ok im just adopted my 16 year old niece and she has a little behavior problem she just started this new school on tuesday and her teacher called me and told me that she is giving them problems alread.. WHATwould be a good disaplin... i was thinking about going up to her school and embrass her *** in front of everone. DO you think that is a good idea? for one of the disaplin becuase i know this is just the begining.
2006-10-06 03:49:40 · 15 answers · asked by girl19 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
she is 16 yr old and in 11th grade
2006-10-06 03:52:24 · update #1
No you will just piss her off if you embarrass her .
Take the matter home and discuss the problem in private
2006-10-06 03:54:40 · answer #1 · answered by mmmmmmm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing to do with teenagers is NOT to put you both on opposing sides, but to work with her. Have a talk and make her feel like she is making some decisions and that you are treating her like an adult. Have a talk with her (she knows full well when she is being bad, so you don't need to go over that) and tell her that if she is responsible and can show that she is going to behave you will give her something you both agree on. If she screws up, she will have her phone, or whatever taken away, or she must get a job, whatever. Make her part of the decision, if you try to punish her you will just push her away more.
2006-10-06 10:56:46 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet Belly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should sit her down and find out what is bothering what ever you do dint embarrass her that ain't good you could go up to the school and talk to her with her teacher but each time she miss behave you need to ground her for a nite or to our when she asks for a favour ie go out tell her not until she shows you that she can behave like an adult and not a ten year old but you must talk to her take her for a drive in the car just you and her where you can talk but what ever you do don't shout at her you wont get any where you will just end up arguing and you wont sort it out so try and treat her as a grown up not a child you have to give her time so dont be to harsh on her its no fun for her either starting a new school you have not said why she has come to be with you
2006-10-06 12:03:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would first evaulate the strength of relationship I had with my neice before deliberatly embarrasing her in front of her new school mates. I would find a quiet time where there are no interruptions and ask her some questions about what is going on at school, why is she acting out the way she is? If her behaviour is a continued problem then I would seek professional help. If you embarrass her in front of the new school you will destroy any chance of gaining her trust in the future. You need her trust, and it has to be earned. Kids are very complicated at this age and usually there are things going on that they tell no one about.
As far as discipline, I would talk with her first and try to find the root of the problem, then I would establish some strong immovable boundries that you can live with. Grounding from a paticular favorite, such as the tv the cd player the computer and the phone are all good too. The main thing though is to take the time to find out why she is acting out, it could be that talking with you about what is wrong might take care of the pressure she is feeling.
I know from personal experience, as I have five children four of them girls and alll of them teenagers! I have had severe behavior problems with my oldest and even had to put her out of the house! Even though I did that, I still maintain her respect and she still trusts me. She knows she went way over some very important lines. She still comes to me with her problems.
I have used embarrassment as a remedy or discipline as well and it did not do well. I had to go back and apologize because it was causing my kids to not trust me with their important stuff.
Kids need to know you have Their back that you will stand up for them if need be. This girl needs to know that you are not out to get her from the outset. You can always tighten things down later as she begins to realize she can trust your judgement. Even if she doesn't agree with what you do she will respect you if you take the time to find out what is going on with her. It takes patience, lots of patience. Oh and one other thing. This kid is not going to turn all warm and mushy overnight because you sat down and talked with her. She may act out more at first because she is testing to see if you really mean it that you really care. She will at first most likely put you off, and even act angry that you are taking an interest, but don't let that stop you and don't let it frustrate you. If you are consistent she will begin to see that you are someone she can trust.
2006-10-06 11:31:08 · answer #4 · answered by Becka 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO...NEVER embarass her. Kids have enough trouble trying to fit in. You'll REALLY have problems if you become an 'enemy'. Kids think faster and learn faster these days. Please don't be one of those parents that ground for 2 weeks. By day 3 or 4, they have adapted to the restrictions. Don't restrict dances or school functions. They only happen once in a life time and they build great social skills for later.
I would limit or chapparone a date, cut allowance, add extra chores, restrict internet for a day, or restrict phone calls. Make sure she knows EXACTLY why she's being punnished. Most parents forget that kids don't know exact things and why things are wrong. This teaches cause-and-effect for later in life.
2006-10-06 11:12:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't go embarrass her. It will just make it worse. It all is different for her to, starting a new school all different surroundings. Give her some time your the adult help her feel OK.Way is she there where's her mother? Help her deal with her mother not being there. You know how it feels to be a 16 yr old.
2006-10-06 11:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by Witchy Woman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, do not embarass her. You need to ground her, take away the privilege she enjoys the most whether it's watching tv, talking on the phone etc. You also need to have a chat with and find out what the problem is and work from there on. Good Luck.
2006-10-06 11:07:08 · answer #7 · answered by daisy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats not a good idea embrassing her it will make matters worse, Show her that you care alot about her and you are just trying to help her, and if she want to be treated like a adult, she got to act like a adult. Don't try to hard with her or you will be pulling your hair out and going mad with her. And all you will get is constant fighting and shouting at each other, Try doing things together.
P.s It help me with my 3 kids.
2006-10-06 11:05:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
dont embarass her . Does she have a cell phone ? Acar or anything that you could deny her of having access to? If so then take priviledges away . You know such as talking on the phone,computer time such as that. she will have to learn to do these things this is a priviledge not a right. More than likely she will learn from that better than embarassing her.
2006-10-06 10:54:24 · answer #9 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? It sounds to me like you are the 16yr old asking this question.
Before talking about implementing discipline, you should be talking with her and seeking the guidance of a professional counselor. This adjustment is probably been pretty hard on her, and it sounds as if she is acting out to test you and see if she is going to get kicked to the curb.
2006-10-06 12:08:49 · answer #10 · answered by Dragonfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough Love. There were organizations. Serf the web. Basically, you have her sign a contract with short rules and not a lot of them. If she does not comply....out...Talk to guidance counselor. Tour JV hall so she knows the consequences...You have my prayers.
2006-10-06 10:56:22 · answer #11 · answered by Patches6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋