Do You Think This Is Weird? Is Mother At Fault or Is It Natural Response?

Question

My parents got a divorce when I was young,& I was never upset or bitter about it because it allowed me to go back to my hometown. Before the divorce, my dad got a promotion&we were forced to move away from our family to some unknown place. I was so happy, when he&mom got a divorce, because my mom,siblings&I got to leave. Do you think it's weird that after that, every single time my Dad took us back to his home for visitation, I would cry like a newborn? Even as I got older? Even if it was for a weekend visit, I would still cry any time I had to go with him&leave my mom. It affected me even once I hit my college years. Especially when I had to leave my mom to come to college. It's not nearly as bad now, but sometimes when I go home to visit for the weekend & have to come back to school I get misty eyed. My mom's family always jokes about it, but my Dad's family felt offended&blamed mom for making me that way. Anyone else experience this with ur kids or am I truly weird? lol

Answer 1

I dont think that is weird at all. Your hometown , your mom and your family was and is your comfort zone. That is where your life was before the divorce and resumed after the divorce.
I moved my kids to another state and we all talked about it beforehand and were all in agreement. My kids are so heartbroken. I am moving back so they can be with the kids they have known their whole lives and where they have lived since a young age.
Too bad your dad and his family could not understand this. I am sure that they felt like criminals that you were forced to be with and too bad your mom had to be blamed. You dads family has probably missed out on alot since they felt slighted. Their loss. Kudos to your mom for moving back and giving you back the happirness you deserved.

Answer 2

I can't see this being your Mothers fault unless she put your Father down (said bad things about him) infront of you. Then I could see why you'd have a different emotional attachment to him. But without that an issue, I'd say its just a preference, some children will favor the mother (especially if she's the one taking care of you the majority of the time and you get along) but some kids will favor the Dad. There is nothing wrong with this, everyone has different feelings for different people. I have a more Friend relationship with my Mom and a more Family relationship with my Dad. I think that if your not as "envolved" or as emotional close to certain parent there is always a good reason for it...but that only you can answer. Your Father's family of course will blame your Mom, its rare that a person(s) will own up and try to change things god forbid the reason is actually your Dad and his family.

But they way I see it, your an adult now...life & school smart, you know what makes you happy and comfortable...do what makes YOU feel good. And no I don't think your weird at all, perfectly human.

Answer 3

It's not odd at all Honey. You're just reacting to a kind of 'default' that was set down years ago. Leaving your Mum (albeit temporarily) or leaving your Dad, it's all connected to how you were truly affected by the split years ago. Nobody to blame really, just your sub-conscience response, it's maybe an insecurity issue. I lived abroad for the last 5 years in a country very different to where I grew up & I felt so connected that even the thought of the place now brings an ache to my throat & tears to my eyes. You're so not alone. :-)

Answer 4

Divorce can be scarey for young kids. Sounds like you were clinging to what represented love and security to you, your mom and her family. A trauma like that can have long-lasting effects. But as an adult, you can figure it out if you're willing to work through the sense of insecurity it left you with.

Answer 5

I think it's a little odd, but just a product of a less than ideal situation. It's no one's fault. Sometimes these things just happen.

I cry every time I see a remotely sad or happy ending. Is that my mom's fault? Does it make any sense? No. It's just one of those things.

Now when you have to leave, be sure to think of the great things that await you and be happy.

Answer 6

You are absolutely not wierd.
In fact its great that you are an emotional person who forms strong bonds with people.
I too am the same way.
You are attached to your mother and your hometown which is not a bad thing, nor is your mother at fault.
I feel your responses are totally natural and there is nothing wierd!!
Take care.

Answer 7

Your mother isn't at fault, it's just that you really care for her.
Maybe keeping a picture would help you. My oldest daughter is sort of like that, she's in high school and she dosen't like to leave home. She'll leave for a day or two, but for a week or something she gets really homesick and misses me, of all people. lol
I think it's that mother-daughter bond thing. Oh well, whatever it is it sure is great.

Answer 8

your not 'weird'. it was a tramatic experience and obviously some hidden guilt of being "ok" with the divorce for your personal pleasure may have 'something' to do with it. dig to see if you harbor any guilt over the ordeal and deal with it....apologize to your dad for starters, he probably feels guilty too

Answer 9

You're fine. I was the same way when I was in elementary school. They sent my to the school's psychologist & everything. You get over it or at least you get better at dealing with it. You're just sensitive.

Answer 10

This is a definite bit of unhealthy attachment i think. Its not really normal. Its not the worst thing in the world, but its not normal.