I've been married for 3+ years now, have a 40 month old son and a 14 month old son, both with my husband. We've used condoms FAITHFULLY since second child was born and somehow still got pregnant. I am 6 weeks along and I really have mixed emotions about this pregnancy. Husband has mental health issues that we've been dealing with since day one and has anger problems already with the stress of family life. He is getting help, and on medications but, I'm afraid that another child is going to agitate him even more. Our relationship has been on the rocks for years now because of his mental health issues and I'm afraid that I won't be able to take care of three kids by myself that close in age if we should ever break up. Plus, it sounds crappy, but I was finally losing some baby weight (25 lbs of the 85 lbs total that I gained between the two pregnancies) and now I can't diet anymore. Plus both of our families will kill us if we tell them we are expecting again. I'm 21 and hubby is 26.
2006-10-06 12:51:24 · 32 answers · asked by summer_00_butterfly 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
To Romy: 25 pounds is not water weight!
2006-10-06 13:40:18 · update #1
wow well, i cant be the 1 to make the decision for you and i dont wish it on my worst enemy all i can do is to tell you to follow your heart and take it easy if ya ever wanna chat im me will be happy to listen tc and be safe.
2006-10-06 12:55:43 · answer #1 · answered by friend60402 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you recieve counseling about this. I am sure you already knew that comdoms are not always full proof. My first child was conceived using a condom. I don't feel you should get an abortion, but that is my opinion, and opinions are like, (well you know). Secondly, besides knowing that condoms are not full proof, you knew the mental health issues your husband has, you should have gone on the pill as a back up to the comdom, or any other type of contraceptive, as well as the condom. I can only say it like this, the child you are carrying did not ask to be brought into this world, and God works in mysterious ways, maybe he has a Plan for all this, but only He knows what that plan is. My second child was not planned as well as my first, and even though my 2 boys are 5 years apart, and we did not want anymore, my husband is a great father to the second one as well as the first. Things could change when you have the baby. I DO NOT believe in abortion unless I am raped, and that is only due to medical problems that COULD arise in the future, and not knowing the father could hurt in the end, but in this case you know the father and could have used extra protection.
2006-10-06 16:02:38 · answer #2 · answered by Ronda B 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are 21 years old. You have a child over 3 years of age (it's time to stop going by months now) and a 14 month old and your relationship is unstable and from you say will not work out most likely.
I would not add another poor kid into your family. Take care of the ones you have.
2006-10-07 01:46:14 · answer #3 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think about it and talk about it with your husband. It's your choice but, I think in this situation it's something that you should decide on together. I had an abortion a few years ago and it was the best choice I've made but, a lot of people out there will say that it's impossible not to regret it. Yea, it's not easy to deal with but, when you're pregnant especially when it's unwanted, there's nothing that's easy now. Don't listen to those ignorant fools and women haters who will tell you that abortion is wrong or murder. They clearly lack understanding and empathy. Make your choice and then choose to accept that choice. You don't have to suffer with whatever you choose. Good luck!
2006-10-06 19:25:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the abortion definitely won't fix whats already happening. What you need to do is figure out how to address the issues that are already there- pregnant or not. If you abort this baby, you will get pregnant again, because thats what happens to married couples and what will you do this time- abort it again because things weren't right??
Please get some help for your relationship, if a child is going to tip him off then he would be easily tipped off by other normal things that happen in life too.. a major sickness, a death , an on the job injury...the list goes on. Don't end your babie's life, work on correcting the life you have around you so you all can be on the road to happiness when the baby comes! Good luck, you sound like you will need lots of love right now!
2006-10-06 13:44:10 · answer #5 · answered by mkmomma 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Listen here honey im not going to be like everyone else on here and tell you no don't have one or yes have one, you area grown woman and can make decisions for yourself, i for one would never have an abortion, but agree to a persons rights to make there own choice. However, i also believe that you have other options then abortion, there adoption agencies willing to help you, there are sooo many people who can't have babies who would love your little girl/boy unconditionally!!! I also don't agree with your "you've lost your baby weight" statement, what you lost was not actual weight but water, and that can be easily gained back within a week or so. Also, please don't let your family's run your lives... i was 17 when i got pregnant with my first son, and kept him regardless of what everyone said to me, regardless of all the threats of abandonment... I am now 24 and now i am pregnant again with the same man, our children will be 7 years apart, and once again family did not agree with the pregnancy, guess what i told my family?? To butt out and mind there own buisness, you both need to take control of your lives. Having said that, what are you doing with a man, who has anger problems, and not only that what are you doing having more children with a man who you said that you do not get along well with (on the rocks) Everything that you have said in this comment sounds more like an excuse to me, then a reason!!
If you think it will agitate him then leave him, think about that child, and i really dont like to preach although it may sound like it, i really am for pro choice, just think of how awful you will feel with yourself once the abortion is over with, it may constantly torture you, live free of your conscience and do whats right for the baby, PLEASE at least consider adoption!!!
Good luck with your choice in whatever you decide, God be with you , and your baby!!
~CHEERS!!~
2006-10-06 13:25:20 · answer #6 · answered by Romy 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
No one can tell you what is right or wrong for you.
But
If you do not feel like you can be a parent to this baby, and that this pregnacy will cause you harm on any level AND you are emotionaly OK with abortion, then it is a choice that you still have the right to make.
You will get flak for this. Many people will tell you it is evil and a sin. Only you can decide what you feel though.
Bottom line is, if you do not want to raise the child, and do not want to carry it to term and give it away, then terminate your pregnacy- as early as you can.
It is your buisness, no one elses. Your body, no one elses. It is you who is alive right now, and your life is plenty important.
Do what you think will make your life best for you.... not for any of us.
2006-10-06 13:03:59 · answer #7 · answered by Dr. Max 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Only you can make that final decision and I pray it's the one you can live with. I know it's hard to bring another one in the world unexpected.
Have your husband fixed to not have this happen if he has mental issues. You also can take responsibility and refrain from sex because we all know better until we're in the place we told ourselves we'd never go again.
Im not able to have children because of ovarian cancer at 23. I've had multiple miscarriages and 1 still birth. I will never know not having my own children but I do have 4 step children ages now 20-18-12-10.
When we started dating I had custody of my brothers kids ages 3-4-12. My husband kids ages then 3-5-11-13 total of SEVEN kids.
We both work FT, PTA, Coach sports, and etc..it is a lot of work but that is what being a parent is about - self-sacrifice. I can't have a baby but you can again be blessed. It ALWAYS works out just trust and believe. HAVE FAITH!
2006-10-06 13:15:09 · answer #8 · answered by anabanana 2 · 2⤊ 4⤋
NO! Can you live with the fact that you basically killed an innocent person? Can you ever tell your children that the reason you grew into an old bitter woman was because you killed their little bro. or sis? Can you die and look into God's eyes and tell him that you honestly didnt want a child he wanted you to have as a gift from him? Can you look at your childrens pictures and never imagine what your unborn child may have looked like? I could go on forever of reasons not to have the abortion but I cant seem to think of one that you should have the procedure. Please do not do this. You will live to regret it for the rest of your life.
2006-10-06 13:34:45 · answer #9 · answered by marilynhenriksen@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
In the end it will still be your decision and nothing any one says will change your mind. But what if you don't break up? What if you can take care of three kids close in age by yourself? There is plenty of help out there you just have to look for it.
2006-10-06 15:02:12 · answer #10 · answered by Jean 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, you are the poster child for everything that is so wrong with our society today. Women fought so long and so hard for equality. We are no longer chattel (property). We live in a society that allows us to choose our own mate (no arranged marriages). We fought for birth control, and the right to rip our unborn from our bodies when they are inconvenient. We fought for autonomy. You've been dealing with your husband's mental health and anger issues "from day one" and yet you've made three babies with him. You are your own worst enemy...generations of women before you have fought for your rights to have the best life possible, and you have the audacity to weigh a life against your diet?!? Is it any wonder people don't give a damn about life anymore, and walk around shooting children as though they were nothing? We've debased innocence, and Hope, for the sake of convenience.
You and your husband need to be sterilized. I know many really great, mature, loving people who are painfully childless, and who would give anything for the opportunity to bring a child into their lives. And while it may be confusing to your oldest child, if your situation is really as desperate as you've made it sound, I hope you would consider adopting out instead of aborting. And, please get a tubal, and get your husband a vasectomy...maybe your families will chip in for it, if they really would be that horrified at the prospect of another child. If your doctor balks because of your age, you need to explain your situation exactly as you have described it here.
2006-10-06 13:28:10 · answer #11 · answered by oolishfay 3 · 2⤊ 3⤋