Women only please, tell me from your experience?

Question

I have been with my bf for 2.5 years, our relationship is long distance.
We are constantly battling alot of issues, and lately I have been feeling that I am a pain to his 10 yr old son, and that I am in the middle of them, or his son is between me and him. We hardly have any time alone when we do see each other, his son demands his constant attention, and I feel like hey, I only get to see you on the weekend and yet we cant have time together. I am not trying to have him choose, but I am asking for him to be considerate of how I feel and what I need to keep going in this relationship, he calls me selfish and I should think of his son. Well if he thinks of his son, and I think of his son, and his son thinks of himself, then who thinks of me ? Am I selfish ? Is this the last straw ?

Of course I do love him, otherwise we would not be here today. He has been talking about marriage for a year and a half and yet has not proposed. He wants me to leave my career, and my house and move with him into an apt, so he can go back to school and change careers.

We are always doing things the little one likes, actually that is all we do, that is the problem.
We go to movies, watch kid movies, go to parks, play games.. but the minute I cuddle with his dad while watching TV, he comes over and says i want to cuddle too,... or if I call his dad to talk to him in my room, he calls to him daddy, daddy so he has to go answer. I am not heartless, but if he cannot see it and is all absorbed by his son, I have no clue whats left in this for me.

Answer 1

If you truly loved him, then you would love his son.

Answer 2

You have entered into a relationship with someone who has children so you must learn how to make it work for everyone. A ten year old is still a child and, yes, they will try to come between the two of you. Maybe he has ideas of mommy & daddy getting back together, maybe he only sees his dad on weekends too? Maybe he's jealous of the time his dad gives to you because he doesn't get any attention either? There are a lot of variables to consider.

Long distance relationships are hard to begin with and you need to have ground rules and trust and open communication if you ever plan on making it work. Maybe you can try making arrangements to have some alone "date" time with dad and than family time during the rest of the weekend. The son may warm up to you and start enjoying your company as well. If you can't get along seeing each other over the weekend you will never make it in a full time committed relationship should it go that route and you should consider that as well into the mix.

Best of luck to you as you work through this challenging time.

Answer 3

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. For the past 2 years, we have had full custody of his now 13 yr old son. You are facing an uphill battle, but, with alot of effort, you can smile in the end. If you truly love this man, you have to set yourself some guidelines. If you do not love this man, you need to get out now and save the 3 of you any future heartache.

1st of all....you cannot compete with the mans child. It is just not possible. You will lose every time. The best thing you can do is form a relationship with the child. Bond with the child. Do things you know the child will enjoy. Let the bf see that you are trying.

2nd......ask for some quality time with the bf. Even if it is just a 20 min walk around the neighborhood after dinner, take what you can get and truly enjoy it.

3rd.....learn to choose your battles. Don't argue or whine over every little thing. DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. If its a big deal, stand your ground, if its not, learn to give in.

Children are very smart. He knows if you feel threatened. He knows how to play one person against the other. You have to out smart him, but you have to do it with your heart. Learn to love the child, because, he is part of the package.

Good luck to you. You are facing a great challange that only love and understanding will get you through.

Answer 4

Honestly, i feel if your relationship is a constent fight its not worth the time. Sometimes after being with someone for 2.5 years you put up with all the fighting because your think your in love when really your just so used to having him around its hard to even think what life is like without him. If your not fighting like crazy mabey you can spend the afternoon doing things the three of you can do like go see a movie or just walk around the park and play catch. Then in the evning have adult time ;). Where the two of you can do what you want. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

Hmm this question is similar to the one of my old relationships but which his son loved me to death.
But from what you said in the question. It sounds like he is a fulltime dad. I would have to from that he might feel like your trying to take his mothers place in a way. Not knowing the whole deal with that side.But put all that to the side.. Have you thought about going out with you and his son like a movie or something. I know you have been in the relationship for 2 1/2 years. But also his son is selfish and no your not. I would be the same way. It really sounds to me like the son is spoiled a little to much.

Answer 6

this is not a tough situation really but there needs to be a level of respect and common courtesy

i know u r seeking attention from this man and his son is in the way
which puts him in a tough situation to choose either one of u

but let me ask u how do u approach him on this issue
do u whine or complain? that never works

do u sit down and ask him what s going on? that doesnt work

this is what u need to do, u need to meet them half way
try to interact more with the son build a bond with him
the dad will notice that and will be impress of the fact that u r taking the time to interact with the son and also it will get the son of his back ( because to be honest i bet he is stress because of all this and preventing him from being a loving person) try to plan activities with the son and then activities that will involve the 3 of u
ur bf will notice and things will come around

if u need more advice just email
me
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Answer 7

you deserve attention. and yes his son does to, but he needs to take into consideration that you rarely get to see him and you would like some alone time with him. maybe plan a day for the 2 of you and his son can go to a friends house. just try explainging how you feel. if he ignore you or calls you selfish, you dont deserve that. and its not healthy. after 2.5 years you would think that he would FIND Time to spend with you alone. Good Luck!

Answer 8

There needs to be adult time and then family time set aside! When the sons wants his fathers attention all the time you have to set the rules and stick to them. If your B/F doesn't like this then he is not into the relationship like you want him to be! This would make me think twice about dating a man with a child!! Your not being selfish. In order to make a relationship work it needs both partners to work it out together!! You need time alone with him and his son will have to deal with it! If your B/F doesn't agree then I would say curbside him!! Good Luck!

Answer 9

You need to communicate with your BF of how you feel, tell him you are not trying to come between him and his son, however, you NEED some alone time with him.

And it may help if you and the son go out on a "date" together, just you and him so that he can tell you how he actually feels, but you also need one on one time with the son.....

Answer 10

I find it interesting that in all of the details you gave, you never said that you love this man. You have wasted 2.5 years of your life on a relationship which is not going anywhere and which will not result in lasting happiness for either of you or the boy. Don't waste anymore of your time.

Answer 11

it's hard to say, but in most cases family comes first. I know you want to spend alone time with your boyfriend, but if you want to spend time w/him and your b/f wants or needs to spend time w/his son ... your best bet is to find something that you can spend time with the both of them. All of you can go to a museum together or an aquarium ... find somewhere that the 10-yr can have fun, and you and your b/f can spend the same time together.