Why can't my husband treat all the boys the same?

Question

When I got married I have two boys from a previous relationship. He was well aware of this, then we had a son together. I just can't understand how he can treat them differently. I mean I know his is his, but my other boys never disrespect him or do anything to him for him not to treat them the way he does. I guess because I'm their mom and I treat them all the same and love them all the same I guess I thought he would too.

An example is : Let's say I'll ask him to help the boys with their homework, well he'll just our son, but won't even ask the other if he needs help. My oldest son is already a teenager so, he's excluded, but it hurts my by his actions, and I know if it hurts me then it probably hurts my son.

Need advise.

Answer 1

It sounds like you took some major things for granted. You should have discussed this with your husband BEFORE you married him. I mean, stepkids are a BIG issue - especially if you plan on having children with your new spouse.

Apart from that, the first poster had good advice. Point it out to your husband, but realize that this might not be enough.

Answer 2

nicely is widely used in tyhis form of marriages... usually people are greater egocentric.. and this one way of being displayed. in spite of the undeniable fact that that doesn't recommend taht this is the tip of the line. i think of the main impt ingredient isn't how your husband deal with your son. you comprehend that this isn't any longer hassle-free to regulate and dictate what different could or shouldn't do. perhaps the superb approach is to forget approximately him, and supply greater protection on your sons. basically forget approximately him and perhaps your son additionally should forget approximately how your husband behave and verify out to have a attitude that some all of us is born like that.. So we basically could excused him for his little misdeed. So coomunicate with your sons greater that what ever takes place, as long as he's doing the main remarkable ingredient, you're continually on his ingredient a hundred% without question. asserting it is straight forward, yet to prepare that is a sprint complicated. although you may desire to make a stand on what's suitable and what's incorrect. do no longer ingredient your husband even nonetheless you comprehend it is the incorrect ingredient to do. while that takes place, your son will experience very insecure and losses have confidence in you. take care..

Answer 3

I know that must hurt you really bad. My heart goes out to you. This is something that you can't solve with a single answer so i will give you a little something to get started.

Have you made him aware of his actions? perhaps he doesn't realize exactly what he is doing. This could turn into a really bad problem not only between your husband and the boys but between the boys themselves.

sadly, you are the one who has to try to correct it. you can not take responsiblity for his actions , only he is responsible for the way things turn out. All you can do is try to fix it.

Maybe at homework time, instead of asking him to help "the boys" with their work , maybe do a schedule where every other night you switch who you help with homework that way he has to help all the kids.
do things that will cause him to have to take turns with the boys
like playing board games that require team players and draw straws to choose teams.
Have them all build or make something together, all of them.
This is something that you husband really needs to be aware that he is doing. Tell him you really need his help and understanding in this situation.
Work together and have patience. God Bless your family.

Answer 4

Perhaps you are being more sensitive to this situation due to you being the mother of all three. His blood son is the youngest and probably requires more help and attention. Though the teenager may also require a father for stabilization and yet you seem to think their is no problem there.

Ask the boys how they feel about it to see if it's just your motherly instinct being over cautious. Ask friends or family members if they notice what you do. Though, in nature, man will take care of his own blood, but even as a caring human, we sometimes slip. Ask your husband if he sees himself acting as you have stated. . .do it like you are wondering if perhaps it is just in your head and questioning your own perspective. . .Good luck

Answer 5

This is a primitive instinct for fathers to show favoritism to their own offspring. In the wild, often males will kill the females children with a former mate. And female chimpanzees will often mate with several males in secret, besides the alpha, to assure their childrens safety.

In society today, most of the abusive fathers are in families where the children are from their wives previous marriage. It doesn't sound like your husband is abusive, he just shows favoritism to his own son because he is biologically invested in him.

We do not live in the wild, and instincts here are no excuse. You need to talk to him and tell him that you're disturbed by how your sons are treated. If he loves you, he'll make an effort, but he has to know what exactly you need from him.

Answer 6

I hate to say it, but this is just typically how it goes. There is just a stronger bond with blood. My husband and I both had two children from our previous relationships before we married. Now we have one together. And there is no question, my husband is partial to our child. But on the same hand, as much as I adore his kids (they are actually young adults, so I am more of a "friend" than mother to them), I would always put my own kids first. I have also heard Dr. Phil say that a step-parent should never discipline their step-children. No matter how good the intentions, the other parent and the kids are going to resent it. It's just a fact of life. You need to embrace it. Don't be too hard on your husband, he can't help it. As long as he is good to them and doesn't abuse them or anything like that, don't expect the bond to be as strong. I, personally, try to step in and make up for the lack of attention that my husband gives my older kids. As a result, my little one is more partial to her Daddy, but that's ok, as long as everyone's needs are taken care of.

Your husband has to be a decent person for taking on an instant family. Alot of men wouldn't be put in that situation. I'm assuming that he doesn't have any other children, so you probably don't know what it's like to be a step-parent. Before I became a step-parent, I thought whoever I married should jump in and love my children just as I do. But now I'm speaking from experience.

Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 7

Talk to your husband about what you are noticing. It may be that he just doesn't realize what he's doing. If he is purposely ignoring your other sons, try to find out why. Maybe there are some bad feelings between them that you don't know about. There could be a plethora of reasons why but one thing you don't want to do is let favoritism go unchecked and lead to strife or sibling rivalry. Counseling may even be in order.

Answer 8

Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel. He probably doesn't even realize he is doing it. If you bring it to his attention then he may try harder to give the other boy more attention.