I need to hear a funny joke. does anyone have a "good one"?

Answer 1

A man's riding through the dessert and suddenly gets the urge to make love. He looks around and sees no women only him and his camel. He then got of the camel, undressed and placed the camel in position. But at the last second the camel bit his balls. The man painfully got dressed. Some hours later, the man got the same urge and again at the last sec, the camel bit his balls. The man gave up and got back on tha camel. The next day the man arrives in a urban town and saw a beautiful woman who pleaded with him to try fixing her car for her and she'd do "anything" for him. This the man did with a huge grin on his face. When he was done he said to the woman,"You said you'd do "anything" for me right?" the woman already getting undressed replied," Yes i did." The man then said, "Will you hold my camel's head still?"

Answer 2

yep...

Speedy Seniors...
>
>
>
>
> Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers,
a
> State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks
to
> himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns
on
> his lights and pulls the driver over.
>
>
> Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two
in
> the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
>
>
> The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't
understand,
> I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
>
>
> "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should
know
t
> hat driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other
> drivers."
>
>
> "Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the
speed
> limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit
> proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle
explains
to
> her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit
> embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing
out
> her error.
>
>
> "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this
car
> ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single
> peep this whole time." the officer asks.
>
>
> "Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route
119."

Answer 3

okay, i found this one online
Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that seems most correct (True or False) and circle the T or F as appropriate.
1. A clitoris is a type of flower. T F
2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. T F
3. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird. T F
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe heart trouble. T F
5. Menstrual cycle has three (3) wheels. T F
6. A G-string is part of a violin. T F
7. Semen is another word for "sailor". T F
8. Anus is the Latin word for "yearly". T F
9. Testicles are found on an octopus. T F
10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles. T F
11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. T F
12. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas. T F
13. Coitus is a musical instrument. T F
14. Fetus is a character on "Gunsmoke". T F
15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. T F
16. A condom is an apartment complex. T F
17. An organism is the person who accompanies the chior in church. T F
18. A diaphram is a drawing in geometry. T F
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. T F
20. An erection is when the Japanese vote for their new government officials. T F
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. T F
22. Sodomy is a special kind of fast-growing grass. T F
23. Pornography is the business of making record albums. T F
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins. T F
25. Douche is the Italian word for "twelve". T F
26. An enema is someone who is not your friend. T F
27. Ovaries are a French egg dish made with cheese. T F
yeah, i know it is perverted, but amusing...enjoy!

Answer 4

Okay here is one:

three men are in the hospital being addressed by the doctor at the same time, one was an alcoholic, one a chain smoker and the 3rd was gay. The doctor told them that if anyone of them took part in their filth habits one more time they would die! So as the 3 men left the hospital knowing how serious a warning this was they passed a bar and the alcoholic couldn't pass up the lights and smoke and decided to have one last drink. As soon as he put his glass down he fell over dead. The other 2 men saw this an swore the would never do their habits again and were very shaken up. As they crossed the parking lot the chain smoker noticed a cigarette still burning on the curb and as he looked at it the gay man spoke up " if you bend over to pick that up we're both dead!"

Answer 5

OK a guy goes to a pharmacist and ask for a condom telling the guy behind the counter that he going over to his girlfriends house to have dinner with her family and plan to get Lucky.
Comes back a little later and ask for another saying that his girlfriends sisters pretty hot and he might get lucky with her too. He comes back again ask for another one and say her mother is pretty hot too.
Time for dinner with his girlfriend and her family.They ask the boyfriend to say the pray. The guys go in on and on with the prier.
The girlfriend leans over and says
"I didn't know you was so religious"
The boyfriend replies
"I didn't know your father was a pharmacists"

Answer 6

How did pple know that Kobe Bryant was gonna be ok, throughout the scandal? Spell his first name backwards(say it out loud), haha get it?

Answer 7

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives...... ."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."

Answer 8

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Answer 9

A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”

The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”

The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”

“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”

“Tiger Woods.”

“Tiger Woods the golfer?”

“Yeah.”

“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

“What are you doing?” asks his wife.

The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that!” she claims.

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that,” again she claims.

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it a third time.”

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”

“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this damn hole!”

Answer 10

A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor you've gotta help me, I'm obsessing over cartoons"

Doctor: "ok sir, sit down and tell me what the symptoms are

Man: "they are a yellow family from Springfield"