Family experts put out one book that says, "No matter what you do you are not going to change your partner." and then another book that says, "In order to change your kids you need to do this." So at what age is a person no longer abled to be changed?
OR
Why are we allowed to try to change our kids but not our partners?
2006-10-06 04:53:47 · 15 answers · asked by butnozzle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
death
We are always changing.
We can try to change others (our kids, our partners, etc) but ultimately you cannot change someone into something they are not.
2006-10-06 04:57:11 · answer #1 · answered by Rainy Days and Mondays 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not an expert but what I believe is that:
1) We are born with a certain personality type. No personality type is wrong there are just different types of personalities that think different than others.
2) The only way to change a personality type is through a dramatic life changing experience, which may on occur once or twice if at all in a persons life. An example would be the lost of a love one very close, The birth of a child. A career or location change. The personal revelation of faith, etc...
3) Children, though they have their personally types already instilled in them, are at earlier stages of developing personality traits. Developing these traits is through experience, guidance, or observation.
4) Adults are the same, they just have more experience, guidance and observation than children. Neither the child or the adult has reached their full potential therefore it is just putting yourself or others in situations where they can positively develop their personality traits.
2006-10-06 12:08:30 · answer #2 · answered by Jerry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, I think the anwer may lie in the relationship, more than the age.
It's true, I would say that past a certain point there are some characteristics of a person that are unlikely to change. But people can ALWAYS change if they want to. I think what's at stake here is the fact that you are EXPECTED to change your children. As a parent that's your job...it's your role in their lives.
Your partner however, is just that...your partner. You aren't supposed to parent him/her, mold them into an adult. They are already supposed to BE an adult.
We do change one another. If you have a loving partnership, you both want to make the other happy, and that may mean changing old habits or developing new ones. People accommodate one another all the time. But if your expectation is to turn an adult into the person you WANT them to be, instead of the person they are, you missed your chance...he already HAS a mommy and that was her job, not yours.
2006-10-06 12:01:08 · answer #3 · answered by CuteWriter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids are still learning by example. You are teaching your children daily by example. Your partner's upbringing has already set his core structure. The point is not to become partners with someone you want to change.
2006-10-06 12:02:07 · answer #4 · answered by jujub 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many factors cause change and it depends on what needs to change. There are many things a person can CHOOSE to change about themselves at any age. No one can change another person. They may only influence and encourage change.
You can teach old dogs new tricks, it just seems to get harder with age.
2006-10-06 12:01:28 · answer #5 · answered by OOO! I know! I know! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone at any age can change, but its up to the person that wants to change. You can't change your kids, just guid them in life because if you try to change your kids and control them they are going to hate you.
2006-10-06 11:57:07 · answer #6 · answered by Devilish Cutie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no such age. Changing a childs behavior can be doable MOST times BUT changing an adults behavior is something that can ONLY happen within. You take folk as they are because if you plan on changing them...YOUR DELUSIONAL.
2006-10-06 12:10:45 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people have to be willing to change for them self. you can't change your partner if they are not willing to. if you really love them then you need to except their faults along with everything good. as far as the children they act how everyone around them acts. so if your family respects others then your children will too. i show my 4 children respect and there for they show me and others respect to.
2006-10-06 12:00:23 · answer #8 · answered by little momma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to make your own changes personally in your own life.
2006-10-06 12:53:27 · answer #9 · answered by Sarah P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are born with certain characteristics and whoever wrote that book is scamming others to think differently.
2006-10-06 12:03:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋