My fiance was engaged when we met, I was unaware of this. He fell head over heels in love with me, and I with him,he told me two months later that he had been trapped in an unhappy relationship for 3 years, not having the strength to leave her knowing he should. He told me about how she and her family constantly pressured him into a marriage situation, one he did not want. Before getting involved he completely ended it with her, she even sued him for wedding expenses (she lost). Long story short, we began a relationship that blossomed very quickly and he proposed to me after we had dated 6months. Unlike his previous situation, he is very eager to marry me and very eager to make wedding plans. We plan on a marriage before the new year. My question is this:Should I let his past be his past and trust and put my faith in his loyalty, or should I use caution? I am very much in love with him but am uncertain if I should assume anything from his past or just let it be just that, the past.
2006-10-06 06:53:15 · 36 answers · asked by BlondeBarbie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
has he ever given you any other reason to not trust him? I say go for it, if you are on love and he says the same, you cant think about what ifs. Life is full of them and if you went through them all you would never get married, things are going to happen, sounds like he is telling the truth. I do think it was wrong for him to be meeting you while he is engaged and I think he should have had the b a l l s to tell her that he wanted out instead of letting her make wedding arrangements but people make alot of mistakes, get over it and believe him, have a happy life for as long as you can! good luck to you
2006-10-06 06:56:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he broke it off with the ex before you two got together than trust him all the way. It is very likely he was unhappy and willing to settle in that relationship. Men are weird like this. I have been with a guy for 3 years who was living with a girlfriend when I met him. He broke it off with her before he ever took the casual flirting to another level. He didn't try to hold onto to her or sugar coat anything with her. He ended it because he wasn't happy and it would never change. We started dating a week later. I never do this either. But we have this insane connection to each other and get sick when apart for more than a day, his work sometimes makes him work double shifts. I got all worried once and drove by his workplace and he was where he said he was. I felt dumb after. But it's hard not to think that way sometimes but the love is real and we talk all the time so I put those evil little thoughts out of my head. In the long run they could cause a break up for no reason at all. Trust him like you have from the beginning. If he really is a bad guy nothing you do is going to change it. But he sounds very happy to be with you so take it for everything it is and be happy.
2006-10-06 07:04:48 · answer #2 · answered by Baby girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, do you trust him? Do you feel cautious around him all the time? If you believe that he does love you as much as you love him then I see no reason for you not to get married. You should let his past be the past. Move on from there- if you can't deal with this info, then you should not be marrying him- or at least not so soon. Are you both honest with one another- so there aren't any other secrets- i.e. other people. In the end you are the one who has to decide. I hope you make a wise choice and go with your instincts. It also wouldn't hurt to ask some advice from any of your close friends. So, Good luck. Congratulations on your engagement and possible marriage.
2006-10-06 07:01:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a doozy!!!! I'm not going to be harsh but I would say to take caution. I wouldn't rush into gettin married just yet. I understand he would like to but why? You don't know the entire story of the last wife and there are always two side to a story. I understand the past is the past but you still have to consider what this man is like and you don't want to get yourself tied up in all the drama. It is wonderful to be in love, I don't blame you for that but just get to know him and slowly plan the wedding. If he has a problem with that, I would say that is a sign right there. Any man that loves you like he says, shouldn't have a problem in waiting. Let him know that you need time. Assure him that you love him dearly but you feel that you need time to slow things down. Do not rush into the wedding thing b/c it may be a disappointment later!!! Good Luck.
2006-10-06 07:00:05 · answer #4 · answered by jetta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fact from fiction, truth from diction. WE ALL account the pass of others we are involved with. even as friends. In a perfect world we would all deal with the here and now. Letting the pass be just that. But we are still human. And no matter what people say. we are more distrustful than not. It comes down to levels. We can trust an office worker to borrow our pocket calulator but maybe not our Blackberry or our car. For people we feel he love and want a romanic attachment to, we will forgive a lot. way more than just the average person. Maybe even out own family. Ask yourself this? If you discovered that he twice was sued and served prison time for money scams would that make a differnce in how you see him? If you can't say you would see him and trust him with your money the same as no one who ever got fingered doing scams, then history plays some importance no matter how you don't want it to.
Lets say it played out as he said. He didn't love her but felt presured. WHY? Did her family have money? Was he going to get a cushy job that her family controlled? If someone was tossing muffins off your head, no matter how nice of a guy you want to appear. You are not going to go for it. And if he was wishy washy on that. It is not the broken engagement I would be looking at but his indecisiveness. That is not history but a present character trait. What if he got to the point where the uphoria of your relations came to reality and it is not what he felt he wanted. He might not tell you until you were way down the road.
Myself. Because of the character traits exposed by the whole incident. I would wait. Aee how much sticking power is behind the love. If it is really there, it will be there another 6 months or more down the road, and in fact, be even stronger.
2006-10-06 09:13:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
His past is his past, the only caution I would have is the communication he is able to have. If he felt trapped in an unhappy relationship before, and didn't have the strength to leave, what would he do if he had someone on his chest later down the road and couldn't bare to tell you.
If your guys line of communcation is great, and you two love and trust eachother with all of your heart, then let his past be your past, just like your past is your past. Start a new future together.
BUT, before you get married, make sure all doubts are resolved!
2006-10-06 06:57:14 · answer #6 · answered by marypaz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happy that your in love, but also think you should use cation. He didn't tell you about her for 2 months!!
Is it possible he could do the same to you? yes, possibly!
IF he won the law suite, maybe he likes going around, being engaged, and then not going through with a marriage.
In your situation, why not have a longer engagment, so it gives you time to see if his past can be just that, his PAST!
IF your both deeply in love, that love will be there even if it's further down the road from the alter!!
2006-10-06 07:01:37 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use caution. 6 months is hardly enough time to know this man, and given his weakness and excuses (he was trapped, he was unhappy, he was cheating with you by falling in love while already engaged to be married, he was pressured)-- I don't think rushing into marriage is such a hot idea. Has he truly earned your trust and loyaly? Doesn't seem like it yet.
DO NOT marry ANYONE you are uncertain about. WAIT until you are certain, Wait another year before considering a proposal.
2006-10-06 06:58:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have any concerns just talk it out with him. I've found when a person is up front about there past then you cannot hold anything against them. I would advise to get all concerns out before you get married. It sounds like he was unhappy in his previous relationship and that you are the one because I can only assume if you wasn't he would not have proposed to you. Good luck with your wedding and remember ask questions about your concerns.
2006-10-06 06:58:17 · answer #9 · answered by Kenya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see any reason to be concerned about the time-frame. I met my husband and knew I wanted to marry him one month later.
If I were you, I would be a bit concerned about the way his last relationship played out. Firstly, if he wasn't strong enough in his last relationship, that could be a red flag for a character flaw. Secondly, you want to make sure you aren't his rebound. I know it's tough, but my sister had a very similar situation (he was engaged and broke it off when they started going out), they got married and it was awful. They separated 3 months after they got married and divorced within the year.
I'm not saying any of these scenarios will happen to you, I would just keep my eyes open for any warning signs. It might help to talk to him about your concerns and maybe see a couples councilor or go to pre-marital counseling just to get a constructive outside opinion. Hope everything works out for you! Good luck!!
2006-10-06 07:00:33 · answer #10 · answered by Luckiest_Wife_EVER 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋