10 points to anyone that can make me laugh hard; only using jokes, put the answe of the joke as well though,?

Question

hahahahahahahaha

Answer 1

Vacuum Sales?
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"F*ck off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she tried to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse **** all over her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse **** from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a f*cking good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."

Answer 2

So there was this third grade teacher who was trying to get her students enthusiastic about the picture day. “Remember to bring $5 and wear a nice outfit. In future years, you’ll love looking at these pictures. You’ll be able to say, “Hey! That’s Jessica! She became a nurse!” or That’s Robbie! He became a movie star!” A student from the back of the class pitched in. “And that’s the teacher! She’s dead!”

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Answer 3

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.

Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"

The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

Answer 4

A Jewish guy finds a lamp one day in his attic, rubs off the dust, and a Genie pops out.

Genie: I shall grant you 1 wish

Jew: Ok, take a look at this map of arabia, I want you to take all the sand out of Israel & dump it in Arabia, then I want you to take all the oil in Arabia & place it in Israel.

Genie: Phew, thats a lil' big for me, got anything more manageable?

Jew: Ok then, I want a nice Jewish wife, great body, always up for sex, and does the cooking, cleaning, washing & ironing.

Genie: Hmm......









Give me another look at that map.

Answer 5

All the Jokes are good. Especially the Voodoo.


What will you do first if you win 1 Million Dollars in a Lottery?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqjsAMMMFpacIYkDQtok1jfsy6IX?qid=20061004171945AA9yDep

Answer 6

Penny stocks are loosely categorized companies with share prices of below $5 and with market caps of under $200 million. They are sometimes referred to as "the slot machines of the equity market" because of the money involved. There may be a good place for penny stocks in the portfolio of an experienced, advanced investor, however, if you follow this guide you will learn the most efficient strategies https://tr.im/4ed13

Answer 7

I'm making big money with binary option, I use this software ( http://forexsignal.kyma.info ) My software delivers signals only when the five indicators (bp trend filter, market deviation, price pattern, rel. price impulse, stat. price range) are aligned together and we have an extremely high confidence rate, it must then co-exist with my proven secret strategy before a trade be detected… as a result, we get a guaranteed Highly-Accurate ’80-100%’ Signal.

Answer 8

Two old women sat outside the care home having a cup of tea and a cigarette. It starts to rain so Maude takes out a condom, snips the end off and puts it over her cigarette. 'What's that?' says Ethel. 'It's a condom to keep my ciggy dry,' says Maude. 'Where did you get that from?' asks Ethel. 'You can get them from the chemists,' replies Maude. So next morning, Ethel goes down the chemists shop. 'A packet of condoms please,' she says to the young man behind the counter. The dispenser is rather taken aback by Ethel's age and politely asks 'Would brand would you like, madam?'
'Oh, it doesn't matter,' says 'just as long as it fits on my camel'.

Answer 9

Hemorrhoids are swollen and inflamed veins in the anal canal. They can be itchy, bleeding and/or painful protrusions just under the skin. To get rid of hemorrhoids you can use this natural method that already have thousands of positive reviews https://tr.im/wmf8L
There are two types internal and external. Internal are inside the anal canal in the lower rectum and external are at the anus. They result from increased pressure in the veins often due to straining during bowel movements and during pregnancy. Scratching in an attempt to relieve the itching symptoms further weakens the area and compounds the problem.

Answer 10

An Englishman, and Irishman, and a Scotsman were all out playing golf along with their wives. When the Englishman's wife went up to the tee a breeze blew her dress up to her waist revealing she was wearing no underwear. "Why aren't you wearing any underwear?" her husband asked. "With the money you give me I don't have enought to buy any". So he gave her twenty Euros to go buy some underwear. The Irishman's wife soon had her turn at the tee, and sure enough the same thing happened, revealing she was wearing no underwear. "Why aren't you wearing any underwear?" he asked. "With the money you give me I can't afford any", she said. So he gives her twenty Euros and tells her to go buy some underwear. Of course, the Scotsman's wife had to take her turn at the tee and wouldn't you know it, a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist revealing that she too was wearing no underwear. "Why are you wearing no underwear?", he asked. She responded: "With the money you give me I can't afford to buy any". Thinking quickly, the Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a comb. "Well then he said, use this - tidy up a bit".