Please help my son?

Question

I feel like I have failed my son. He got in trouble today for leaving class to go to the bathroom and he was returned by another teacher because he never returned to class, but instead was socializing with other kids. He does not concetrate in school and I can not get him to eat at home. Any advice?

He is 6 years old.

I talk to his teacher on a daily basis.

I am not a single mother. His step father is very loving and spends time with him.

Answer 1

Have a heart to heart talk with him and ask him if he understands that what he did is unacceptable. Ask him what is going on and ask him if there is something bothering him that he wants to talk about or ask him if he would feel more comfortable talking to someone else, maybe Grandpa or Grandma.....Just make sure that you let him know that you are always there and that he can always come to you and talk about anything. Explain to him, what is expected of him by both you and his teacher. I am afraid that if you make too big a deal out of this one, he might continue doing it, because even though not 'good attention" it is some kind of attention. You haven't failed your son, he is only 6 and probably testing you and his teacher to see how far he can go. He's learning. As far as the eating goes, lots of kids go thru this too at some point. As long as it doesn't go on for too long. But my grandson went thru this same thing at 5 & 6. He is 12 now and WOW has he gotten over that "don't wanna eat stage"!! Remember kids are not perfect, they make mistakes too. Just like us, huh? But for your own peace of mind, please talk to your doctor, he or she will be able to offer professional advice. But please, please don't jump on that Adhd thing. I think too many parents are way to anxious to get there kids on some kind of medication to make them easier to deal with, just so they don't have to deal with them. I hope this makes sense to you. I know what I am trying to say, just not sure if I am getting my point across. Good Luck to you and your son. Hang in there. Raising children, especially alone can sometimes get really tough and know that you are not alone. there will always be ups & downs, even after they are grown and have left home. But it will always be worth it. Just love him!!!!!!!

Answer 2

I would get off his case, I think it's great he wants to make friends and in time will learn all the rules. You didn't say how old he is but I assume he's under 10. If so I wouldn't worry or fuss at him, if you do he w ill withdraw and want tell you anything. kids will be kids. They don't give them time anymore to play a round with other kids and getting along with others is just as important. Just casually explain that it is important to go back to class once he's gone to the bathroom be.cause the teacher would be concerned about himMaybe try getting a friend to spend the night on weekend he could play with. Also when he gets hungry he will eat,don't make a deal of that and you might be surprised. Maybe he has alot of pressure on him and isn't hungry. If you lighten up he probably will do better. Alot of teachers put so much pressure on kids nowadays, they forget there kids. Then they put pressure on parents. Don't let this happen to you. I've seen kids that are nothing but loners, never get in trouble but it's actually not good for them.They bottle everything up and it gonna come out.I have worked in education and found that kids that don't pay attention usually are either under alot of stress or they need something to challange there minds, maybe he's bored. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I think it is unusual that any child leave a classroom without supervision. Doesn't the school have safety monitors of something along those lines?

If this is his first infraction, I would not make a big deal of it. Just let him know that he should use the restroom during recess and that school is important. We always told our children if they were punished or sent the principles office there would be punishment at home as well.

He must be eating something. Are you buying him fast food and he refuses home cooked meals or is he just being picky?

You are the parent and he is the child and rearing a child is a combination of love and discipline.

Does he have a hard time concentrating at home? If he is in a public school system they can have him tested for any learning disabilities at no cost to you.

And if he is in private school contact the school district and they can set up a testing at a local school.

I think it sounds like a typical 6 year old behavior. If there was a group of boys to chat with a simple hello can turn into a chat.

As an adult it takes me an hour sometimes to tell my friends good bye.

You are not a failure, you are showing great interest in your child and his behavior. Continue the lines of communication with his teacher and principle so he knows everyone is on the same plate.

As a parent you must not let your chlild know you feel this way because he will use it to make you feel guilty and ashamed and he will always get his way. You may feel guilty for the divorce from his father etc.

Don't feel sorry for your son or he will learn to feel sorry for himself and will make excuses for his behavior.

Put your foot down and have your husband as backup, so you both agree as a team.

Dr. James Dobson has some great materials on child rearing. His organization is called focus on the family. Look them up on line and sign up for there monthly magazine, it's free.

Hang in there and just stay strong, it's not always easy being the parent, sometimes we become the enemy in the eyes of our children.

Answer 4

You know what? 6 year olds are like that. You don't have anything to worry about. They like to socialize and you really need to look more at the teacher rather then at your son. First of all, when children as young as your son are in school they usually take a bathroom break with all the students in the class and with teacher supervision. They are rarely if ever left on their own because they don't have the same sense of time or even the same sense of what is right or wrong. As for never wanting to eat, my experience as a child was like that, I never wanted to eat and my parents were frightened to pieces, my pediatrician told my mother not to worry, when I was hungry I would eat. How's that for advice?? I did eat when I was hungry, I was a skinny kid but I wasn't starved just because I ate when I wanted to, I was perfectly healthy. You aren't failing your son, talk to the teacher and the principal about what the rules are about sending 1st graders to the restroom alone. They might have to admit it's not a wise idea to leave children wandering around on their own in the school halls. Btw, your son sounds like a cutie, socializing!!! that's just precious.

Answer 5

Yes - it sounds like he needs some counseling but he shouldn't have gotten in trouble for having to go to the bathroom - maybe he was embarrassed to go back to the classroom because of it and decided to just ditch instead - you know at that age peer pressure to be "cool" is very important. Maybe you should ask him if the teacher embarrassed him, find out what's going on. And his not eating - it really sounds like he needs some counseling from a professional. He's got something bothering him probably and doesn't know how to handle it possibly. Seek help before it really gets out of control. Good luck - I know kids can be a handful.

Answer 6

Martial arts is great for helping kids with discipline problems. Find a good Tae Kwon Do school and sign him UP! This may work for elementary aged kids, teenagers may refuse to attend classes. You didn't mention your son's age. If he's a teenager, call the school and explain that you realize he's been skipping classes and ask if they can help or make a referral. As far as not eating, well, you can't really make him eat. Does he eat at school? Has he always been a picky eater? If he seems to be losing weight take him to the doctor and ask for help.

I am not sure if you are a single mother. If so, maybe the child needs a strong male role model in his life. Maybe you can sign up for Big Brothers.

Answer 7

How old is he? he could have just gotten turned around on the bathroom thing and forgot about what he was supposed to do. when they are Little it can happen that way. My daughter forgets everything and chats away when she gets the chance. Eating could be lots of different reasons from a stubborn streak to being worried about something and not knowing how to talk about it. It really depends on the age of you child and how long he has been at school. Good luck and don't worry to much. Talk with your child doctor if he continues not to eat.

Answer 8

The not concentrating in school part, Ask his teacher if his school has a learning or attention disability testing program ... You must be pushy and aggressive about it... OR the school will drag their feet... If that doesn’t get you anywhere, contact your doctor and ask if they can refer you to a children’s hospital that has a testing program, so he can be tested...

Now, the eating problem... It could be anything, the weather; most kids eating habits change when the weather does... If it’s just too hot, my kids hardly eat; maybe just a cold sandwich… Just give it some time, he will eat when he's hungry; just make sure that it's not junk food... That will curve any child appetite...

And YOU’RE A GREAT MOM, FOR JUST WORRY ABOUT YOUR SON HEALTH & WELFARE!!! =)

Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

I am having the same problem with my son who is six and I am a single mother. I thought at first it was because he doesn't see his father very often but maybe it's something some children go through at this age, they're are testing us. Trying to see what they can get away with. You haven't failed your son any more than I have. We all try to do what's best for our children.

Answer 10

First of all, sit down and talk to your son. Ask him what is going on in school... You never know, there may be alot more than meets they eye! If you can honestly rule out things such as bullies then sit down with him and the school counselor. If you still are not able to get to the root of the problem, then you should seek him individual counseling. (He just may open up better without you, but I suggest trying WITH you first to try to open the lines of communication.) Don't jump to ADD or ADHD.
Just remember, kids don't come with instruction manuals, If they did, we would all have the answers, you can only do your best, but sometimes things are still going to happen, its called testing their bounds... Just make sure that he knows that as much as you will try to work with him, ultimately YOU are in charge, and stick to your guns! Good luck hon!