I Want to Marry My Girlfriend, but i will have a hard decision to make?

Question

she is a gorgeous woman of varied ethnicity (part taiwanese, part Dominican Republic and part Irish!!!) and she is from a strong catholic background... i however am an atheist with several differant beliefs made from many sources.

She would love a catholic wedding as would her family and obviously i would have be baptised if i am to become catholic etc

i would do it for her but it would feel wrong, and im not sure if they would allow it if i dont believe in god?

Should i give her a dream wedding at the cost of my beliefs?
or
stick to my beliefs and make her have an ordinary wedding? (oh dear)

or try to pretend that im catholic until after the ceremony??


AAARRRGGHHH!!

she does want a catholic wedding, and so do her parents etc,
she wont make me change my religion but it would make her happy

religion is not a major thing in our lives - it only really comes up around her parents every now and then - and wedding talk.

also i used to be church of england when i was little, but with regards to kids being baptised etc i hope my kids can decide for themselves once they are old enough to understand, my sister was baptised but i wasn't and we both are atheist now

Answer 1

Love conquers all , if you really love the girl do what makes her feel happy on this special day in her life, she will love you even more for making her feel that way. You can always have a catholic wedding but you do not have to be a practising catholic when it,s over. I have friends who are western and had Muslim weddings so they can marry the girl they have fallen in love with. Get the message brother.?

Answer 2

This is a hard one. If this is coming as an issue now, it is only going to get worse throughout the marriage. It will be hard for her to accept that - by her beliefs- you will be going to Hell, and therefore, she will continue to try and convert you. If you are truly adamant about not converting spiritually, perhaps this isn't a commitment you should make.

You should try counseling and maybe an open-minded session or two with her priest. This is a real issue though. You shouldn't rush into anything until you have it resolved. As for faking a conversion, do you think it wise to begin a marriage on a lie? Every step of this decision should have her involved so there is no resentment later. Good luck, I hope you can make it work.

Answer 3

Will she pretend to give up her faith for you and consider a civil ceremony?

After all you are considering pretending to give up your beliefs for her. Thats a lot to expect of anyone! Especially yourself!

A wedding is only the start! What about your children's baptisms, first holy communions and confirmations? Do you object? Can you pretend to be a christian and lie to your children? Being Catholic is not just for Sundays its a way of life.

Can you put up with her religious family? If you marry her you will have to because Catholics marry for life.

Its such a serious matter. Only you can decide. Get all the facts and think it over. It may help you to contact the Catholic enquiry centre or buy Catholicism for dummies so you can see what you are letting yourself in for!. A kindly priest (one you feel comfortable confiding in) can give you good advice and won't bite I promise!

If you decide you can not go against your feelings then don't! It would be a mistake to marry for life someone you have grave misgivings about. Maybe she is not the right woman for you. Be strong!

I will pray for you.

Answer 4

I would hope that someone could point out to you something that would help you understand God, and possibly help you understand him. That person could be your girlfriend. If you are not willing to read and study the bible for awhile to try to get a better understanding of it (if you haven't already) (I mean no offense) are you really willing to understand your girlfriend better and why she belives? when you find a beautiful woman sometimes we overlook things that are meaningful for us in that moment of bliss, but months later when you start to disagree the fuels of who we are begin to flame and things that were meaningless in the begining no become obssesive and hard to overlook. Examples: Political party, Christmas, Easter......do you vote the same? What will you do when you have children, will you allow her to raise them knowing God, or will you seperate her and tell the children there is no God? This would only put stress on a marriage, and there is already enough stress in our lives without adding it from the begining. I have been there, I was never an atheist, but I was not sure what to believe, now I do. I hope this helps. Good luck, and before you decide to get married just because she is beautiful consider these things, for both of your happiness. Try God, if you don't like him the devil will always take you back. : )

Answer 5

Becoming "something" in your case catholic, is not a matter that you should do for anybody. If you don't believe, then you can't believe because your girlfriend wants you to, so don't even try that. Wedding is just a one day , it's not unimportant, but it's definitely less important then people think. The rest of your life is much more important if you ask me. And imagine, if one day you seriously regret your decision to become catholic and you start to see it as your girlfriends and her family fault?! Don't do it, if you don't want to. Dream wedding is over rated!

Answer 6

Sounds like you are most definately in a 2nd place position to your beloved's M&D !.
Submission to religous dictate like this are for the realms of the insecure and her parents appear, from what you are saying, to be well positioned within that category. Enough so to even give there daughter some great mental anguish ("Do I obey my M&D's veiled orders, or do I stick with my own level of belief/nonbelief and make the decision between two people only" (you and her).
If ANY decision about your life together starts with the inlaws then you two will never have the life you are anticipating........... there will always be four people in the marriage and you will continually be overruled by the spiritual fear imparted by the two elder people.

Go on holiday and get married on a beach in Mauritius - just the two of you !.

There is NO way I would even consider interfering with my Daughters life the way your G/F's beloved parents look like they want to with her.

Answer 7

Hummm...Lying about being Catholic is not going to solve anything much less lying about you accepting the Christian faith. Does your girlfriend know about you being an athiest? Another point to make is if you are truly an Athiest then you belive there is a God but refuse to serve him. A marrage is a statement before God that you are going to commit to one woman for the rest of your life. If you don't serve God why would you want to make a commitment before him? What you need to ask yourself is are you really an Athiest? If you are you would you sacrifice your beliefs to be with a woman that you love? If you do you are not an Athiest after all. I am a Christian and I believe that you need to make a choice. If you choose to marry this woman under false pretence she will find out and what would that do for your relationship down the road. Don't you think that she will figure it out? If that happens do you think that she would still love you? There are alot of questions for you to ask yourself. I hope that you will make the right decision. I don't believe that anyone can tell you what to do that is a decision that you have to make on your own. I hope that I gave you enough information to help you make that decision.

Answer 8

You should consider not marrying this woman at all and save her and yourself a life of conflict and pain.

I am not saying that you do not love her and I'm not saying that you two don't have a lot in common but this already seems to be a major problem. If your beliefs are that strong to the both of you isn't it reasonable that this issue will raise it's head again and again?

And what are the alternatives? Can you live in a marriage with each other without forcing your own believs down each other's throat? In this ceremony you are already doing just that and one of you can either force the other to comply or you can compromise your strong beliefs and lie to those in attendance as well as yourself. Is this the way that you want to begin your marriage?

It has been said, "No greater love has a man than this, that he lays down his life for his friend." Is this woman your best friend? Then lay down your life, your plans, your desires, for your friend's benefit.

My advice: don't marry this person.

Answer 9

As A Simple gaL, Being a catholic is not the base of the love inside, the important is that God knows taht you will marry each other :) You and your girlfriend may have the right decision for your future...

Answer 10

Being in a relationship with different faiths is workable. I'm Neo-Pagan and my wife is Christian. But, it takes a lot of communication. Moreover it will take a change in mindset. What you are shooting for is to respect and honor her beliefs without sharing them. She needs to do the same to yours.

Also, if you think planning the wedding is tough, wait till kids enter the picture.

I'm happy to chat more about this if you're interested.