No discipline works, my five year old is out of control?

Question

I have two daughters ages 7 and 5. My youngest daughter has had a lot of medical problems growing up and still has a severe speech problem(she talks at about the lvl of an 2 year old). Other than the speech problem my 5 year old Gracie is a very intellegent little girl for her age and can do things he older sister can't do but she is beyond defiant. I know the problem can't be jealosy or lack of attention, she has recieved so much attention because of her medical problems alone, not to mention that she is being raised in a very loving home. She is now to the point that she will even hit her mother, she doesn't listen, and she doesn't care when she is punished. Nothing works, I've tried everything I even went as far as embarrasing her in front of her friends from school. Sometimes she can be a very loving girl but when she decides she wants to act up there is no punishment, or conseqeunce that will deter her. She even came close to killing the family cat. Is a psychiatrist a good idea

Answer 1

Sounds to me she's frusterated at not being able to get her points acrossed because of the lack of speech.. must be very hard for a child that is so intellegent in other way not to be able to form the proper ways to get her point acrossed to u, and her sister and shes getting angry..

I think a psychologist may be a must.. just to help her with her frustrations, but i think u need to slow down urself.. and realize how would u feel if u suddenly couldnt speak or could only speak partially u'd get angry when people couldnt understand what u want.. I also think its a must for u as well in helping u handle a child that has special needs.. also a behavioral therapist would probably help the both of u out as well.. (her how to control her anger and u carrying out the skills that he behavioral therapist would teach u , on how to get ur daughter to behave in those times she's actting out)

My son is deaf.. so he lacks in language skills also.. i think u need to get her a speech board.. its a big board of pictures to help try and explain what she wants.., that may help if she feels she can communicate better..

Embarassing a child isnt exactly a good way to go ..especially in front of friends, only lowers her selfesteem which im sure she already may start feeling the affects of low selfesteem if the children are noticing her lack of speech..so i dont recommend u doing that at all.. only adds to the frustration she's harboring..

Discipline, does work.. but u have to be willing to go the extra miles to make sure u dont cave.. she's 5 years old .. if u dont find a controled way of disciplining now at this age ur really going to be in a world of hurting when she's 9 and 10.... but the key is that u dont give, and she does.. so it may take a few times of u feeling like u want to pull ur hair out, before she realizes that Mom isnt going to put up with this stuff anymore.. when she acts out.. get her to look u in the eyes, get her to take deep breaths, and try to get her to slow down and try to communicate with u to find out why she's upset.. i really feel all the frustration is do to lack of speech, and also alittle of mom feeling bad for her and letting her get away with certain things instead of staying a tuff mom and saying something is definately unacceptable and sticking with the punishments..

Remember.. although she does have problems with speech and is causing her to be frusterated.. in all other aspects she is a normal child , that is capapble of learning between right and wrong.. she's not disabled she just has an obsticle to over come.. ..thats all..

Good luck..

Answer 2

I think a therapist may be a good idea. As well, she may be so used to the extra attention that she craves it any way she can (bad behavior). Have you tried making positive charts for her? Make a chart with all the stuff she is supposed to do and with times (get ready for school, get dressed) and when she does those things without behavioral issues, she gets to put a sticker near in the area. When she has enough (you decide) she gets a reward. Try that. Positive reinforcement may be what she needs. And consistancy. Don't back down. Good luck.

Answer 3

Therapy would be a great idea and make sure she goes 1 on 1 with the therapist then introduce her sister into it. I think you and your husband should read i think it's a book from Nanny 911 look at chapters. If you feel frustrated realize you are NOT alone. But be firm in your disipline and make sure you and your husband and any other care givers always follow through with the same method of disipline. Good luck as my boys are 14 and 16 and there is always worry and drama at all ages.

Answer 4

My daughter is also five years old and has a condition called speech dyspraxia. She behaves very much like the way you describe. Like your daughter, she can be very loving, she is very intelligent but she has the speech capacity of about a 2 year old. She does not respond to discipline. If anything it only makes her more hostile. I do not use any form of physical punishment, only things like taking beloved toys or privledges away, putting her in "baby" time (my form of timeout), that sort of thing...none of it works....

You never want to humiliate a child in front of their friends because they are developing social skills and self esteem...humiliation will only lead to other children judging and making fun of her. Having a speech disorder is hard enough for her to deal with...as she gets older and kids are less understanding she will have to tolerate kids making fun of her. Why add to it by humiliating her?

It seems to me like it is her lack of ability to communicate effectively that makes her so highly frustrated thus leading to her negative behavior as an outlet for the frustration...We also have a family cat....she has also nearly killed the poor thing because she loves him so much...

Have you tried alternate forms of communication such as signing or a picture book using photographs that she can point to to let you know what she wants/needs? It may lessen her frustration....My daughter gets highly aggravated if I don't understand what she is trying to tell me. I have been told it could be years before she is really talking. She has been to a private speech therapist and she is in her third year of preschool where she receives special education services for speech.

It has been suggested to me by a developmental pediatrician that a behavioral therapist would be benefticial for my daughter.

Good luck....

Answer 5

Yes I would take her to a doctor for evaluation. I have a daughter who when she was young was very very strong willed! When she was mad there was nothing you could do to get her back in check but just let her pitch her fit! Although, she never hit or hurt animals,she is now 20 and an excellent young lady. She still is strong willed but she knows where shes going and what she wants! Your daughter is probably angry over her medical problems and this is her way of expressing herself,but trying to hurt others is where it needs to stop. Good luck!

Answer 6

i think u should be harsh with her, when i was small my dad or mom use to slap me in the hand and since i was small it hurted i cried noone paid attention and that was probably a very good idea, theat both children the same as ur other daughter might get wrong message of lacking love, go down to ur knee at her hight say stuff seriously if it doesnt work hi her at the hand and leave until she shuts up or go make her stand in a corner or lock in the room, but never lock her in her room...a bit more she might wanna kill you guys

Answer 7

I would bring the issue up with her doctor first, there may be more medical issues to deal with. The doctor would probably be the best one to advise other courses of action to take if medical is ruled out as a problem. Good luck.

Answer 8

if you as a perent feel that you have tried everything and now she is trying to harm living creatures i beleive that you should seek professional help immediatly maybe start with a couselor before a psychiatrist either way its not normal behavior and you need to get to the bottom of it asap

Answer 9

First of all stop acting like there is something wrong with her..Thats the last thing she needs, Do get her expert help, take her to a counsellor and seek help.. and DONT EVER EMBARRAS HER BEFORE HER FRIENDS

Answer 10

therapy sounds like a very good idea.. it's better to deal w/the situation now then later.. it'll make u relationship w/ur child better and they can help u w/positive/negative reinforcement...