In the bed or the crib?

Question

My daughter is 8 months old and extremely healthy. She is very much spoiled by love. I usually either rock her to sleep or lay next to her and sing. My fiancee strongly disapproves of both, but he can't object too much, because it works. Lately she's been very picky about where she wants to sleep. If I put her in her crib, she'll sleep for about 2 hours, wake up, cry and scream for about an hour, then repeat the cycle. If she sleeps next to me, she'll sleep a full 12 hours. I understand that SIDS is a risk, but is she in the safezone? I don't want to endanger my daughter, but we're both teetering on the edge of insanity from lack of sleep. Should I continue the crib or let her sleep with me? Extra Info: Yes, I've tried letting her cry herself back to sleep. I let her cry for intervals of 10 minutes, then attempt to soothe her, then let her be for another ten minutes. It doesn't work very well.

Answer 1

My daughter is 15 months and in the bed with me. But that's what works for us. If you have the space, you could move the crib next to your bed, remove one side rail and adjust the height of the mattress to be even with your bed. That way you each have your own space . . . together. See, you can have your cake and eat it too!

Then, when you're both ready, replace the rail, lower the mattress, and move the crib across the room. Then into her room. Or throw the mattress on the floor next to your bed for her.

Just PLEASE don't leave her to cry for (O M G! ! !) 5 hours!

Answer 2

I think that you should probably keep trying the crib. Your relationship with her father and her relationship with her father need to be considered too, not just the ease of sleep. My son wouldn't sleep in his crib either and I talked with his doctor. He said that a baby can cry for an hour or even longer without it doing any harm. He told me that the biggest issue is giving the baby enough respect to believe that he can do it himself and to keep myself from feeling guilty. I thought my doctor was crazy.
Being desperate though, I let my son cry for 30 minutes, and before I made it to his bedroom door, (minute 31 I think), he was asleep. The next night, he only cried for 15 minutes and the third night it was only 6.5 minutes (not that I was counting). The fourth night, he didn't cry and it was never an issue again. It was a stressful three nights but it was worth it in the end. And I did cry for over two hours the first and second nights, but my son got enough sleep in his crib and after some adjustment, I did too. I didn't have to worry about where he was in bed and where my husband was in bed and I could stay up later and had more time to connect with my husband.
Reality Check! Your son will not sleep in your bed at 35, he will want a room of his own, eventually. You want to consider your feelings, and take a real look at your fiancee's feelings. He may worry about rolling onto your daughter and may not sleep as well, he may want some time with you, he could begin to resent your daughter's presence in bed and that could make it harder for him to enjoy his time with her during the day. When you take all this into consideration, the best answer for your family will become clear.

Answer 3

I would tell you to let your baby sleep with you. I think that your baby is old enough for sids to not be a problem. But then comes another problem not being able to get your child out of your bed. You and your husband at one point is going to want some time alone. She isn't going to have it. My son is 3 and he wants to sleep under me like he is my man. He can't sleep otherwise. But when he's away from home he's just fine sleeping alone. Be careful let her start off in her bed and when she becomes unbearable let her come to bed with you. You knew you were going to be sleep deprived so go with the flow and don't give in to her completely

Answer 4

My youngest daughter was as spoiled as yours seems to be. I would rock her on my legs, back and forth for hours to soothe her. She had colic very badly from 6 weeks to 4 months. I just got into the habit...AND SO DID SHE. So much so, that she would not be soothed AT ALL unless I rocked her. I had finally reached the end of my patience with her by the time she was 6 months old. She was healthy, ate well, rid herself of all gas. She just wanted the unceasing attention.

So I put her in her crib alone after soothing her for just half an hour. And she cried. And she screamed. And she wimpered. FOR FIVE HOURS. And then she finally fell asleep, and slept for eight hours. The second night she cried for four hours. The third night for three hours. Etc, until finally I could put her down in her bed after her half hour of cuddling, and she would go right to sleep. And she never argued about bedtime again afterwards.

YOU just have to bite the bullet, Mom, and stop indulging her NOW. She is getting her way...why should she quit? It is up to you to teach her that she won't get her own way in this. Either that, or put up with her in your bed for the next 10 years.

Answer 5

My daughter is 9 months old and I usually sing to her also or read her a story until she falls asleep. SIDS scares me to death but I think I read that it's not that common in children over 6 months.

I dont believe that it is spoiling your child when all you do is love her. Young children need too feel comforted and know that there mommy is there for them.

I could never let my daughter cry herself too sleep, it would just tare me apart. Knowing that she is going to bed angry or sad is just horrible.

Answer 6

My 2 and a half year baby sleeps with me in the bed since 9 month old. She forced this habit on me because she was acting like your baby. Let her sleep with you if you are not a heavy sleeper and as long you provide her with a space of her own in your bed.

One parent only could be in the bed with her, otherwise it's dangerous.

Now, my daughter refuses to sleep with anyone except me, and ofcourse she hates the crib. There is no other problem than that.

Girls are more emotionally connected to their mothers, so don't deprive her of your warmth.

Hope this helps...

Answer 7

If it is easier for her to be in bed with you. There is an attachment that goes on the side of your bed that way you don't have to worry about SIDS. All though trying to get her to be more independent at a later date will probably take a little longer. Both of my children sleep in their own beds with out distress but also they have never once slept in bed with me. Every ones different.

Answer 8

Cosleeping decreases the chance of SIDS. Crib sleeping increases it -- you're not there if your baby has an apnea episode or other breathing problem, so you can't do anything to help.

If she prefers sleeping with her mama and it doesn't bother you, go for it. Many, many parents do (although not all admit it). The family bed was standard for thousands of years. Only recently has it become vogue in certain cultures to sleep separately from our babies. Ironically, only recently in those same cultures have we become obsessed with sleep training and sleep "problems." Maybe it's because we're creating the problems ourselves by trying to change our babies' biological natures.

Listen to your instincts, mama. It sounds like you're wonderfully in tune with your daughter and know what works for both you and her.

Answer 9

Try out this book
The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley and William Sears

And I say crib...the longer you go with your baby sleeping in your bed the harder the habit will be to break. I know this from experience. I did it with my baby...he now sleeps through the night in his crib but, it took lots of patience to get here. He did this at about 11.5 months. My goal was to have him do it by his first birthday and i did it! Good Luck

Answer 10

My son started sleeping with us at around 15 months when I had mono. It was so much easier than getting up several times a night when I was sick. That was 2 years ago and he still sleeps with us. It is a struggle to try to get him out. My husband and I wish he would sleep in his own bed sometimes, but other times it doesn't bother us. We know he won't sleep with us forever and if it doesn't bother either of you, why not indulge them? Plus it's helpful when they're sick, you can be right there if they need you. SIDS is less common with babies that are older and have fully functional and mature neck muscles. Good luck, truthfully, it's whatever works for you and personally I believe that it's not worth battling over. Not many 10 yr olds still sleep with their parents!