PARENTS: This is a complicated question….?

Question

I'd like Parents with older or already raised children to asnwer if possible.
My friend tells me that when it comes to the psychological part of raising my daughter that it is going to hit me hard and I will be lost. I can see it will be that way some what. I do understand that I am raising my daughter to be a good adult. When did it hit you? What advice can you give me to prepare for it? what would u have done different?

Answer 1

My wife and I have been married for 35 years. We have 4 kids strung out from 20 to 34 years of age so I guess I'm one of the folks you are looking for.

First: YOU CARE. Or at least, your question indicates to me that you care. That, in and of itself, is about 90% of the battle.

Second: While raised by the same parents, in the same home, under the same conditions and treated the same, all four of our children are distinctly different people. One is almost a carbon copy of me, another is a copy of my wife and the remaining two only bear some semblance to either of us.

My point is your daughter is an individual, unlike any other on earth. As a parent you must accept that. She will do things that make you scream and you will drive her crazy. My wife and my oldest had some terrible fights. But all you really need to do is provide an example. She will follow that lead more times than not. That doesn't mean you can just ignore her but it does mean that any attempt at smothering her will be met with rebellion. Guide her, protect her, teacher her and above all love her.
I suggest you do things as a family. Have meals together as much as possible. Have an occasional outing as a family (camping, Disneyland, sightseeing trip, things of that nature). Try not to let your job take over your life, I stand convicted of that but my kids were able to have a stay at home mom.

I don't know what else I can tell you except: You are human, you will make mistakes, some will be worse than others and none of them will be fun. It is the nature of parenting that decisions have to be made on the fly. So don't beat yourself up every time you goof.

I will wish you luck on your adventure but I don't think you will need very much of it. You seem to be more interested in management than luck and that's a good thing.

BTW, it sounds like your daughter picked a winner for a Mom.

Answer 2

You have nothing to worry about.
What's going to hit you hard?
I have a 14yr old daughter, and sometimes i think she is the child from hell (smile).
Parenting is all about taking the rough with the smooth. If you asked my daughter now, i am sure she would say i am the mother of all evil!!
Raising your daughter will be hard at times, but fun also.
My daughter can converse with me about anything, nothing is a taboo subject, not like when i was growing up!!

Answer 3

Your friend may have been hit hard by the psychological part of child raising. That does not mean that everyone will or that you will. Don't believe everything anyone tells you.

Love your daughter. Trust her intelligence and judgment. The more faith you have in her, the greater the gift you've given. The less faith you have in her,the less faith she'll have in herself.

Your friend creates the very problems s/he is warning you about.

Answer 4

Parenting is all about rules. You have to have rules and make sure you enforce them. Reward good behavior with more leniency.
Other than that you should just let your daughter grow up and be the person she was meant to be. Don't try to force your adult 'psycho-babble' on your child. They often do not see the world as adults do and will most likely not be able to relate to any complex psychological situation you present to them.

Answer 5

The only thing i would change is that I use to tell them little fibs like when a cow lays down it's going to rain or if you swallow a watermelon pit it would grow in your belly. My daughter(then 4, now 21) swallowed a pitt and freaked out insisting I take her to the hospital because she needed to get it removed, she was in sheer terror that it was going to grow, I finally had to tell her the truth, and then she looked at me very sadly and said"why would you lie to me" and cried then she called my mom and said I had lied to her. My mom said to me "i told you not to tell her stories!" So when it hits that time that you have to deal with the psychological part be very choosy on what you say.

Answer 6

My advice - all children are different/different personalities. Deal with it the best you can and give them the freedom to grow, love and make choices. There will be some hard times, but that is a given. Allow your children to be 'themselves.' Don't worry about the future. Guide them but don't overly control them.

Answer 7

what's pho @? properly, i certainly take exhilaration in residing with my dad. he's an exceptionally all the way down to earth kinda guy, yet while i wanted him to take me to the mall, i could would desire to ask 2-3 days earlier the day of, and that i could would desire to tell him what time to drop me off and what time to %. me up. he's an exceptionally prepared individual. haha My mom, on the different hand, left 3 years in the past, so i can't say plenty for her besides she's an alcoholic and is egocentric.

Answer 8

I would not done any different. Have a boy and girl and they both good children. One is chef and the other is a coupler at a hospital and is doing fine. they are happy with there lives. It will hit DAT when you lest expect it to.

Answer 9

why did your friend say that?
did you ask for advice?
do you think this person is qualified to tell you these things?
or,do you value their reasoning,morals etc...?
if you feel you need advice ,seek it from more than one place
and from more than one social class -then make up your mind about wether to seek more professional advice or listen to your own instincts
if a problem arises -deal with it then -don't worry about what might happen in the future unless you can see it happening and can do something to stop it-otherwise think about how lucky you are at the moment

Answer 10

Whatever you do, don't get her on psychiatric medications. Just show her plenty of love, and raise her to function properly in the world, and she'll done fine. A lot of people don't realise it, but that's all it takes to live well, love, and something to do.