what would you do?

Question

the pres. of my church board has two daughters who are under 21 - they both have myspace websites showing them drinking - wearing very skimpy clothing - and full of sexual inuendos? should this be shown to him and or the pastor?? I have been told by youth and adults that they won't attend our church because of things like this (examples set by our church leader's families)

I would want to know if it were my daughters!

Answer 1

Things can get very messy when people get involved in other peoples business. But it sounds like your church is very important to you & this does seem to be affecting you personally because of the bad example being set. Honestly I don't know if I would get involved in that or not though. The only thing I can suggest is that if you do decide to pass the info along, you may want to do it anonymously. That way the blame won't come back to you if something goes wrong. Set up a fake yahoo account & email the link to him.

Answer 2

Firstly, young people will be young people. I think we often give others unrealistic standards to live up to. Many people view priests and church boards like they can do no wrong, and if they (or anyone in their family) falters, these people with high standards and expectations lose respect for them. This is a question only you can answer. But I think some questions really need to be asked here:

1. What do you stand to gain by "telling".
2. What do you stand to lose by "telling".
3. Will others label you a gossip or lose trust in you?
4. Will the benefits of telling outweigh the chaos telling might cause?

Personally, I think you should let it be. If the girls are meant to get caught by their father - they will be. And if a few MySpace pages are keeping people from joining your church, it's probably for the best. Your church doesn't likely need those kinds of judgemental, self righteous people anyway.

Answer 3

Ouch--you've got a really tricky situation to deal with.

I think the best way to handle it would be to have one of the people who have complained to you to approach the president of your church board directly--after all, Jesus teaches that we should first go right to the person we're at variance with, and so handle the matter at the lowest level, which would be one-on-one.

If that doesn't work, then several people (and I'd include the pastor in the group), should speak with the board president. Again, this is in following how Christ taught us to handle disagreements in the church.

The final, and most drastic, step is the withdrawal of fellowship from the offending member(s).

It's my sincere wish that your congregation will be able to deal with this matter in a loving, godly way. After all, splits in a family benefit no one.

Answer 4

Very touchy situation! I think what I would do is anonymously send the parents a letter. That way I would know that I did my part and would have a clear conscience and no one could give me a hard time about it. Several people have been telling you to let it go but what if these girls end up drinking and driving and get into an accident or is at a party, gets drunk and raped? I know I would feel incredibly guilty if I hadn't said anything knowing I could have helped prevent it.

Answer 5

This is one of those things that drive a lot of people crazy and cause them to accuse Christians to be meddling busybodies. However, Since the Church is a living organism, like a living body there must be a mechanism to deal with the unhealthy things that come along. Like pulling a splinter, or treating an infection.

Within the Body of Christ, this must be done to promote it's spiritual health. Jesus tell us in Matthew 18:15-18 (Amplified Bible)

15If your brother wrongs you, go and show him his fault, between you and him privately. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother.

16But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two others, so that every word may be confirmed and upheld by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

17If he pays no attention to them [refusing to listen and obey], tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a pagan and a tax collector.(A)

18Truly I tell you, whatever you forbid and declare to be improper and unlawful on earth must be [a]what is already forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit and declare proper and lawful on earth must be [b]what is already permitted in heaven.

A further paper on church discipline may be found here:
http://www.raystedman.org/leadership/discipline.html

I would encourage you to go to the parents very gently and bring the subject up first. But do be careful and be aware that you could be turned on and ripped up. It will take some courage.
Proverbs 17:12
Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a fool in his folly.

Why is this important?
Ephesians 5:1-4 (New International Version)

1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

This is scary territory, but something that is necessary for the health of the body.

May Jesus go ahead of you and prepare your way.

Answer 6

first off...what kind of leader is he if he doesn't even know what his own children are doing? doesn't seem like he should lead a church if he can't lead a family. but anyway...if you are going to tell the parents, at least do it this way. tell them that they have something to discuss with there daughters, that they may have been doing some dumb stuff, and could be at risk. let the chips fall from there

Answer 7

As much as It would make me cring. I would want to know this about my kids. We can't be everywhere at all times, and back in the day when people in our society cared about other people in the society they would share these findings. It worked until people stopped taking resposibility for themselves. We as a community/ society need to speak up (in a kind, gental, compassionate, non-judging) voice and try to teach all the chilodren in our world/society that certan behavior is unacceptable and unproductive. In other words if you see a child doing something (wrong) try to educate them on what is (right). Yeah. Yeah. I know...peoples deffenitions of right and wrong are different. But I am talking about the fundimentals. We all have to take responsibility for the society we create!!!

Answer 8

He doesn't know and you haven't told him? What about the sexual inuendos? That sounds nasty. That conjurs up visions of a huge guy named Moe, the life of the party, getting a little too loud, and exclaiming "I'll love you inunendo, baby!"
I shudder at the thought.

Answer 9

Sometimes "doing the right thing" is not always the best. If you spoke with them, it could go either way. It could bring a parent's attention to a potentially harmful situation for the daughters, or it could cause embarrassment and resentment between the parents and yourself. I don't think there's a right answer to this; only you know what feels right.

Answer 10

In my opinion, yes. They are higher ups in your church and there has to accountability for their or their family members actions. In a situation like this, it IS your business. The right thing to do is speak with them about it.