Is it irresponsible to have a 2nd child now...?

Question

My husband and I are 21 and 22, we have a 19 month old daughter whom we adore and enjoy very much. We know we want more children, and dont want big gaps in their ages. We want them to be close. But is it wrong to have a 2nd child before we are financially stable? We are torn. To wait til my husband has a more stable job, and my business is doing better so that things are easier financially? We never fight about money or anything, so thats not the issue, we just want to be able to support our kids. But we also worry that waiting may put too big a gap between our first and second child, and then babies #3 and 4, would probably be closer together. Would that isolate our oldest? Or would it be nice to have her be about 4yrs old before having our next child, so she can help out and be gone part of the day for preschool, allowing 1 on1 time with the new baby? My friend says that if we wait til we feel we have enough money, we will never have another child. So advice anyone?

By the way, I have plenty of time for children. I WILL NOT be paying someone else to raise them. I work from home, so I am always there for them. If my husband and I are the ones raising them, not the state or a daycare worker, then dont we have the right to have 4 children if we darn well want to?

Also, we live in a small peaceful town, so dont worry, I wont be overcrowding your precious cities.

Answer 1

I'd say wait...at least between the first and second one. Even if they are 2 or 3 years apart, that's still pretty close together. If you have any doubts about another one right now then I'd wait.

Answer 2

The right time to have a child is when you're ready. My daughter just turned 2, I'm starting to feel that there's too much of a gap there as well. We have waited because of money, and we keep pushing that date to have another child back. There are some positives to waiting, your daughter might be out of diapers when baby #2 arrives. Wouldn't that be nice? Also, having a gap allows for your first child to be more involved in the pregnancy and birth of the second child. Yes, it would be nice for the kids to be close together, but you need to think of the good of the entire family.

Money doesn't make you happy, but being secure does make things much easier. Your friend is right about waiting until you feel you have enough money. I say just make sure that you can comfortably afford your basic needs and bills if you have a second child. If you can't, then you probably should wait.

Answer 3

of course you have the right to have 4 kids if you want them!! i really don't think its irresponsible to have another baby at this time, its good you have your home business and you can be there for them so if you and your husband don't fight over money then it should be fine i think!! as long as you can afford the basics milk, diapers, clothes i say go for it hopefully your business will take off had my first child at age 19 and waited 3 years for my second son and now they are 5 and 2 and they get along great my oldest helps me out a lot with him!but maybe u should wait a year 2 see how the business take off and thats no a big gap between them. good luck

Answer 4

I have an 8 year old (next month she is 8) and when her brother was born she was 5 years old, I too did not want any huge gaps in their ages, I was planning to have it when she was 21/2 years old, I was pregnant then, but I miscarried and I was crushed. But when I got pregnant again (finally!) years later with my now 21/2 year old son, she was happy (until they said it was a boy! she wanted a sister!), I knew that I wanted another one before my son was 3 years old, but I managed to get pregnant and I had my new daughter 3 days before my son's 2nd b-day! They are close, but my oldest is close with them, not in age, but as a friend, teacher, and of course sister. She was able to help me out A LOT and was a little jealous when her brother came, but not at all when her much waited for sister came. She is happy to be a big sister, she has friends to play with all the time, someone to read too when mommy is busy, and over all, just a couple of buddies. They are always playing together, and she teaches them all the things that she knows. it really is cute! Now my son is learning to be a good big brother, even though at first he was a little rough (that's a boy for ya) but I know that he loves both of his sisters and is always trying to do EVERYTHING that big sister does. It really does not effect them much if you were to wait, because they have a bond that is given to them somehow, they are born knowing how to be brothers and sisters (even if they DO fight later on, that is a normal thing!). Being financially stable is a good idea, I know that I was not ready when any of my kids were born financially, but it does not effect me nonetheless. I really am happy with my decision and my 3 kids, whether I have any money for me or not! They are 1st and the bills. After that I will take it for me. We are not poor, but we are not rich either, we are struggling sometimes, but other times we are ok. We just had to learn sacrifice, if we have a $20 and the tank is empty and the kids need diapers, we use it for that first. We always do! I hope that this helps and thanks for letting me share. Good luck in whatever you decide!

Answer 5

If you wait until you are financially stable it may never happen! Only because you will probably feel that you are not. As long as you can afford the basics of having another child, I don't think it matters. I mean being able to afford diaper's, formula, wipes, cloths and of course all the doctor visits they go to in the first year. I waited three years after my first child. That worked for me because I was able to have that time with my first. That's how it kind of would be with you since your child is 19 months. As long as you can afford all of the above, I am sure that you have plenty of love to give to another child and that is what they need the most. Good luck on your decision.

Answer 6

Feel things to think about..

1. If you wait longer, as a female yourself, you body will have more difficulties to bear child once you get older. Do it young while you can. - this is for your own good

2. It is better for kid to have siblings sooner - You will have better management in terms of their schoolings like pick up and drop off. You never know if you have a big gap, you will go crazy arranging time to do both kids. - this is for your own good.

3. Closed ages for siblings make them learn quicker and easier.
Yes, there may be fights in household, but that is part of the fun. You want to enjoy while you can!

4. Clothings - You will save money on clothings a couple of years gap you can pass along clothes quick. If you wait longer, those clothes will be misplaced and you will end up buying more.. Look long term!

Answer 7

It is irresoinsible to have more children if you know you can not support them. However if you wish to have more money before expaining your family than you freind is right. Also a 4 year age gap is not a big one so if you wanted to wait a year or so more to see how things are that would be what I suggest. My opinion is more than 4 year is where the gap starts.

Answer 8

According to my view, Gap between children do hav some good effect. the elder one takes care of the younger, when u go out for job. Now that u hav a 19 month kid, if conceive now also , the gap is fair enough.
2. U should giv a serious thought about not having more than two kids. i) Your health.. pl. do not think it is a factory to produce toys. ii) Today children demand better style of living, quality education , other comforts. iii) more children r definitely not a joy in today's world, when we can not provide decent education . That 's real asset u can give if not, land , flat, or jewellery. iv) We should not be humiliated by our own kids for not providing the best in life.
3. Earlier, u finish the family size, look after them till 3 years personally. Then u too can go for job, or do some self employment to support the family. So that u can settle well. enjoy life by goin to various places on holidays, What r u goin to achieve by having 3rd 4th kid??????????.

Answer 9

My first 3 children are 7, 6 and 5. I think it is working out wonderfully. They all can go to the same schools and have the same friends. And they are never bored! If you wait until the "perfect" time to have children, that time will never come. But, as always, do what is best for YOUR family. Good luck.

Answer 10

Your friend is right. If you wait until you can afford them then you'll never have them. I think about 3.5 years between children is a good amount of time. Money isn't to be argued over and children are to be loved. It's sounds as if you love children and will take care of them, so have fun and go for it. Let your conscious be your guide and God will guide you. I also think 2 children make a good number and a good family.

Answer 11

Your friend is right. You do what is right for you. If you want another child now, and you can feed, clothe, shelter and love it, then go for it. Don't worry about the age gap. You may think your kids will be 2 yrs apart and it may take 4 years to get pregnant. Don't analyze it so much. Good luck.