How can I live the rest of my life happily if my own father hates me and doesn't want anything to do w/ me now. We were so close until he met his new woman and now he says to hell w/ me and said that he's sorry i was ever born. I've never done anything to him but he does have a drinking problem.We used to go do things together and after he lost his license i drove him all the places he needed to go.he met this woman and is now married and i haven't spoken to him since february of this yr.i called him once and he screamed at me and wanted to know how i got his new number.damnett i miss my father and the way things used to be.i have no one to talk to, my husband tells me just to not worry about it and the rest of my fam. doesn't understand how i feel.i'm an only child so that doesn't help.i KNOW that no one really cares but could someone just pretend here and tell me what i should do before it's too late!and don't tell me to go to church...been there done that!
2006-10-06 13:19:00 · 10 answers · asked by Janie Sisto 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He never treated me like this before he met this woman.this all came out of the blue when he called me on my cell phone one nite.my mom and i were in town one nite at wal mart when the 2 of them walked in he just looked at me and walked away.i don't know where he's living now all i have is a cell phone number that i'm not supposed to have.i have sent text messages hinting him to call but he never does.i feel as though if my own dad doesn't love me then who in the hell would.he's pissed alot of people off and not very many people like him.this woman doesn't want him having anything to do w/ anyone and i hate her for that.sorry to complain i know there are people out there w/ real problems.just should i call him or leave him alone.the times i have talked to him was when i was needing some dvds back he had borrowed.it wasn't civil at all and he wouldn't tell me what i had done in the 1st place.he and his wife hav driven by my home and yelled out the window of the car just making noises.
2006-10-06 13:58:23 · update #1
Oh honey I don't kow what to say,you are in sooo much pain.It sounds like this new woman is a very selfish person and doesn't want him having anything to do with you out of jealousy,just know sweetie tha your daddy will never stop loving you,his eyes just need to be opened.I am truly very sorry for the hurt you are going through,and no I'm not pretending.
2006-10-06 13:50:19 · answer #1 · answered by holliela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, here's what I see. The current relationship you have with your dad is toxic. It's unhealthy. I'm not saying that you shouldn't ever have a relationship with your father, or that you should stop loving him, but the relationship you have right NOW is harmful to you.
He has a drinking problem. He's said VERY hateful things to you that a father -- ANY father -- would NEVER say if he were in his right, sober mind. He's also lost his driver's license. That just hits it -- there IS a drinking problem. Now, you need to see this and you need to believe this: HIS problem is not YOUR problem, nor is it YOUR fault. And you can't make him sober up; he's got to do it himself.
Because you miss the way things used to be, this tells me that there was once a good, healthy relationship. Great! This is the relationship that every daughter deserves to have with her father, and you should absolutely NOT settle for anything less. It was possible before, and it can be possible again.
But the current relationship must first be ended before a new one can grow.
If he's going to scream at you on the phone, then don't give him the ability to do it -- don't call him. You don't deserve that treatment -- it doesn't help you, and it doesn't help him.
You can reach out to him in a less stressful way -- write him a letter. Tell him about the relationship you used to have (the good one), and how that made you feel, and how proud you were then to be his daughter, etc. And then tell him how you feel about the relationship now. Tell him that you will NOT accept his behavior -- that you believe he can be better than that. Tell him that you will wait for him to become a better father. Tell him that he's worth being your father, a real one, and that when he's ready to be one you will be there. Tell him that the current relationship you have is over, and that when he is ready you will be very happy to begin a healthy new one.
Tell him all of this in the letter, and then read it over and over until you truly believe it in your heart and you are ready to mean it -- that you will trust the father in him to be able to change and that you will NOT subject yourself to this toxic relationship until he actually DOES change. When you are ready, and not before, send the letter.
When the letter leaves your house, you let all of this go. You fill this void in your life with something healthier -- strengthen your relationship with your husband, your best friend, whatever relationship makes you stronger, makes you happy. Let go of the bad, bring in only the good. It is what you DESERVE.
It hurts to cut off relationships, especially those that SHOULD be healthy. But this particular relationship needs to be stopped in order for it to heal. You deserve relationships that are good for you, and your father needs to not be enabled to continue his behavior. You don't lose your love for him, you just wait for a new relationship, for the sake of both of you.
One last thing: don't let some end-of-life guilt get in your way! Toxic relationships are toxic relationships, and if allowed to continue they will continue right on past death. If your father should die before a new relationship arises between you, you can know that you didn't continue to help him wallow in his behavior. You gave it to him straight, while continuing to love him, which is the most loving thing one person can do for another.
And even though I do not know you, I am NOT pretending to care.
2006-10-06 13:57:13 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. My dad is also going through a drinking problem. I'll tell you this though. It's all in life what you can take. If your dad is hurting you this much, ask yourself, Do you want him in your life if he is causing you so much pain? Unfortunately, your Dad is in a unhappy place in his life. Just because he's married doesn't make him happy, the fact that he's drinking may be a clue. You need to decide whether you want to continue being hurt by him or live your own life. Sometimes, it takes hitting rock bottom to realize what's important in life and what isn't. Now, if you really want to help, try having an intervention. We did this when my dad started to drink again after being sober for 21 years. It will take supportive family and even his wife. I wish you all the best of luck. And remember, only deal with what you can handle.
2006-10-06 13:49:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like an alcohol problem. A drug addiction to alcohol.
Try to remember this is not your fault, you did nothing wrong.
You're not talking to your father, you're talking to the alcohol.
He must resolve that issue before there will be any chance of resolving any relationship issues. For now send letters, cards and things like that. Give him time to think a little before he responds. He needs help that you are not qualified to give.
Send letters, but don't be surprised or disappointed if he does'nt
respond back or in a timely manner. Let him know you care, your door is open and you're available if/when needed. Pray for him and hope he gets the help he needs. Best wishes. Focus on your husband and any children you may have. Don't sacrifice other relationships for this one. He must make the moves.
2006-10-06 13:43:58 · answer #4 · answered by big dawg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel and words like that can really hurt a person deep sown inside. Is this the first time he has been mean to you or has he acted this way before he met this woman. Maybe it's his drinking. You can try to keep communicating wwith him but he is going to have to make a change on his own. I sorry to hear this and good luck on mending your relationship with your father In my opinion i think he needs to get help with his drinking.
2006-10-06 13:39:58 · answer #5 · answered by confused 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but you'll probably just have to let him be. It doesn't sound like there's anything you can do to change his mind. All you can do is wait and hope he'll come around. We can't force people to act or feel a certain way (no matter how hard we would want to). Just try to get closer to your family, your husband, your friend. They'll be there for you. They may not understand but they probably still want to help you get through this.
2006-10-06 13:27:31 · answer #6 · answered by Adrianna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just think about your husband, don't let the same thing happen to him or your future children.
2006-10-06 13:22:07 · answer #7 · answered by edder319 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well pray about and just give it some time.
2006-10-06 13:25:20 · answer #8 · answered by lucille692003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you can set around and boo hoo the rest of your life or you can get up and live your life.. its his loss not yours. for god sake let it go......
2006-10-06 13:52:08 · answer #9 · answered by BLOODHOUND 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it time and space
2006-10-06 13:21:28 · answer #10 · answered by Mo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋