Is my boyfriend normal?

Question

I don't see any of my friends or colleagues outside work because he doesn't have any friends himself. If I do for lunch with someone (even female) and get caught, he goes really funny.
He thinks that going to see my parents is a waste of money. (he doesn't see his parents)
When I'm texting, he walks past and looks over my shoulder.
I go to the gym three times a week. He either comes and has a look if my car is parked in the front, or sits in his car and waits until I come out or walks into the gym to 'see how hard I'm working out'.
If I'm five minutes late from work, he asks why and says 'that's strange'.
He refuses to spend any money one me, every so often he says 'shall we go to lunch' and then I'm having to buy my own.
Etc etc etc. It's beginning to drive me potty. Although everyone tells me 'leave him', I would have liked to check whether I'm being unreasonable

Answer 1

I think he has some excellent qualities, let's consider them:-

(1) "he doesn't have any friends himself" - so he's completely devoted to you, and therefore he'll never be unfaithful;
(2) "he goes really funny" - most women would love to have a man with a great sense of humour;
(3) "He thinks that going to see my parents is a waste of money" - he believes in economising, so with this man you'll soon be able to put a down payment on a nice house, and be parents yourselves;
(4) "When I'm texting, he walks past and looks over my shoulder" - he is concerned that you impress people with a high standard of English, so he is ready to help you with spelling and grammar;
(5) "He ... sits in his car and waits until I come out" - he is concerned about your personal safety at night, which is not surprising since he is so in love with you;
(6) "If I'm five minutes late from work, he asks why and says 'that's strange'." - he worries that your employer may be exploiting you, by making you work unpaid overtime.

What is abnormal here is why you don't see what an absolute treasure you have. You should be overjoyed to have such a boyfriend. I mean he's probably buying you a personalised chastity belt right now.

Answer 2

He's a control freak who is leaving you no space to be you.

If this continues in the same way you are going to be resentful of him for resticting your life.

No partner should dictate how the other should live.

You need to be free and as self expressed as possible, a committed relationship is just one dimension of your life.

Sure you do some team work in maybe creating a family, bringing up kids, living together but that's all in the future. Imagine what rules this guy would create if you developed your relationship into these areas, I really shudder to think.

Think you would do best to reevaluate what YOU (capitals for a reason...don't comprise here girl) want for your life and relationship and then decide if your boyfriend fits this view. If he does rechoose him, if he doesn't or never can, move on with your life and find somebody new.

Answer 3

I am gonna be honest with you. I dont understand the logic behind your boyfriend. He may have a little jelousy problem because you get on with your parent better than his..... and you have a few friends and he doesnt.

I (being honest) dont have many friends either. However, I dont get in the way if she (girlfriend) is with people or 'texting' someone. Thats none of my business. I also trust her so I dont need to look for her car or 'pop in' to see if your actually where you said you were (for example)

Everyone needs to odd space in relashionships... and your partner seems to find it difficult to be away from you for more than 5 minutes. I think he has a bit of difficulty in the 'trust' department and I feel you need to speak to him maturely about this.

I suppose it depends if you want to stay with him or not?? If you dont, then be a better person and end it, or try your hardest and tell him how you feel about him, and the things that frustrates you.

Out of curioisity, does he take anything at all? It may seem like a silly question, but certain drugs can effect this sort of behaviour. I'll end it there,

Good luck

Answer 4

Gosh, I don't know about him but you must be using up a hell of a lot of energy! Watching every step you take, thinking so hard and trying to ensure you don't upset him, when you aren't actually doing anything wrong, and no doubt you have probably wasted a lot of tears over this. I feel for you, and maybe you need to try and step back for a moment, perhaps look at your question again and answer as if you didn't know who submitted it! What future do you have living like this? I can tell you, low self esteem, panic attacks, depression maybe, loneliness, a loveless relationship??????? unfortunately the list goes on, think about it hun. best wishes x

Answer 5

Very interesting, don't just listen to these other people (no offence) it will only make things worse for him. It sounds like he has had a lot of childhood problems/traumas that may be lurking in his unconcious, he also seems to have big intimacy problems which could be related to his childhood. It could be that his parents have a history of disfunctional family problems, or it could be from old relationships. You obviously care about him, so I will give you this advice: tread carefully, but try to get him to 'open up' to you, talk to him and find out why he struggles with trusting you, but he obviously loves you a lot and doesn't want to lose you. other than that I can only say good luck.

Answer 6

Hi!

No Honey! HE'S being unreasonable.

Sorry, but I've seen this so often before.

You have to get out of this relationship while you can.

I have a friend who was going through EXACTLY the same thing a year ago. I spent a whole night trying to get her to see the light. Now she is eight months pregnant and is stuck with a loser for life. Even though she won't admit it to me, I know for certain she is regretting every second of it.

You so deserve much, much better than this.

Hope this helps.

Answer 7

everyone is right. You should leave him. How can you lead a normal life with someone who behaves like that. It is always good to have relationships with people other than your partner. It is important to have family and friends. Do you want to give that all up. Because that is what he is trying to do and eventually he will get his way as you will give it all up for an easier life. Ive seen it all before. Finish and move on. Find someone who you will enjoy spending time with. And that will take you out and spend time and money on you. Good luck

Answer 8

Hello, RED FLAG, he is borderline psychotic. The fact that you used the word 'get caught' regarding lunch with girlfriends is BAD BAD BAD. Who does he think he is? If he cared for you he would trust you and be happy that you have a life of your own and want to spend time with your family, parents. Family comes first, girl. He sounds a bit obsessive to me and that ain't good. Normally those are the ones who turn psycho. Get out now.

Answer 9

awww, poor u obsessive guys are such weiners. Ok i say u should talk 2 him first you don't wanna dump him if he likes u a lot (which he must or he's just a complete freak). He must like you a lot so just say can u be a little less controlling cause i cant cope with this. If he gets annoyed then dump him cause a relationship is a two way thing and from the sound of it he's controlling it.

Answer 10

No this is not normal, not by any means of the word, this is called jealousy, being obsessed , insecurity, posessiveness, there is no trust, maybe guilty concious. all of these things lead to a really bad relationship, infact it sounds like he is the one with the relationship (of his own kind ) you are being treated more like an object that he has to keep up with, or a child who needs a babysitter, personally i would try to find out what his problem is with trusting you , have you given him a reason not to , if not then he needs some help and you need someone who knows how to treat you.