Can I get some serious help for my friend?

Question

I've asked this before, but the situation has gotten worse and I need to know what to do.

My friend's boyfriend broke up with her 1 year and 3 months ago, and she has turned into a stalker. She drives by his and his fiancee's house, reads their blogs, and pieces together "sightings" of them to figure out where they go and how much time they spend together. She talks about them constantly, hasn't dated, etc. She's been in therapy and tried antidepressants and neither has worked.

I already sent an anonymous email to the pair asking them to change their email passwords, since she was reading those, too.

My friend has a moderate anxiety disorder and she doesn't seem to be rational at all. She works and goes to school but says thoughts of him "consume her." Something needs to happen to stop her - does she need more drugs, more serious therapy, call the cops on her?? I can't bear to watch her life waste away obsessed over this guy. (Who hasn't spoken to her since the break up.)

She is estranged from her family, so they can't help.

Answer 1

Your friend is not alone in such a case. All over the world, there are people - both male and female who just can't let go of a love that is no longer there.
From what you are saying, it seems to me, what your friend needs is to realize that nothing she is doing - stalking the guy, will ever bring him back, and it's even driving him further, farther away.
I wonder what kind of therapy she's had or how serious it was. Did she have sufficient time to vent or express her wishes and her sorrow? Cuz that's basically what therapy should accomplish....give the person a chance to express, to cry, to laugh, to regret, to ask why, to rejoice in the memories of what was......
After such, then the counsellor or therapist can then - gently tell her that all of it is over, and that what she needs now is to be strong in heart, mind and spirit.
As a friend, invite her to sit and just be there for her. Listen to her no matter how crazy and repetitive she gets.....then tell her at the end, it's over, and that she is a fine person who should not be wasting her time on someone who has failed to realize her value.
Tell her she ought, instead to:
get to know exactly what went wrong in that relationship
examine things - internally and externally. ....were there tell-tale
signs the relationship was not gonna work-- that she failed to
see?
Strive to become a better,more confident person. Instead of stalking the guy, she ought to take a good look in the mirror and tell herself her behavior is already unacceptable as it's infringing on the privacy of others.
Strive to work on her self-esteem and self image. No confident, happy girl in her right mind, would continuously degrade herself to stalking a person who is no longer interested.
She ought to try to nourish her soul and spirit with relaxation and confidence -suggest she get busy improving- learn a new language, redecorate her room, curl up with a good self -help book, and create a new person within.
She must try to forget this guy asap. Throw anything that reminds her of him, and stay away from their common friends or places they used to hang out.She's still at a fragile stage, so she ought to do what she can to be emotionally strong. Help her realize there is so much life has to offer.....even a lot more fish in the sea, but she has to become a good catch, to have a good catch....and that ain't happenin if she keeps on stalkin'.

Answer 2

Ok whatever you do do not call the cops on her. If nothing else it will break up your friendship but it may well drive her over the edge. Ask her if you can sit in on her next therapy appointment for 10 minutes or so. Make sure she knows it isn't to spy on her but so you can help her out by maybe bringing some things up she might have forgotten to tell the therapist and gently bring all this up.
Also a frank discussion may help, she may not be aware of how bad her behaviour has gotten because well meaning friends have been p ussy footing around her. A real friend will tell you when you are getting out of hand, not not tell you because it may upset you. She might get a bit irate at hearing it, but she will hear it and slowly she may mull it over and come around, don't expect miracles though because she has been at this for over a year and bad habits are hard to shake. Best of luck.

Answer 3

This is indeed a frightening situation. I suppose you already talked to her. It would not help calling the police but you can warn the other couple involved; I really believe she can do them harm if the problem is worsening or escalating. You owe them that much and if anything happens you will feel guilty. Talk again to your friend and if at all possible talk to her family and even her therapist. Some therapists could be played and some patients are sick enough and smart enough to use that to hide the extent of their illness. You need to get more people involved other than just yourself. It is so much weight to carry and you sound like a caring person. If you lose your friend in the process that is not your fault but you can not stand by and watch her destroy herself and probably others.

Answer 4

yes I think some more serious theraphy would be best,, she might even need some hospital time,, to re evaluate her meds and maybe some testing to make sure they have the correct dignoses for her.

I am sorry you have watching this and she can't get over him. It's very hard as a friend to see someone you care about suffere so much. You might talk to her family or parents the more support she gets the more likely it will be for her to see this is serious.

Good luck

Answer 5

There is no need to worry about her like if she were a man. They have that show on TV where they catch internet predators. They catch teachers, MDs, law enforcement officers, soldiers and all sorts but never women.

But she can help herself naturally with info on this site. She has one problem. It is the problem that many have. You should help her with this problem. She wants to be happy but is not. Get her to read the info on this site. What she is doing is common in this society. On TV now a days when someone is violent they call it testosterone. Among kangaroos the toughest male has sex with all the females and the other males can only play with themselves.

http://phifoundation.org/happiness.html

Answer 6

Call the cops on her, she needs a SERIOUS wake up call, if not inpatient psychotherapy. I know it's a hard thing to have to do to a friend, but what kind of friend would you be if you did nothing, and she went "of her rocker" and got a gun, a did something really drastic? Good Luck.

Answer 7

That's a long time to take to "get over" someone. Maybe some group counseling could help? Group activities that you could maybe get her involved in that can help to provide distractions and build new interests? Is there someone she's especially close to that might be able to have more influence on her?

I suspect it isn't anything really magical that he has, but more that her ego is hurt. I would suggest also trying to do things to build her self-esteem.

Answer 8

Call the cops on her, she needs a SERIOUS wake up call, if not inpatient psychotherapy. I know it's a hard thing to have to do to a friend, but what kind of friend would you be if you did nothing, and she went "of her rocker" and got a gun, a did something really drastic? Good Luck.

Answer 9

Wow, I'm am at a loss, so the other couple knows this?...if it's not bothering them and they have not reported her all you can do is be there for your friend when she opens her eye's and sees that it is over, she will definitely crash hard...good luck to you and God Bless.