Dicipline for a 19 month old?

Question

Ok....have I lost control or is this normal? I have a 19 month old daughter who is throwing tantrums about EVERYTHING!! Screaming, kicking and yelling "NO" when I try to redirect her. I remove her from the situation and am consistent but it feels like she is getting worse and could care less about that. On occasion I have swatted her hand or leg and told her no and she just hits me back. Last night she flushed my cell phone down the toilet and I lost it and screamed at her and put her in her play pen so I could calm down. I am at my wits end and do not want to lose control and get on her level and scream and act like a kid myself. PLEASE someone with similar experince tell me how to get control back. She is so smart and talks very well, we have a steady schedule and do plenty of things together like read and play in her room or at the park when I get off work. I do not want to raise a brat.....help!!

About the play pen comment, yeah she is outgrowing it and she does HATE being in it I usually only put her in it when she is naughty because she can't climb out and do what she wants any way. She has been walking since 11mths and that play pen is the only restaint I have left because she sleeps in a toddler bed insteand of a crib. I think I will trade the play pen for a gate on her nursery door maybe that would be more age appropriate. Thanks for the comment and no I was not offended by it. Thanks for taking the time to answer!

Answer 1

I have a 27 month old daughter, your daughter is starting her "terrible 2" stage. Being autonomous. She's just trying to find her bounderies. Mine did the same thing. Now is the time to introduce time out. SO get a little chair for her to sit on when she's not being nice. Don't use words like "you're bad" or "you're naughty" so she doesn't repeat it. Use words like "that's not nice". For the first few times, she'll probably get up but keep putting her back on the seat. The hardest for you would be to keep your cool. When she's screaming and crying tell her in a very very quiet voice "I'm going to count to 4 and if you're still crying you'll get time out" trust me she'll understand. calculater her time out as two minutes after she stops crying. so even when she's crying during time out, u tell her if she keeps crying she'll not get up. If she's anything like my daughter she'll look for every excuse to get up like "i want milk", "I want daddy", "I want hugs" etc and offcourse tell her she wouldn't get anything until she's done. Afterwards, ask her to come meet you, go down on her level and ask her what she did wrong, most likely she'll tell you since she talks, if she can't, then explain it to her. Off course it's all about being persistent but it worked for me. Goodluck.

Answer 2

I have a 22 month old daughter and we're in the same place, but coming out of it (and into new adventures!). Hang in there, mama, it sounds like you're doing great.

Redirect, redirect, redirect. It gets old, but she really does need that repetition -- rinse and repeat ad nauseum -- at this stage. I've noticed that dd has two kinds of tantrums: temper tantrums and tempering tantrums. Temper tantrums are pretty rare for her, actually. Those are the flat out "I'm mad, you said no, and I'm. Just. Mad." More often she has tempering tantrums, where there's a trigger: she's tired, hungry, teething, etc.

I handle both the same way, with calming words, reason, back rubs, and if needed, a "calm down" time out (vs. a punitive time out) on my lap in a different room. (Change of scenery seems to really help.) If flying toys are involved in a temper tantrum, the toy is the one that gets a time out. Avoiding the triggers can help avoid the tempering tantrums, but this is such a tough age for them -- their comprehension and intellect are so far ahead of their emotional maturity at this point, and sometimes they just need to let it all out or get crazy. I haven't lost my cell phone down the toilet yet, but toys have been flying through the air on a regular basis.

I think it's good that you're not ignoring it and not getting punitive with her, because at this age she's really doing very developmentally appropriate (if undesired) things. Explaining what you want to see and don't want to see, redirecting and removing the temptations, and giving her positive feedback when she is on track will see you through this.

Answer 3

It's called the terrible 2's. My nephew had them really bad. Everything was a "NO!" and he had the attitude with it. Now we are going through it with my niece. She isn't as bad as my nephew. She enjoys doing stuff she just has the attitude when someone makes her mad.

You can't really do nothing about it. Just be calm and patient. Sooner or later they will get out of the terrible two's and you'll be very happy! Ha! If she does stuff like you explain. Tell her she shouldn't do that and spank her. You didn't do nothing wrong by hitting her. She needs to know what's wrong from right.

Not to sound mean, but isn't a play pen kind of to small for her? I know my nephew and niece never used one. But I would think I play pen is for when they are younger. By now your daughter should be walking or starting too. She shouldn't be in a play pen. I think that's mean to put them in there. It's a small space and they need to roam around and learn things. Not be shoved into a small one. Don't get mad, that's my experience. When I was a baby I hated being in small places, I was little and wanted to learn new things.

Answer 4

The previous answer is exactly right. As long as she gets a reaction out of you then she is getting what she wants. Ignore her, walk away (safely of course) and let her scream all she wants. She will soon learn that it does no good and will stop. What you have to start to teach her now is that the world does not revolve around her, which it has for the first two years of her life, necessarily. You have to literally not care if she is throwing a tantrum, because as long as she knows you do, she's getting exactly what she wants--a high probability of having things her way instead of yours. Be firm, just tell her to do it and tell her like you mean it and expect her compliance. Don't wait to see how she reacts, remember, you don't care how she reacts. Example, you want her to take your hand and go with you to the car. Simply put out your hand, "Kid, come with me." Rather than bending over and asking her, "Would you like to go with me..." When you do things the second way, you are teaching her that she controls the world. She can control the world when she's 18, not now.

Answer 5

Your smart daughter is taking control because she can...I mean no offense here...when she crosses the rules or obedience line she needs to know in advance what the consequence will be...then once she has earned this consequence...you can calmly administer it. Nose in the corner (I used hands behind back on this one) and being still no wiggle worms. when they wiggle time starts over...19 mos...I would start at a minute and graduate from there. Time out seat I didn't find as effective due to the stimuli available to their eyes. Nose in the corner lets them think about why they are there w/out the distractions. If you can institute some sort of consequence for bad behavior, and then show her how much fun and entertaining good behavior can be...You will gain your control back...then you just have to remind her on occasion..."whose the boss young lady" friendly little reminders like that...do I do what you say...or do you obey (listen) to me?. Establish this and also let them know they are loved and respected so they feel free love and respect you back.

Answer 6

No honey it's nothing uncommon at all, kids inthis age typically act yhis way. the important thing is that you should'nt lose it with her. stay calm and tell her( in a ver soft tone that you dont like her behavior) If she goes on ignore her completely for a time.this is going to work if she is just doing it to test your limits or to seek attention.you should be consistent in ignoring this kind of behavior,just supervise her without her understanding it and make sure she doesnt hurt herself while she's having a tantrum.Never, never use physical force even if she does, she is the one throwing a tantrum not you. stay calm and act by logic not anger. Dont worry she'll outgrow it.

Answer 7

Your little girl seems very smart....she also seems to be learning from you! You said that you screamed at her cause you were so frustrated? Keep an eye on your daughter's surroundings, as well as how you and your husband react to eachother/things. She could be picking up her behavior somewhere close to home(for example when you screamed out of frustration) Most of these behaviors children learn from watching others or how people react to them. For example, when my husband got his daughters(my stepdaughters who were 3 and 4) for 3 months, I was the caretaker because he worked. Well when I put the girls in time-outs and stuck to it, they threw fit after fit. I am assuming their fit throwing was from lack of punishment or follow through of punishment-though(your situation sounds different). One day when I put one of the girls in time out-she got so mad she started screaming at the top of her lungs and saying all types of things...but the one thing that blew my mind was when she said, "I'M GONNA KILL YOU." Now I know that a 4 year old did not come up with something like that herself. She probably heard it at home somewhere. It took over a month and their Dad backing me up(showing them that we were in on this together) to finally break their bad habits, and eventually there were no more time-outs while they were with us. She sounds like she is just testing boundaries, and some children have more dertimation than others(to put it lightly). Try and isolate her for a few until she calms down. She may just be doing it for attention. Time-outs work great...especially at that age. 2 minutes feels like a lifetime to them. And there's nothign wrong with a little swat in the face to let them know that you mean business.

Answer 8

Speaking as the mother of a little one who would frighten the daylights out of Damien if he were to come up against him, try to remember that each situation will pass and are you going to remember it in 10 years time. The answer in most cases is no you wont. At the moment that it is happening it is trying and you wonder how you are going to get through to this child. Anger is natural but to a small child it can be very frightening as Mommy is screaming and the next minute hugging and trying to convey to a child that their behaviour is not acceptable. what we tried was to ask was that good behaviour or bad behaviour, a simple concept to understand as comprehension is black and white, the grey area comes from your reaction and how quickly you react. It' a start but try to remember the saying, Begin how you mean to finish. At this stage like puppies children learn by positive reinforcement. Redirect their interest and involve them in your routine, Absence from the room at this point for any great length of time only leads to disaster. Believe me I know. Sounds like you have a very strong little girl direct her strengths as she grows, she will make you proud.

Answer 9

You sound like a good mom and it sounds like your doing everything you can.I noticed you said you work.Is the day care or babysitter letting her get away with acting this way.If so she realizes that and is testing you to see how far you will let her go, or she thinks if its okay there than its okay at home.If this may be the case keep doing what your doing and stay consistent.And you may start thinking about finding a new sitter.Don't forget to take some time for yourself (we all need that)! Keep up the good work. And good luck!

Answer 10

Woo Nelly. RELAX. I have an 18 month old, and we started to notice the constant "NO! NO!" to everything. There is a guard you can get for the toilet so she cannot lift the lid. Childproof the WHOLE house. Close doors to limit the space she can go in. The most important lesson is this: YOU MUST get down to her level when you discipline her. Right down to her level, looking her straight in the eyes, a foot away from her. "Sweetie, Mommy said No. Now do not do that again. This is your last warning." Then when she does it again, she goes to the naughty step. Start watching SUPERNANNY!!!@!!