How do you deal with guest who add people to their RSVP?

Question

We sent out invitations and some people went up to my fiance and ask if they can bring their children. My fiance told some yes because he didn't know how to say no. We discussed it before the wedding, but he still can't say no. (Especially to his close friends.) Some of the guest just added people..e.g. children, significant others when they RSVP'd. We are on a budget and the place we are holding the reception at can only accomodate a certain amount of people. We decided that we'd keep the list to 300 people. We are now at 350 and we still haven't gotten back all of the RSVPs.

Answer 1

I find this a little offensive, if their children are under 18 they should be included, if I were sent an invitation to a family friendly event, such as a wedding, I would assume my child is invited too.

As how to deal with it, you don't invite people with kids, and if you do, put directly on the invitation, no children. If I got an invitation that said no kids, I wouldn't go. I think people need to realize that kids are just as important as adults.


As to significant others, I would just tell them they can't bring them, although they probably wouldn't want to come then since going to a wedding sucks by yourself.

You should have taken into consideration people have families, and they come together. You shouldn't have sent so many invitations.

Wow, I can't believe how rude you people are. I'm glad I don't kow any of you personally, because I would not come to your wedding if I were paid too.

Answer 2

Call them and tell them I'm sorry but we can't afford to have you bring a guest. Tell them you have a limited budget and due to fire codes you can only have a certain amount of people in that venue. To have more would actually be illegal and the hall/restaurant could actually refuse entrance to some people. All that is true too. Say that you're sorry and you do understand if they choose not to attend. You're better off without them anyway. It's completely rude to receive an invitation for yourself and send back the answer that you're bringing more people without even asking first, especially if it's something like a wedding where there's a sit down dinner.
Congratualtions on your wedding and good luck for the future.

Answer 3

What is with some people? The people who's NAMES are on the invitations are the people who are invited, plain and simple. And there's nothing wrong with having an adults-only reception...too many times parents bring along their little "darlings" and then leave them totally unattended - who is going to watch these children while the parents are doing their own thing? (because you KNOW that's what's going to happen.) Sorry, but why do people think their children are automatically invited everywhere they are? It's rude to just "assume" things like, and it's even more rude to flat-out ask if you can bring someone. People have such a feeling of entitlement, it's very sad. PS, I would think a lot of parents would enjoy a night out without their kids!! As for significant others, people might be disappointed, but if they RSVP'd, then they obviously noticed the invitation and obviously noticed their name was on there alone... do the math, it's not hard. Some people are just rude, that's all. Stick by your guns. LOVE the idea of sending the follow-up letter (i forget who said that) that was awesome.

Answer 4

Wow, these answers are great (with the exception of Deanna). I have children and still I wouldn't expect to bring mine to special events that they were not invited. If it was a informal gathering with close friends (say a BBQ), I may ask...

Honestly, I've been there. My husband and I had a SMALL wedding. In fact, it was strictly only close friends and immediate family. That was all we could afford. Still we had to tell people that we were sorry, but we simply cannot accomodate extra people.

Personally, I would never ask to have anyone invited if I was the only invitee. To me, that is simply rude! It matters little if you are married or not, with or without children- it is rude to invite someone else to an event you were invited to. If most people wanted family or a guest, they would specify that on the invitation. I find it especially disrespectful to invite extras to a wedding -where most people have spent so much money on before they take in account of food costs!

I know it is hard, but I would stand up for myself and say something before it is too late (or I go broke). Good luck!

Answer 5

Eventually, you are going to have to learn to say, "No" and this is as good as time as any. However, you can be very tactful about it. Just write back to these people and let them know that while you would love to be able to include their children, significent other, or who ever they have took it upon themselves to try and force upon you, you can either tell them there is a limit to the number of people you can have at the hall, or you can tell them the truth and just tell them it's not within your budget.

Personally, I would go with the truth and tell them that if you bend the rules for one person, then you have to do it for others and that they are not the only ones you are having to write to on this matter.

You can even start the letter or note out with something like, "I/We regret to inform you..." for those your fiance has already said yes to.

I'm sure they will understand. If they don't, then I'm not sure they are the kind of friends you need. Friends should be supportive not a burden and this is you and your fiance's day, so they should not be a burden. At least, it's my feeling on the subject.

This will be a good lesson in saying no to other people in your life, who might try to take advantage of you. People like sales people selling you a house, or a contractor giving a bid on a repair to your home. You would want to make sure you get a least 3 bids, but if you can't say no you would never get past the first one and you would more than likely get ripped off. The same goes for when you are shopping for a car. If you can't say no to a car sales person...well let's just say, I have a used car that I would just love to talk to you about (big smile).

Answer 6

Put the word out immediately that your reception hall can only accommodate the number of people you've invited. Additional guests cannot be accommodated.

It's extremely rude to ask to bring a guest or children when their name isn't on the invite.

Just Say No. and tell the fiance to say the same thing.'

Answer 7

Shame on them!!!!

While I understand the difficulty in saying no to close friends...they are taking advantage...and that's not right!
If there is enough time between now, and the event. I would either create a small thank you card/post card online (for mass printing at home) OR, pick up a few- and send them out to those who have RSVP'd as follows:

Thank you for responding to our invitation for___________. For those who have included additional parties not otherwise listed on our invitation, please note that we have contracted for a specified number of guests and cannot exceed that number. Therefore, we kindly request that only the individuals listed on the invitation attend. If you are unable to attend as a result of this notice. Please, contact us via telephone at ____________.
Thank you!

My other suggestion would be to get a relative, unrelated to the "friend pool" to contact those who were braisen enough to add on, or request children attend, and provide similar information over the phone. Do not feel badly...most people who did cross that line...knew that they were being disrespectful in the first place. So, setting them straight in a polite fashion is not a poor reflection on you!


As for those on here who found not including the children offensive...Perhaps they should invest the funding and provisions and all the additional factors that go into including children at such an event! It's not a family reunion in someone's back yard...it's a formal event!!!! I think those who are that overly sensitive should simply write NO in the RSVP line - not just take it upon themselves to add the brady bunch to the invitation!
Best wishes!

Answer 8

It is not unknown that couples have a limited budget and limited number of guests that they can invite. I think everyone knows that.
Let your fiancee make you the heavy and tell those that he spoke with that you reminded him that only x amount of people were invited and that there isnt any chance that kids etc can come after all.(Including the in law of a guest you've never met. Your wedding is to celebrate just that. Its not a free meal for everyone. "...Sorry... "oh, but she DID talk to the caterer and the $20.00 a plate can be paid for in advance by anyone that wants to bring xtra people." Or, if he is non-confrontational (which sounds like it and some people know this), let these people know this yourself.If replies are just starting to trickle in, might try to sending a note of apology to every invitee that there may have been an oversight and the invites didnt note "no children" and you are sorry for the oversight. Call anyone that plans on bringing xtra people, who indicate such, of the same.
This is a touchy thing. Unfortunatley, people can be pretty huffy about this kind of stuff, no matter how nice you manage to be. This is YOUR day. Let any people who are going to be jerks stay home.
For the rest of your married life, you are going to have to say no to salespeople, return food to a chef, negotiate with a car repair shop, on and on. In other words, you see, you will have to show a side you might not like to show, but necessary or you will be taken advantage of. Its already starting.
Just going to have to be nice but firm. Good luck. Best wishes on your wedding.
BTW, my stepson tried to defame me, since he didnt like my unfair rules. No one was able to sympathize with him that he had to drink milk. Kind of the same thing going here.

Answer 9

Oh, I had the same problem. I had an "adult reception" so no children were allowed. People kept on asking to bring people. I just said we were at our maximum capacity and even though I would love for them to bring someone, we had a lot of people who we were close to who wanted to be there for our special day. Therefore, only those names who were on the invitation were invited and we could not accomodate anyone else. Your fiancee needs to put his foot down since those people who are taking advantage of him. I don't think it is rude to tell those people sorry, we have more people than we thought so they now can't come. They were rude to ask initally! But tell them now vs later.

Answer 10

I don't know what some are getting on with!!! If you send an invitation, to specific people,,,,,that is who you are inviting. That simple. Not their kids, or anyone else, and for those people to ask you if they can take them is rude and inconsiderate. How dare they decide who YOU can have at your reception.
You need to tell these people that you have so many invitations gone out, and simply cannot accomodate any uninvited guests.

Answer 11

Email, write or better yet call the ones he said yes to. And all the others that want to bring extra people and explain that you are on a budget and are sorry b ut you just can't have the extra people there. Don't worry about hurting their feelings, they are ignorant for even asking to bring others. If the people give you a hard time about it just explain to them that there are too many doing what THEY are doing........that is bringing other people along and you just cannot afford it. If they STILL insist then to hell with them, tell them to stay home or watch everyone else eat.