What Do Men Really Want?

Question

I've had a friend for the past 10 months who's great.We were best friends and somehow,my feelings for him changed.I'm in love with him & he knows it.We do everything together.We live the lives of a relationship(intimacy too),but he's not ready b/c of a bad past relationship.He asked me to wait for him,& I have.But,now our time together has been shortened.He doesn't call as much & doesn't invite me over half as much.We got into an altercation a couple of weeks ago and went 2 weeks without talking.But,he called back and everything was good for the next two days.Now,he's back to not calling and answering my calls.He's not my boyfriend,so he has no reason to jump to my calls,but he's been doing it for so long until it hurts when he doesn't.What are some steps to get back to the friendship we once had,before intimacy and feelings got involved?I have a feeling that now,I'm not the only girl and the time is shortened b/c all of us have to share him.Any advice?Will he ever come back around?

Answer 1

It's a topic that has been hotly debated for the past 30 years. As more and more women erased "Homemaker" from their job description, the gender roles have blurred and morphed, making it hard for either gender to know how to act. In such a fast changing society many of the rules we were taught as children seem to be all wrong. Do most men expect a woman to set aside her career aspirations for family? Is it selfish for your husband to expect time away from you to maintain male relationships? Do men want a strong woman or someone they can take care of? It can be very confusing.


eHarmony is a useful tool for answering many of these questions. The long and detailed questionnaire that all eHarmony members complete gives us great insight into the values, and expectations of men who are here searching for the love of their life.


So what are eHarmony men looking for in a woman?


A Kind Woman


The world can be a tough place for us all. One of the attractions of a committed, lasting relationship is the knowledge that your spouse will always give you the kindness the world often withholds. Men especially need to know that there is a refuge waiting for them, a place where they can unburden themselves and relax with an accepting and kind partner.


Men become very astute at assessing whether they can please a woman. Her reactions during the first few dates signal to him whether this is a woman he can make happy or not. The kindness she uses to show her enthusiasm and gratitude for the things he does is a large indicator of whether he will feel attracted to her.


A Woman with a Sense of Humor


Is there anything more annoying than spending time with someone who doesn't understand your humor? To men, the answer is no. eHarmony men place a great value on a woman who can laugh with them. A shared sense of humor is an indicator of compatible world-views and intelligence. In good times, laughter is an aphrodisiac, and in bad times it can be a lifeline until things are better.


It's never smart to pretend to find someone funny, but approaching each communication or date with a playful sense will put you in a position to laugh when you're ready.


An Emotionally Healthy Woman


What does emotional health mean and isn't everybody a little unhealthy? Yes and No. eHarmony men aren't looking for women who have completely solved all their internal issues, but they have voiced an unequivocal desire to be matched with women who are neuroses free. In fact, eHarmony goes so far as to screen these people out of the service.


The most attractive women are women who are happy with their lives. It seems counterintuitive but the best way to attract a mate is to seem perfectly contented without one.


An Attractive Woman


This doesn't mean that your extra 15 pounds make you undesirable. This doesn't mean that eHarmony men expect Cameron Diaz or Ashley Judd. This just means that men, like women, can't completely set aside physical appearance when choosing a Soul Mate. They need to feel that tug of physical attraction...and you can help them.

Most women seem to naturally take the time and effort to dress nicely, pick an attractive spot and send in pictures that are clear and flattering. Make sure that you look healthy and happy in your photo. With the advent of digital and disposable cameras it is too easy to take a few minutes and create a great picture. eHarmony men rarely make appearance their top priority, but having a friendly, attractive photo only helps.

In the end, each match is a completely different person, with different needs and preferences. The above guide is just a basic checklist of foundation points that will create a nice starting line to begin learning about the men with whom you've been matched. The one universal tip for relationship success is LISTENING TO WHAT YOUR MATCH HAS TO SAY. Then you can decide if you feel that bond that is the beginning of a rich and successful life together.

Answer 2

The true instincts of a man lies in the challenge of being in control of what they do,very seldom show emotions of vulnerability and will willingly have sex without remorse ,women on the other hand are easily and emotionally involved very quickly ,especially if you find that someone to listen to you,loneliness and the search for a good mate does not really qualify a good listener to get your goodies,we as women still do not give men of today a good challenge and the talents of ages that keep men what they are and have women feeling value for themselves is in a steep decline,whenever you take away the challenge of the race for the prize, the challenge to his heart ,you have weakened the value of the prize,unconsciously men are very curious and if they stop being that way about anything you have fizzled whatever chances and growing expectations you want ,just work harder on the next one.If you feel that he is worth all of it you need to restructure your approach towards him,only you know the way,good luck,I hope that I was helpful.

Answer 3

Well my dearest, first of all my heart really and truly goes out to you.

Next, I would say, don't wait anymore. I am not saying to forget him, thats easier said than done! I do say this is when you start figuring out you! :) Do what makes you happy, do what you love. Worry about just you right now. I do not mean be selfish, but do things that help you see what you truly want. Make girl time, change your hair (just because you feel like it), go shopping (don't charge everything though!), do fun things with your family, work hard (but leave work at work) if you are in school, dedicate time to increase your knowledge, study and do homework. (I hope this doesn't offend you) but if you are spiritual, increase your relationship with God. Be happy, and don't let your mind revolve around this friend.... I know it'll be hard, but it will only make you stronger....

Also, don't chase him. You've already shown him you want his affection. If he wants you, let him come to you, because you deserve to be chased! :) If he doesn't come, guess what, you are too busy with yourself and you family to worry about him. (maybe some other guy has already swept you off your feet too ;)) but if he does come back to you, then you'll have him....
You just have to give it time

This is a line from a movie... "tell yourself your single and end the conversation" please don't take that the wrong way let me explain it!! (first the quote is from While you were sleeping) Next, many women tell themselves its bad to be single... many also go through what you are "i love/want to be with this man, but he doesn't seem to return the love/want" or I am tired of being single.. etc. Well, I'd like to change that up, they should think "I'm single, I'm fun, and I know God has the perfect man out there for me, but I'm not done figuring out who I am yet, so I might not be ready for that great guy, I'm not done having fun on my own!!" so (I mean this as a good thing) Tell youself your single, and forget about it!!! Single isn't bad... telling yourself single is bad, is bad!!!!

Go find that awesome inner woman!

Answer 4

Before you did that thing you should have found out how he was feeling.I mean,everything changed after that.Before he was safe he did`nt have feelings that made him feel tied down before,so because he doesn`t know how to act how he`s backing off.Just start being his friend again and see what happens.You can call him but don`t press him,let him know you`re still there as a friend if nothing else.Time changes everything.I hope everything works for the better.Good luck!

Answer 5

it sounds like your more then just friends and want to much and hate change and the fact that he doesn't have as much time to call you as he used to have to talk to you and you had some problems that may have hurt your friendship not talking about it can make it worse if everything is really ok go talk to him begging strangers for advice is a week attempt to fix something most the time ask a friend of yours or his for advice to try to fix your friendship maybe he doesn't want to tell you he moved on or a million other things could be bugging him that you won't get an answer for by sitting at your PC pondering it in your mind sometimes you have to accept change and not get caught up in your little world

Answer 6

You have to face the realization that it may have been for the sex only. I think the best way to find out is to remain optimistic about your relationship and its potential, enjoy the time you get to spend together, stay as patient as you can stand to be, but take it for what it is. Don't involve any expectations. And cut him off from the fun stuff. If you do and he comes for you, then he really likes you. If not, you're better off without his game.

It is my experience that we usually find what we're looking for. If you want something serious and your instincts tell you he has that potential and you're willing to approach your time with him from that perspective, things could turn out well. Don't let your fear of rejection stifle the opportunity for happiness.

Answer 7

Hey.... I was in something like that, what you have to do is find someone else and start hanging out with them.
good things are gonna happen 1. You'll be having a good time and be to distracted to be worried about if he'll call or not 2. It'll make him jealous and he'll either get back to you or go on

You'll get you answer.

Answer 8

men need space. don't smother him, give him time. also stay busy yourself, don't be so easy to get a hold of, play a little hard to get. men like a challenge and maybe if he sees you out with other guys, or at least thinks your having fun with someone else, he may come around, just don't expect him to jump every time you call. play it cool and see if it doesn't help "wake" him up good luck

Answer 9

Listen to "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" on CD (or get the book and read it). Dr. Gray describes this as it is a normal reaction for a man. It is called "going into his cave" or "cave time."

Answer 10

You were his friend then he realized he could use you for sex too cuz you are obviously into him. Come on he doesn't really want to be with you....you are the late night booty call or the girl he runs to when he cant afford to take anymore girls out. He knows you will always be there. Quit screwing him then you can be just friends.....that is if he doesn't quit talking to you altogether.
good luck