Should i take my kids to see their grandfather?

Question

I have 2 kids,i have no relationship with my father but my eldest child asks about him a lot,i'm wondering if i should take them to visit him? The thing is i have severed my ties with him a long long time ago & have no wish for a relationship with him for myself. I feel sorry for my kids as they used to have a relationship with their grandfather on their fathers side but their dad doesn't really play a part in their lives these days & his parents have separated so they really can't see him anymore..

Any suggestions for me??? I'm really stuck on this...

For all those smart answers calling me selfish i would just like to say i have severed my ties with my father for good reasons & it was not a decision made lightly,if i wasn't bothered about it affecting my kids would i be asking for advice on it??? hardly... any1 readin this,if u haven't got somethin useful or constructive to say then don't bother to answer..

He didn't abuse me... Not at all..

Answer 1

Hi,

I understand. My mother has nothing to do with her side of the family. My Aunts, Uncles, even Grandparents....I don't know them. I am almost 22 years old now. I have now way to know any of them now because my mother severed her ties so well that she knows nothing about them, just their names. It is something that bothers me and the rest of my 6 sibling very much. We would all like to know them, but don't have the chance now.

On the other hand.... I am also a mother who severed her ties with her father..... and for extremely good reasons. I had my son at a young age...only 17. My son gets to see his fathers parents, so he has grandparents. My son asks about his grandfather on my side...and for a long time I didn't know what to say to him. I had to come to an understanding within myself that the past is the past. I trust that My father will not hurt my child, his grandchild. He wanted to see his grandfather so I gave him that chance. In the process my father and my relationship has started to improve as well...healing parts that needed to be healed along time ago. That just might happen to you as well, but only if your ready. It seems like you already know its good for your children to see him...so keep that in mind when your having to force yourself to show up. Just show up.

Answer 2

Lola what was so bad that you don't recognise you dad, cant you find it in your heart to forgive whatever it was but most important you little lads are without a grandad for no fault of their own and they must see other kids enjoying their grandads company and they are deprived because your heart is ice we are only here once so give them the chance to see your own dad lovey otherwise some when along the line you will have terrible regrets and seeing your eldest is asking doesn't that tell you what you should do.. Go on lovey you'll be glad you made the move and just think what it will do for your dad Good luck dont wait do it now

Answer 3

Its difficult,i haven't seen my mum for 15 years and i stopped her having all contact with my children and my youngest who is 14 has never seen her,they also have no other grandparents,but the thing is that i am now a grandmother and i would be devastated if my daughter stopped me seeing my grandson,but i now feel that too much time has passed to make amends and at least have her in the children's lives.I think if there is a chance of a relationship between your dad and kids I'd give it a shot you have nothing to lose,I loved my grandparents as a child and when my dad was alive the kids loved going to see him,its something all kids should be given the chance of,grand-dads spoil the kids in a special way and its something that they will remember forever.

Answer 4

I have exactly the same problem from the grandfather side.
My daughter called me up and said she was coming for a
quick visit, with my grandson which I had never seen. She
told me that the boy, who is now 3 kept on asking where is
your father. Without warning they came to my house. The
young boy was overjoyed and sat on my lap all the time
and his only words were grandpa, grandpa repeatedly....
He soothed my unshaven face time and again. I must say
that I had a divided opinion, first it was my daughter that
did not want to expose him and not I that did not want to
see him. Well, now you have the true story and the result.
Everyone was very happy, mostly the young kid who finally
felt like his friends, who all had grandparents. What more can
I say except that he has his own life and wishes up to a point.
If you insist that the child should not see his granpa, it may
weigh on you later. I can only tell you the truth. Good luck
and God Bless you and your child, and may the correct decision
prevail. Cheers, Iain

Answer 5

If you severed your ties with your father for a good reason, your reasoning must have been very strong. It is sad that your kids do not have a relationship with their grandfather, but you have to trust your decision. You have good reason. I don't know exactly how you can explain the the children why they shouldn't have a relationship with their grandfather, maybe that should be another question to post.

Answer 6

You should take your kids to see their grandfather. Children should know their family member on both sides. It does not matter whether or not their father played a role in there life. Children should not be banned from seeing there family because of a relationship that did not work.

Answer 7

Even though you no longer have a relationship with your father I still think that they deserve to know who he is. I never knew either of my real grandfathers and to this day I still wish that I had had that chance. Some of my favorite memories are with my step-grandpa though before he passed away and I wouldn't want anyone to have taken that away from me. Whatever caused the 2 of you to no longer have a relationship is obviously important to you and you should still uphold your own values but holding innocent children to something they don't understand isn't really all that fair. If it were me I would let them see their grandfather.

Answer 8

I don't know what advice to give you other than my own experience.My hubby and I severed ties with his family for 8yrs we got back in touch our son is15 and daughter 11 have been left disappointed we made a lot of effort for them to see there grandparents aunties and uncles,but nobody made an effort.we were working full time and doing all the visiting.No phone calls to us etc,then the final straw came when only 1 family member bothered to send our son a card on his 15th birthday.We think they are disgusting to treat kids like this.Good luck in what ever you decide to do.

Answer 9

No. Don't take them.

There's absolutely no way you children can see your father without you having a relationship with him. You cut him out of your life for a reason. If your own life is better for not having him around, then that's far better for your kids.

You're also assuming you father wants to play grandad to your kids. It's going to seriously hurt your children if it turns out grandad has no interest in spending time with two small strangers. Has he ever tried to contact you and see 'his' grandchildren?

If you really must, then write to him. A very short, polite note saying the children have asked after him, does he wish to spend time with them. But honestly, it took a lot to get your father out of your life. Why re-open that wound.

My children will never meet my father. I have no guilt about that. My job is to protect them from nasty people like him.

Answer 10

well, as long as you don't see that your children could be put into harms way, then i think it would probably be a good thing for them not to be denied a relationship with him. they are probably looking for a strong father figure, which is really important in any child's life. perhaps you should call your father and ask him if he is willing to have a relationship with your children (if you feel this is a good option), and then ask your children if they would like to meet him if he agrees. if you don't feel that your father is the one for your children, then perhaps look at alternative people in your life. (boyfriends are usually a bad idea... since they can come and go based upon your relationship).