I need a relationship genius?

Question

Sorry if this is long but I'm driving myself insane over this situation. My boyfriend and I just broke up because he is going through a lot of crap right now. He has no time and has a lot of stress so he didn't think it would be right to date me. I know this is all true but I'm having 2nd thoughts because a little bit before he broke it off I thought he started to have feelings for his ex who he still hangs around with(could be paranoid though). I don't think she would ever take him back though because of his past. I also worry about him because he is such a great friend, I have a feeling all this stress in his life could lead him back to his past of drugs and alcohol. If he went back to that I would not date him. If everything calms down in his life I could see us getting back together but now we are just friends-but should I even think about getting back with him? If every time he goes through a crappy situation and breaks it off I don't think I'll be able to do it.

Should I give him time? Do you think I'm just being stupid when I think his ex is on his mind? Should I move on? When I explain this to coworkers they say hes cheating on me, but I don't know. I would really like Guys and Girls opinions on this. In your past have you gone through a similar situation? How did it turn out?



** I know I asked this question before..I just want more opinions**

Answer 1

Hey girl you do not need a genius. You need both his and yours honest opinions if getting back together is right for both of you. I can tell you from my experience trust your instincts about his ex. We have red flags that go up when something is not right and we ignore them Why I don't know but as women we want things to work out so we pretend that if we just do this or that we can make the relationship work. Go with what your head is telling you not your heart. I would get out of it now and forever so you can find happiness with a man that doesn't have all this baggage.

Answer 2

Well, I would not cut off your options. Give him time and stay in touch and try to be a good friend. But also get out there and meet other people and keep your eyes open. I think that timing is an important factor in whether a relationship works. And this may be the wrong time for him. It might be best for you two to bond when he is under less stress. Once you have become close, maybe next time he will be ready to work though his problems with you by his side. BUT since at the moment you two are not a couple... start looking elsewhere. You don't want to waste your time waiting around for him. In time I guess you'll figure out whether he's really hung up on the ex or is getting over her.

Answer 3

You should definitely try moving on. Past experiences for me have taught me that if a guy is totally into you, he will not want to spend time with anyone else and if he is having personal problems, he would come to you with them instead of pushing you away. He might be a great guy, but he may not be ready for the level of relationship you are wanting to have. There's nothing wrong with continuing to be friends, but I really think the best thing to do is stop all contact with him and move on. It might hurt right now, but you'll be better off in the long run. I have been through this exact same thing many times before and it was always better when I just left the guy alone.

Answer 4

Hay girl, this really does suck but you'll get over it. You dont need no one in your life who feel that he controls the relationship and can just break it off when the heat get to hot. He need to know that he can talk to you about whatever it is that worries him and that he dont have to break up with every time he goes through something. Let him know that you are there for him and you'll try to help him as much as you can. If you think that he wont his ex back then you should ask him about it he might and he might not. If he is stressing you out this much you dont need him you can and will find better, think about you first and most keep you mind,body&soul safe those things are what matter the most, but yes we all need love but we need to love ourself the most and first. Keep all this in mind sorry so long.

Answer 5

First of all, you are not responsible for his drug or alcohol use. If he chooses to use, it's his choice. If he chooses to see his ex-girlfriend, there's nothing you can do about that either. It's also his choice.
Your choice is this: Do you want to continue to drive yourself insane over a guy who breaks up with you whenever life gets him down? Will you ever be able to rely on him to be there when things get tough? Do you always want to worry about potential drug use, cheating, feeling worried and paranoid and going insane if/when he breaks up with you again?

He may be ok as a friend, but is he really the best choice you can make for a loving, loyal, reliable, stable partner? It's your future. Just know that "life" is always full of problems and ups and downs. Wouldn't you rather be with someone strong enough to face it?

Answer 6

If he still hangs around his ex he might still have feelings for her. My ex likes to hang around me all the time and I know his girlfriend doesn't like it and he still has feelings for me. It every time he gets in his situation and wants to break up I don't think he is a good bf to have because that is putting stress on you because you may feel like that you are causing his stressful situation that is causing you guys to break up all the time. I say you bf is not capable of handling stress and a relationship at the same time so I think it would be best that you guys stay as friends. instead of being on this emotional rollercoaster

Answer 7

once one gives in to drugs and alcohol there is no going back. you take the drug, then the drug takes the drug, then the drug takes you. people with dependency problems can usually get through the easy times. but when the pressure is on them they will usually resort to the only escape route they know. it's amazing they have not figured out that once they come down the problem is still there. the addiction affects everyone around the addict. you didn't say how long you have been dating but you seem to know the man very well. you certainly understand the challenge ahead of you if you continue this relationship. it is time to have a heart-to-heart with him. tell him your concerns and how you feel about his inability to deal with day to day challenges. let him know you have concerns about investing more time and emotion into a relationship that doesn't look like it has a future. talk with him about his ex and tell him how you feel about their relationship. get everything out on the table. watch his body language. if you are not comfortable with what he is saying or have reason to believe he is not being honest with you then you will have your answer. people like this man are very good at getting people to sympathize with them because they feel so sorry for themselves. do not get sucked in to mothering him and letting him off the hook when it comes to his responsibility to be honest with you. life is for the living. go out and live your life and let him know he can be a part of it or he can be the only one at his pity party.

Answer 8

He has alot of stress, and I'm sure you haven't kept your feeling about him and his ex to yourself. Your just adding more stress on the guy. Men get into a relationship to have some fun. They don't need someone nagging at them. Your worried about him getting into drinking and drugs, and you probably nag at him about that too. Let him breathe. I can feel his pain myself.
If this guy has so many things about him that u don't like why in the world would you want to be with him? Are u trying to be the next Mother Theresa. I say no, don't get back with him. And he would be a fool to want you back. you sound like a real pain in the behind.

Answer 9

First of all, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I can imagine how difficult this must be.
I do not think you should consider getting back together with him. In healthy relationships, when on person is having problems, they turn to their partner for comfort and help - they don't pull away.
As for your friendship, you can't help someone who doesn't want to let you in. I think it's great that you want to be there for him, but you'll have to wait for him to come to you. Until then, you should try to move on. Good luck!

Answer 10

this is really simple, super easy solution. just take a deep breath and relax. a guy with a history of drg and alchohol abuse is not a great guy to hang around with period i don't care if he is reformed. but the only thing you can really do in this situation is wait. if he cheats on you theres the solution, end it. if he just needs some time to himself to sort out his crap then he will and he'll come back to you. and problem is once again solved. as for your fear of the future, no one knows that the future holds but here's the truth, he treats you the best early on in the relationship, it doesn't get any better, only worse, so if your unhappy with how your being treated now as this kind of "burden" he has to shed to solve his problems, i'd make sure the guy really wants you but hey thats me i like being around my gf, she makes stressful days better. so, wait and see, if he keeps acting like your a burden, then you know where you stand, if he cheats your solution is obvious, if he gets back with you and has his crap sorted then once again, solved and ready to move on.