My boyfriend crys if he can't see me and he says he wants to have kids with me and get a place with me and when I'm upset it makes him upset but he is always asking me if and when do I want to have sex wit him.I told him I would, but I don't want to give it up to him and that be all that he wants and then that puts me in a bad possition because I gave him what he wants.He calls all the time just to talk.He doesn't really try to force things on me but he just keeps asking.My other boyfriends went out wit me just to get some so am I just perinoid because my boyfriend treats me really good and makes sure nothing bad happens to me.I had just got raped like a year ago and he is really protective over me and always tells me that he worries about me because I'm always walkin the streets by myself and the guy that raped me is out of jail now.He treats me really good and I feel like he really does love me and isn't just trying to get in my pants but my dad thinks different.Thanks for your help!
2006-10-06 02:24:22 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First of all, how old are you? It really makes a difference in answering theses kinds of questions. Second of all, if you are not sure what to do then you are not ready to be having sex with this man. He sounds a bit abessive to me. You might want to slow down with him and concentrate more on yourself. Maybe get some counseling for the rape. You never once metioned having the same feelings for him back. Please, just take your time and be good to yourself.
2006-10-06 02:29:10 · answer #1 · answered by Elle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first and foremost you have been through a tramatic ordeal in your life and have been raped. In this alone there are many questions that need to be asked-Did you report the incident to the police, and do you know the identity of the rapist, the whereabouts, can you remember anything from the event and such and such? If you havent already reported it to the police then please do so, as it will help not only yourself but will protect other women in your area from the rapist in question.
Secondly, because of this ordeal-and because you have had a few bf's int he past who have just wanted to be intimate with you over anything else-this has made you put less trust in men and so you have shyed away from getting intimate with a man, for fear of him then leaving you, or perhaps fear of men in general.
This is natural, as you will experience lots of new feelings and emotions from your ordeal and this will make you much more wary in future.
I would suggest that you talk to your bf and let him know that you care (or love) him but that perhaps you arnt ready for sex yet. Explain the reasons for this-and explain that it is isnt him, but the ordeal that you went through. Try to make him understand as much as possible. At the end of the day you can only be open and honest!
Ask yourself if you trust him and if you are ready for this relationship so soon-i would suggest you go to a good counsellor in your area, which may help you alot, coming to terms with what has happened to you. You could also confide in a close friend- a problem shared is a problem halfed!
There are many support groups out there for people who have been raped (for men and women!) so you are not alone! :)
Your bf shoudlnt pester you for sex-as this is wrong, so make sure that ht isnt doing this. Donot do anything until you are ready and until you are comfortbale with doing so, as you will only make yourself unhappier otherwise ;)
Your boyfriend wants a long term future with you, and he seems like he loves you, but perhaps he is just getting fed up because he is missing that intimate link between the two of you, which is upsetting him. You need to talk to him despetately and let him know your feelings :)
Good luck! xx
2006-10-06 09:34:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel. And that feeling will never go away " thinking everyone just want's to get in your pant's". That rape really is going to affect every relationship you have. It has been over 13 years it happened to me and i still can't live thinking anyone can really love me. If you can get professional help do it I haven't and I think that might be the reason I still think this way. But as far as your boyfriend goes he does seem to be nice, but if you are not ready and he loves he will understand. If you love give him a chance. Only if you are ready.
Good Luck.
2006-10-06 09:31:26 · answer #3 · answered by Solitaire 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a guy, he is crying and acting all kind and caring because he DOES want to get in your pants. So stick to your guns, do not give in and see if he sticks around.
By the way, dads are always right.
2006-10-06 09:28:59 · answer #4 · answered by Mx2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go to bed with him, just wait and see how long he continues to be a good guy, only time will tell
2006-10-06 09:27:19 · answer #5 · answered by momcat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it if you don't want to. If he loves you he has to wait until the day that you are ready for it.
2006-10-06 10:09:39 · answer #6 · answered by mexicanena5589 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so whats the problem?
2006-10-06 09:26:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋