Do you know a good CHRISTIAN JOKE, if yes please share...?

Question

I need one to share with the congregation...hopefully the one u give me will have them falling out of their seats...

Answer 1

An atheist and a Christian were best friends as kids. They grew up and graduated high school, and each left town. Several years later both men returned to town, the CHristian as a minister, the atheist as a doctor. They started taking walks every day to talk and reflect. On one of their walks, they saw a little boy with a box of puppies. The Christian asked "What kind of puppies are these?" The boy replied "Their atheists sir." The atheist smirked and the two walked off. Two weeks later they passed the same house and the same boy sat out front with his puppies. The atheist asked the boy once again "What kind of puppies are these, son?" The boy replied "They're Christians sir." "CHRISTIANS!" The atheist exclaimed. "Two weeks ago you said they were atheists? What happened?" The boy said "Well sir, they opened their eyes."

Hope this helps!

Answer 2

It is rather lengthy but here it is. It is one of my favorites

This little country congregation was struggling and hired a very young man right out of college to be their preacher. He decided it would be good to spruce things up so he scheduled a work day one Saturday to paint the little white country church.

They took all the money they could muster up and went to Wal Mart and bought seven gallons of while paint. When they got back someone figured out they would need eight gallons of paint and they only had seven.

They were out of money and could not buy any more. So one bright guy said let's put in a gallon of paint thinner and that will make the paint go further. So they put all the paint in a tub and added the paint thinner and proceeded to paint the church.

When they were finished they sat back and marveled at the beautiful little white country church and looked forward to the worship service the next day.

That night it came a terrible rain storm and when they got to church the next morning they had white paint running all down the hill and their beautiful white church was no more.

Vert despondentlly they all went in to the worship service. The young preacher quickly decided what to do. He got up and offer a prayer thanking God all he had given the little church. Then he exclaimed in as loud a voice as he could muster.....GOD SAID BE OF GOOD COURAGE LITTLE CHILDREN!! REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE!!

Answer 3

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible.
Now she can't see very well.
So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible.
It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him.
Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.

"Milton," she said, "the house you built is so huge.
I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she said, "I am too old to travel.
I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes.
And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"

"But Donald," she said, "the little chicken you sent was delicious!"

:-)

Answer 4

there became a barber that thought that he ought to share his faith together with his clientele extra suitable than he were doing these days. So the subsequent morning while the solar got here up and the barber have been given up off the mattress he stated, "at present i visit witness to the 1st guy that walks by using my door." quickly after he opened his save the 1st guy got here in and stated, "i prefer a shave!" The barber stated, "useful, in simple terms sit down interior the seat and that i would be with you in a 2d." The barber went interior the lower back and prayed a rapid desperate prayer saying, "God, the 1st shopper got here in and that i visit witness to him. So supply me the expertise to renowned in simple terms the desirable element to assert to him. Amen." Then at as quickly as the barber got here out together with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the different mutually as saying "good morning sir. I extremely have a question for you... Are you waiting to die?

Answer 5

well I think I have 3.....

1.) A huge flood came and a man was stuck on the roof of his house. A helicopter came by, asked if he needed assistance, but he adamently refused. He said that he believed in God and the God was with him. Soon a plane came by, and tried to help him. Again, the man refused, stating that God was with him. The flood waters began rising. A few minutes later, a life guard in his boat, yelled up to the man. He refused again, yelling back to the lifeguard that God was with him. The flood waters rose, and the man died. He arrived in heaven and siad, "God why didnt you save me?" God replied, "I gave you three chances!"


2.) A priest, a minister, and a rabbi were walking in a forest debating which religious belief was better. They finally decided that whoever changed a wild bear the best, their religion was the best. They all went out and returned. The priest came back and said, I baptized him in the name of God, and he repented all of his sins. The minister said, "I told him God was watching him, that he would burn in hell if he didnt accept God RIGHT now! and he repented." Next they saw the rabbi was all scratched up and bloody. He said, "I guess I shouldnt have started with circumcision."

3.) A priest, rabbi, and minister were in a boat. The priest had to go to the bathroom so he stepped out of the boat, and walked across the water. He soon came back, when the minister had to get something to drink. He stepped out of the boat, and walked across the water. He came back. The rabbi decided he had to get something to eat. He stepped out of the boat and immediately started drowning. The priest turned to the minister and said, :think we shoulda told him where the rocks were??"

Answer 6

If your church was cheering for the Seahawks during the last Superbowl, then do this one:

Ben Roethlisberger (Pittsburg stealers guy) dies, and goes to Heaven. God gives him this beautiful mansion, with a deck, flags, etc. And it's all in Pittsburg colors. He's very thankful and everything. When he goes out onto his porch, he sees this HUGE mansion, thats all decked out in Seahawks colors. now, his house was nice, but not as nice as this one. So he says, "Whose house is this? Shaun Alexanders???" Then God shakes his head, saying, "No. That's my house!"

Hope this helped!

Answer 7

forrest gump died and went 2 heaven.Saint paul was guarding the gate.and they got in a fight in wrether forrest can get in or not.then finally saint paul said if u can answer 3 questions i will let u in .. 1. how many days are in a year ? 2.what two days of the week start with T. ..... and what is gods real name.so forrest said i dont know those are sum hard questions ill b back 2morrow n answer 'em. <2morrow> u got them answer forrest ? forest says yup. 1How many days are in a year? forrest said well it took me a while but i think its 12 < ya know the months > so saint paul said no not really but i will let u slip ... 2.What are the 2 days of the week that start with T. forrest said welp it took me a while 2 but i came up with an answer .. today and tomorrow. saint paul said well no .. but il let ya slip .. 3. whats gods real name > forrest said well that took me forever but i finally found out ... ' and he ' paint saul says WHAT! 'and he ' im srry forrest i cant let u in ... forrest says y not we sing it @ church all the time ' and he walks with me and he talks with me' .... thats the end srry if u think its stupid

Answer 8

my friend's generations of families put together this website of clean, christian, jokes. I hope u like. ;D
http://louisvilleemmaus.com/jokes.html

For example::: (these are some of the jokes on the website)

A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
****************************************************
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!"
**************************************************
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mic, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mic cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,"If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
*************************************************
Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
**************************************************
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
**************************************************
A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.
Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
*************************************************
A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall and quoted, "Thou shalt not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."
*************************************************
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings, at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from e-mail. Amen."
*************************************************
One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
***********************************************
A little boy was overhead praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship espied smoke coming from one of three huts on an uncharted island. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than five years!"
The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see THREE huts."
The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another."
"What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain.
"That's where I USED to go to church."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"
Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?"
"Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answer 9

One afternoon a man was walking outside and praying to God. He asked God what our 'time' on this earth means to him. God answered and said, "A million years will pass in your time but it will still be today to me." The man then asked God if it is true that God will give him the desires of his heart. God replied, "Seek and you shall find, ask and it shall be given unto you." The man smiled and said "The biggest desire of my heart is to have one million dollars." God replied, "It shall be yours today."

Answer 10

Who was the first pirate? Noah, because he built the arrrrrk!