My boyfriends 17 year old son disobeyed his mama last weekend. He stayed out with his girlfriend 3 hours past the time he was supposed to. He hasn't been a child that rebels or gets into trouble. He's personality is changing quickly and he's becoming very selfish. Anyway, we've planned to go camping this weekend. Josh (his son) lives 40 miles south of us and his girlfriend lives 35 miles east of him. (She is supposed to go with us) And we camp 45 miles north of where we live. He was going to drive to pick her up and then follow us to the camp site. Because he got in trouble he is not allowed to drive. His mom and I don't think Josh should be allowed to take his girlfriend with us this weekend as punishment. His dad thinks otherwise and we would have to do all that driving for his son that should be punished. I think his dad is worried about Josh ruining the weekend by being miserable. I say if he can't be happy then he doesn't have to do activities with us. What's your opinion? Thanx
2006-10-06 05:07:04 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thats a tough one, I think he shouldn;t be allowed to bring the girlfriend with. If he gets to, then he is just going to get the message that he can do anything he want without getting any consequences.
2006-10-06 05:12:44 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that the right thing to do is leave the girlfriend at home, why was she going anyways? Was this a family trip? I do not think that I would allow my children's boy/girlfriends on a family outing, but that is just me! I think that in order for him to get the message, he needs to be punished and where it hurts too, but maybe the dad is worried that his son will hate him or that his son will plan to run away with the girlfriend if things do not go as planned. I think that you should do what your heart says, but I would not have invited her from the get go! I also think like it was said before that you should look into drug use, if his attitude is getting worse by the second, than it is a HUGE possibility, trust me I have a sister that is a huge drug user and I seen the signs. One second she is cool and laughing, the next second she is snappy and mad. There are A LOT of things it could be though, not just drugs so I am not jumping to any rash conclusions, I am merely suggesting. Since he is 17, a lot of kids at that age are experimenting everyday with all types of things, don't wait until it is too late to do anything, if you wait longer, and it is drugs, he could OD and/or get really sick! I hope that this helps you in some way! Thanks for reading and good luck!
2006-10-06 12:26:49 · answer #2 · answered by fatiima 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some times punishing a child is harder on us then it is on them and they know this. I think you and your boyfriend should go and pick Josh up since not driving is part of the punishment. I also would not let the girlfriend come along since that is part of the punishment.
If your boyfriend backs down because of his own comfort and convenience, and your too, then Josh is going to know that he can pull this same stunt again without any follow through on what ever the punishment may be.
He may try to make your weekend miserable but it is just something you are going to have to deal with. I would stick to my guns and if he is miserable all weekend I would simply ignore him.
Good Luck.
2006-10-06 12:20:41 · answer #3 · answered by nana4dakids 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a difficult situation! Especially if this is supposed to be an enjoyable camping trip with your boyfriend. Is it a possibility for the girlriend to drive to Josh, pick him up and meet at your house? He was responsible for being back 3 hours after curfew, and perhaps this is a way around his mom's punishment without stepping on any toes. Could the girlfriend's parents drop her off at Josh's house and that way you could just pick them up there? If this is the mom's punishment, then she technically SHOULD drive him to your home, punishing you and your boyfriend shouldn't be part of the deal. I don't think your bf should overstep the mom's discipline, however, if she is not willing to put forth any effort on her end, then she is establishing dominance over your bf as well. If she is being unreasonable and all else fails, perhaps your bf should allow Josh to pick up the girlfriend and drive.
2006-10-06 12:32:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should still go camping but without the girl.
That should be the punishment since he cannot drive to get her. If he would be miserable without her for the weekend it would teach him a lesson to obey the rules next time.
Think about it... the mother took away driving privelges since she knew it would limit his time with the girl. The father would only be going against the mother's goal. The father should not go pick up the girl. I'm sure there will be more camping trips but who knows if it will be the same girl!!!
2006-10-06 12:19:35 · answer #5 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Punishment is punishment... Gotta stick to the rules or he's going to do it again. At the same time, this is a first offense, and sometimes kids have to be given a second chance as long as they know the next time the line is crossed, punishment will be followed through on no matter what the circumstances and may even be worse.
2006-10-06 12:17:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see your point in being worried that he will ruin the camping trip. I agree that he should not be allowed to bring his girlfriend, UNLESS she can get a ride to your house. After all, why should you have to go out of your way to facilitate this boy who is ignoring the rules?
Another suggestion is leaving him home with his mother and not letting him come on the trip if he is going to act like a spoiled brat. At 17yrs old, he should be able to take responsibility for his actions and suck up the punishment he EARNED with his behavior. Don't give him the chance to try and put the blame elsewhere!
Treating this boy with kid gloves and allowing him to manipulate this situation is setting fertile ground for continued misbehavior.
Good luck!
2006-10-06 12:15:05 · answer #7 · answered by Dragonfly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HE's 17 and he thinks he's an adult and wants to do what he wants to do. His mother and you are on the right track. I wouldn't let him go camping at all as part of his punishment. If there are drastic changes in his personality take a closer look. It may be drug related. I know everyone is quick to say no not my child but before you form an assumption just observe and see how drastic his personality is changing. Ecspecially if he is not known for rebelling.
2006-10-06 12:11:47 · answer #8 · answered by NICOLE J 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that if he can figure out a way for her to get to the campground without making you drive her, she can go. Otherwise, he must go and enjoy it regardless of whether or not she is present for the activities. I think that this is the best of both worlds, because she shouldn't be going since she's an accomplise to his crimes, and part of his punishment would be punishing you as well. He shouldn't be allowed to see her at all. But since you want him to be happy while he is with you, then you should give him that ultimatum.
2006-10-06 12:24:40 · answer #9 · answered by Another Nickname 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If hes not the type to disobey often than give the poor kid another chance. He is at the age were he like to be with girls. Theres nothing wrong with that. Let the girl go with all of you and let the kid drive. If he mess's up again then I would punish him in a diffrent way. Dont ruien the kids weekend its his vacation too.
2006-10-06 12:17:44 · answer #10 · answered by BOOTS! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i personally would not allow the girlfriend to go along. if hes miserable the whole weekend, let him be miserable. take an extra tent for him and if he wants to mope all weekend then he at least wont ruin your weekend. afterall, hes the one that wont have fun but thats what happens when you are being punished. or he can get over it and join in the family fun. his dad really needs to take control of the situation. just my opinion though :o)
2006-10-06 12:17:17 · answer #11 · answered by §eeker 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋