I am agnostic and currently (and recently) single. While getting back into the dating world I'm finding that I am asked quite frequently about my religiouis orientation. Many of the men (and boys) I know are and meet Christian. It seems as if I tell them that I am agnostic, it sends up red flags for them since most people do not necessarily understand (or care to understand) agnostic and atheist beliefs.
I always want to be upfront and honest because I do not want to pretend to be something that I am not or believe something that I don't but once I say that I am agnostic, it seems I instantly get labeled.
How does one go about dealing with this? And, once in a relationship for example with a Christian, is it possible to have a lasting relationship and/or marriage? My last serious relationship was with a Southern Baptist and, needless to say, this caused a lot of problems therefore I am hesitant about getting into relationship with another person who will not accept my beliefs.
2006-10-06 08:59:45 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Don't get me wrong, I am not exclusively interested in Christians whatsoever. It just seems to be the majority and I would never rule someone out because of their beliefs. I respect their beliefs but get the feeling that they never respect mine - this is the problem.
2006-10-06 09:05:16 · update #1
Your "care to understand" is so right on target. That is EXACTLY how they feel. I know because I tried to explain many times to believers about why I was an atheist and they plainly said "I don't care!" They're afraid to learn why because they themselves may become one. I don't get it.
It's good that you're up front and honest, it's just harder in the long run if you're not. People should like you for who you are and not who they might want you to be.
I was with a passive Christiand for about 4 years. The first 3 years were okay and in the last year she went way fundy on me. Missionary work in Africa, the works. It was crazzzzyyy. So needless to say, that relationship didn't work out. I married a Christian although that apparently doesn't seem to work out very well either at the moment. I suppose if I had to do it over, I would find an agnostic/atheist/pastafarian and hook up with them!
By the way, if you're lookin' for an atheist/agnostic, I may end up single soon. LOL.
2006-10-06 09:06:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
When I first met my husband I told him right off that I was an atheist. I knew that he believed in God, but he was not following a specific religion at the time. After we got very serious, he began struggling with his own religious beliefs, and was considering devoting himself to Christianity. We both knew that we could not remain together if he devoted his life to the Christian God. To make a long story short, he chose me instead of Christianity. He still believes in God, but is probably more of a deist than anything else. I think it's essential to be up front and honest in any relationship. I know that my atheism surprises and scares some new people that meet, but that's who I am and if they don't like me there is nothing that I can do about it. I don't know if my story helps you or not, but I hope so. Hope it wasn't too rambling. Peace.
Edit - I would not be able to be in a romantic relationship with a Christian because our beliefs would be so completely different that it would be almost impossible to have any common ground upon which to base our lives together.
Eant's comment below - no stroke, was typing a novel.
2006-10-06 09:02:21 · answer #2 · answered by Kathryn™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm an atheist and my girlfriend is Muslim. She's rather liberal in her views, though, so we agree on most issues. She's also intelligent, good looking, and has a great personality. We talk about religion, and actually first met in a Yahoo religion room, but it really isn't a large part of our relationship.
Each couple is different, though. I have a co-worker who's wife went off the deep end of Christianity. They're getting a divorce.
It all depends on compatibility of beliefs and the priority of beliefs. If religion isn't a big part of your life, you'll find stronger bond in other areasa. Differences in religion won't matter as much then. If you are more literalist in your religious views, it could be a problem, because most religions strongly discourage being around those outside the faith, "unequally yoked" as Christians would say.
2006-10-06 09:02:39 · answer #3 · answered by nondescript 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're right. This is not an easy thing to deal with. I had a similar problem when I was dating. I practice Paganism, so I really had to steer clear of all Christian men. It wasn't because I don't like Christians because I get along with just about everyone, but because I knew the second they realized I was Pagan, I'd be labeled and dumped. Or preached to. One even gave me an ultimatum - my religion or him and conversion. I chose my religion and never regretted that choice.
I ended up marrying an ex-Catholic turned atheist. We don't always agree 100% on religious beliefs, but my husband is very respectful of my beliefs because I respect his right to not have any beliefs.
You might just have to state outright that those who are Christian looking for a Christian woman need not "apply". That's what I had to do.
2006-10-06 09:14:54 · answer #4 · answered by swordarkeereon 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Inter faith relationships can work. I’m a Neo-Pagan (Witch) and my wife of 20+ years is a Christian. The keys are great communications and truly wanting the best for the other person, in both directions. My wife and I fully support the others chosen spiritual path. I do not consider myself more correct and neither does she. We see that both paths have value and that our paths are merely different. I attend church with her most Sundays and she’ll sit in on my circle. I know I’ve been enriched by some of the things I’ve heard at her church and I know my circle has given her pause to think too.
So it is doable but it is not always easy.
Blessed Be,
Pabs
2006-10-06 09:12:15 · answer #5 · answered by Pablito 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would be extra attracted to understanding the place the line is drawn. limited to ones own Sect? i understand many that're uncomfortable with the belief of a relatives member marrying Catholics. IN all honesty i admire the belief. IF interfaith relationships can paintings we've a extra suitable (from a Grassroot point) risk for human beings to appreciate diverse faiths/cultures and a extra suitable risk to realize peace. .
2016-10-15 22:10:00 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love may be blind, but religion is most certainly deaf. You're in a tough spot in North Carolina (the buckle of the bible belt). I'm from Tennessee and I've struggled with the same problem. Ironically, my girlfriend just broke-up with me over religion. Apparently I'm going to hell since I'm not a Christian (she actually said that). I tried to explain to her how hypocritical I thought it was for her to judge me that way (MISTAKE). Her beliefs resonate so loudly in her head that she couldn't hear me when I asked her to respect my right to believe differently than she does (religious deafness). I miss her terribly and I long to convince her that a life of happiness is within our reach. Sadly, she says she can't be with me because when it comes time for us to die she couldn't bear to know that I won't be in heaven with her. Touching? Yes (heart wrenching in-fact). But I can't help it if I don't 'believe' and I won't falsely say I do [believe] just to stay with her, so I guess it goes without saying that the relationship is doomed. I'm lost as to what to do, but reading your post and those of the others here makes me think that I'd be better off just moving on. Maybe to Sin City ;-)
2006-10-06 10:32:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are a true agnostic, you will not have a successful marriage with a Christian. Oil and water/light and dark/non-believer/believer...Sorry, some things don't mix well together. You should seek out someone with your own beliefs and values.
2006-10-06 09:03:09 · answer #8 · answered by Catie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, its very possible to have a mixed religious marriage. If they dump you because your not Christian, then I'm sure its because Mommy wouldnt approve. And Fireball doesnt even know what agnostic means
2006-10-06 09:06:24 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think you mean "lack" of beliefs....yes thats a problem...im married to a man who SAys he is agnostic but he was raised by a minister and has always loved Christian women which is the only reason I agreed to meet him...we talked online....without respect it wont work...my husband respects my beliefs...
dont be afrraid to think that there really is God cuz there is...give it a shot...what do you have to lose?? eternity sounds great!
2006-10-06 09:03:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋