My 5 year old son's father is not in his life by his own choice. Recently, he has been asking how come his daddy doesn't live us anymore. What is the easiest way to explain this so he'll understand and not be too hurt?
2006-10-06 06:44:50 · 14 answers · asked by CodysMom1009 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
My son, who is also a Cody, has asked me that before as well. He will be 5 in Feb and his father hasn't been around for about 3 years.
He will see other kids with their dads, especially @ daycare, and he will ask.
Basically, I just told him that each family is different and that not all families have a mom & dad. Sometimes for many different reasons there is just a mommy or just a daddy, but that doesn't mean that he is loved any less. I told him he is loved twice as much by me.
Just be up front, really, but don't lie and tell him he may come back. Say that his daddy has to live somewhere else but it doesn't mean he doesn't love him anymore.
Good luck...it can be a hard thing to discuss.
2006-10-06 06:58:31 · answer #1 · answered by angie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My daughter's real father isn't in her life either... actually he hasn't even been around for the majority of my pregnancy but i was for the best in my situation. I have a great guy in my life right now who i am currently pregnant by that my daughter loves and calls daddy.. he came along at an early enough age for her to grow on him as dada. Honestly my daughter will have to learn one day he isnt her real daddy.. What i will probably do is sit down with her and tell her nicely. I don't think it will matter though. Yea there is curiosity but my whole point is a child doesn't need a father by blood in their life.. they just need that manly figure to look up to just as they need the nuturing figure a mother is. Adopted kids grow up just fine without their blood born parents. It's just the love they get.
2006-10-06 14:45:16 · answer #2 · answered by Alysia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My kids never asked that question. They had more than enough love from everyone in my family that it never really was an issue.
My oldest remembers how hard it was to have their dad there with us so really doesnt mind we left him. We were better off without him in our world.
I never would talk down on their fathers, as i believed that if they got older it would be their own choice to either respect him or not. It was not up to me to implant my own personal thoughts in their heads.
At age 5, he may not understand, but you can let him know that all families are different and his is different because he has LOTS of people who love and care for him, not just a mom and dad. Just never say mean or bad things about his dad to him- let him grow up andfigure it out on his own!
good luck!
2006-10-06 15:35:37 · answer #3 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the father has chosen not to be a part of your family,you can explain that to the child with care.You have to be honest.Children 'smell' lie from a kilometre.Tell the truth about his father(with no so much details).If the father has been bad with you,tell the child.If the father hasn't loved him,tell him that the father had no choice and just wasn't ready to live in a family.I divorced last year and my children(ages 15,12,10, 7,5,2 and 2) needed different explanations.The older ones(15,12 and 10) understood the situation and knew that a divorce is just necessary.The youngers(7 and 5) needed to ne told that they will often see their father and he will always love him,no matter he doesn't live with us.The youngest two(the twins) just needed to present at the conversation I had with the 5-year-old and the 7-year-old.
2006-10-06 15:34:32 · answer #4 · answered by julie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm in the same situation, but my daugther is too little to realize it. I plan to just be honest. Also, I think it is important to avoid trash-talking the dad (even if he really is an a***! ;)) I just plan to tell her that daddy was a very nice man, but just wasn't ready to be a daddy, and that sometimes we can't make people do what we want them to. Then say that he might not have a daddy around, but he has so many other things, and remind him of aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.
2006-10-06 15:17:01 · answer #5 · answered by memichelle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
such a hard one and i really feel for you cas im in the same position although my 4yr old son hasnt start to ask questions yet and i fear for when he does.
id love to tell him wot a **** his father is blah blah but i know for my sons sake i cant. i suppose i will say daddy loves you very much and hes very sorry he cant be around. will say he lives along way away. ill try and answer any questions i can as honest as i can, and that loads of people have different people in their families - eg some people dont have mums. when my son is older if he does want to see his father i will help him in finding him and he can discover himself what kind of person he is.
its horrible to be in this situation and i really feel for you. hope you find the right words
2006-10-06 13:55:41 · answer #6 · answered by alrightyyy_then 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You could say that sometimes,things are different and they change.Say that some families are different too,some don't exactly have daddies,some don't even have moms.Say that he is a very lucky boy to have a mom (and list a few other family members) and that everything will be okay,and not to worry. :) That's how my best friends mom explained it all to her.She understood completely,whimpered a bit,but wasn't too hurt.
2006-10-06 13:58:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that daddy has made the choice to have some space. Reassure him that daddy loves him. Let him write a note to daddy and send or leave it where you know he can get it. Don't tell him daddy will see him untill he shows up.
2006-10-06 13:57:45 · answer #8 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
be honest with him but remember his age if his dad doest want to be in his life for what ever reason try explaining to him that right now dad isnt around because he has some personal problems and cant be there right now it might give u some time and hopefully it will satisfy his questions until hes older and then u can explain in more detail what ever u tell him just dont lie it will come back to haunt u later been there done that
2006-10-06 14:23:19 · answer #9 · answered by drinda t 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You could explain that everyone has a different type of family. Not all mommy's and daddy's live together. Some kids live with grandma and grampa, some kids live with uncles and aunts, etc.
2006-10-06 13:47:28 · answer #10 · answered by Kristi's Mom 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋