My husband wants to see his son, but his son's mother is being nasty about it, even though he pays child suppo

Question

We have an attorney to take it to court for him to get visitation, but my mother in law seems to think that if my husband wants to really see his son, he would go too his son's school and see him there. We are affraid to do this for fear that his son's mother would press charges on him and have him arrested for going to the school to see him. What do you think? Does he have a right to go to the school and see his son? It has been 6 years since he has seen his son, and that is only because my husband gave up on going over to the house because she always starts a fight, he agrees he should have never done that, but at the time his son was 6 years old and he did not want his son to go through that. Even though we have an attorney is there anyone out there that can help us by giving us information on how he can see his son before the courts give him that visitation right on paper? And if the answer is to call her and set it up that has already been tried and she will not return his calls.

Answer 1

It's quite simple.....The mere THREAT of cancellation of support checks will get her motor running.....she'll return the calls quicker than Jack Flash. If things are like you say, the court should back up his right to see the kid.

Answer 2

I dated a man with the same problem and it was an ugly situation. Even when he got visitation, it still did not solve the problem. He would go and pick up his children and if he was one minute late, she would say he could not see them. Child support and visitation are separate issues. Tell him not to stop child support as my boyfriend did and his wife had him sent to jail because he stopped. Unfortunately in most places, the judges always favor the mother. She would say the children did not have time to see him or tell the children that he did not want to see them, fight over what days he could or could not see them and all he could do is take her back to court and go through the whole thing over and over and finally he ran out of money doing that. He went years without seeing them and one day the older daughter got in a big fight with her mom and she called her aunt and said, where is my dad, I want to find out why he abandoned us and why he never wanted to be with us. She called him, agreed to meet him and the rest is history. He was then reunited with his son and younger daughter who found out what the mom had been doing all those years and now they are in their 20's and a part of their dad's life and they have all but disowned the mother. So don't think because you have a paper for visitation it is solved, far from it, depending on the age of the child, he may have a long ugly road ahead but hopefully it will come out good in the end. Lawyers can only do so much. I wish you well

Answer 3

Some said to "threaten" to cancel child support checks, don't do that because then she can use that against your husband in court. My advice, is keep calling, document every time he calls, leave a message everytime. Documentation is the key, and it does hurt your husbands case that he has not see his son in so long. I would not go to the school to have lunch, he could end up in trouble and that could also hurt him in court. And if he hasn't seen his son in 6 years, do you think his son will actually recognize who he is if he came to school, could be a little embarassing for the child. Wait for the court ordered visitation to see his son, He's waited this long, he can wait until it's all legal and when that happens tell him to keep documenting, because she may try still to keep his son from him. It's going to be a long and ugly road, keep your heads up, he'll get to see his son. If she continues to fight when he finally does get visitation, just ignore it, don't fight back, that will make the fighting worse. document what she is doing, if it's really nasty use a tape recorder, especially if she is yelling in front of the kid. Good Luck, I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 4

It is not a good idea for your husband to visit his son at school. The school isn't likely to allow him to anyway, unless he is a legal guardian. Schools these days are quite strict about protecting the kids. Until the office staff got to know and recognize me, I was required to show ID any time I picked up my kids or pulled them out of class for any reason.
When your husband can or cannot see his son all depends on what was set up as visitation. If he was never married to his son's mother and visitation was never established by a judge, then he likely doesn't have custody and cannot see him at all without the mother's consent. It's unfair, I know, but fathers who are not named as guardians or married to the mother have few rights. Since he has been paying child support regardless, it should be no problem for him to get visitation. The mother would have to prove him unfit in order for it to be denied.
Really though, your attorney would be better to answer these questions, especially when the answers could vary by state. I only know how it works here in Texas. Your attorney can also file a petition for legal visitation rights to be granted by the judge-- that his son's mother would have to comply with or face contempt of court charges.
Good luck!

Answer 5

Don't despair the laws are actually starting to change because most women who are committing visitation interference even when the father's active in seeing the child and pays support are in fact facing jail time and is being treated as a felony. I think your mom needs to stay out of the matter and allow the courts to do their jobs and document all harassing phone calls and emails and give them to your attorney to prove that the mother is being difficult. Also keep in mind that some women are angry and bitter when a marriage end and they use the child or children as pawns when they are being difficult and are holding animosity towards an ex husband or boyfriend.

Answer 6

Don't listen to the mother-in-law. She doesn't know the law and schools must be very protective of children. Unless your husband's name is on the list at school of those people allowed to pick up his son, he won't be allowed to do it.

He needs to continue to go through his attorney and when he has a custody order signed by the court in hand, he can provide a copy of that to the school so he can get his name on the list. If he hasn't already, he needs to ask his attorney to include specific visitation dates and times in the custody agreement so the school will know exactly when he will be picking up his son. To avoid arguments with his ex, he can ask his attorney to also include a provision in the custody agreement where both parents drive to a neutral point half way between their homes to exchange their son.

I knew a couple who decided they wanted to share their child each week. So one parent had the child for three days a week and the other parent had the child for four days a week. The child is now in her 30s and is the same age as my oldest son. He told me when she was growing up she told him how much she hated that arrangement because she never felt like any one place was her home. She would just get comfortable in one place and would need to pack up and go to the other home. How would any of us like it if we had to constantly change homes every week? We would need a complete set of clothing and belongings in each home so we didn't need to constantly pack and move belongings back and forth. Tell your husband not to subject his son to an arrangement like that. Hopefully there will be a good judge handling this case who will appoint a guardian ad litem to represent the boy so the boy's best interests are met. You should ask the court to appoint an attorney for the boy.

Answer 7

Two mistakes I see in other answers.

Someone said something about cancelling support checks. That is not possible. Where do you live? While you slept they made a system in which all ordered support comes out of the check before the worker gets it. This is a feminist thing. Men gotta' pay, but no system to make sure dads get to see kids.

And, when a guy gets so beat up he gives up trying to see his kid, everyone say he just doesn't care.

Next, it is false that a man cannot be arrested for seeing his kids. Women do things like that, and cops are such macho jerks, they think if a man can't make it happen, he doesn't deserve it. So, if she complains, yes, they will arrest him, today usually under the stalking laws.

She is pretty much a standard ex-wife. Not all are like that, but a majority are. Not that they are going to admit it to their friends, of course.

Answer 8

The child is old enough to make a choice ... if his father hasnt seen him for six years he would not personally know him. Depending on the circumstances behind the separation their might be issues still to be faced. The courts will actually appoint a solicitor for the son. There is Round Table Discussion Mediation too ... where is it can be discussed with own parties solicitors and mediators involved. I would get your husband to speak to his legal representative of all options that are avaliable.

Answer 9

As someone who is close to a person whose mother "gave up," please continue to encourage your husband to see his son. It's HIS responsibility to see his son, and saying he's afraid of being arrested is a cop-out. It's my understanding that he can visit his son at school and eat lunch with him, but he can't leave the school with his son unless the mother gives consent. I teach in elementary school and have seen parents who don't have custody eat with their children. Once we had to keep a close watch on a mother because we were told she might try to take her child. Your husband might even want to take things one step further and explain to the school that he doesn't have custody rights before he eats with him. This shows responsibility and honesty, which would make things seem less suspect. Again, it's great that your husband has learned from his mistakes and wants to do the right thing. If he gives up on him though, his heart's not really in it.

Answer 10

Don't make the situation worser than it is, take her to court cuz she can't do that unless she has permission through court not for him to see his child.She could be just jealous that he has someone new in his life and she's upset that it's not her and that he may call you mommy.And when you both take her to court she's gonna look real stupid because he's gonna get the right to see his son with the court' permission,she just made even bigger problem's for herself.Good Luck in court