This is my problem, my husband's old high school friend is a really great guy and I really like him as a person- but he has made some bad choices in his life.
he has 5 children ( with 3 different women) and he works at a burger place. needless to say, he doesn't have a lot of money.
my husband and I are doing okay, we both have good office jobs with benefits and we save and invest our money.
Everytime my husband is with his friend jim, jim always hints that he can't afford his bills,food... ect. and usually, my hubby buys him or pays for whatever jim is hinting about.. jim doesn't make wise financial choices- he bought an xbox360 instead of paying his car payment. and guess who helped him out? .. he eats out a lot and spends most of his money on booze. I've talked to my husband about this- ( we're saving to buy a home and prepaping to start a family.) his response is " the guy needs help." I've even talked to jim in a very gentle way. nothing has changed. please help.
2006-10-05 18:21:16 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's effecting our finances too- on a recent trip to visit our in laws, we couldn't afford to pay for our dinner - my hubby " let jim borrow" $300.00.
2006-10-05 18:30:36 · update #1
Gibaudrac D, my husband and I share expenses. I am not a housewife.
My husband has expressed that he would like to start a family, and therefore, we need to start saving to be prepared for one.
also, I do make my hubby listen to me " carp." I'm not sure what your experiences with the females in your life are like, but I assure you- I am not a " parasite."
2006-10-05 18:35:49 · update #2
You need to say no. Find ways to help the friend that do not involved giving him money. Let him eat at your house, but don't pay for his tab at a bar or restaurant.
My husband is not good with money either (but thankfully does not have a friend like that) What works for us is we only take cash out once a month and that is that. No putting things like lunch on the credit card either. So you should both have your own mad cash allowance and he if wants to give all of his to his friend, so be it. But set a strict limit and have a system in place that says if he gives money to his friend, well then your husband can't buy things for himself like CDs or tools or whatever he likes.
Once you have kids, your husband needs to be able to say straight out that his own kids are more important than his friend. If his friend is really that poor, there are plenty of programs that will give his kids good free opportunities. Sign them up for Big Brothers/Big Sisters, library programs, Toys for Tots, etc, etc.
2006-10-05 18:29:43 · answer #1 · answered by Katherine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In most marriages the money becomes as one just like you and your husband are,therefore i would tell your husband that the money that is helping Jim,is money that you both have earned for your own goals and for your own foundation of having a family.Along with the statement of charity begins or starts at home!That money decisions should always be discussed between you two first and to see the need of loaning first.How would your husband feel if the shoe were on the other foot?I feel that these are very important things to mention to him,which you probably have already done.There is a saying that a foolish man and his money will soon be parted,my point is,your husband needs to really see that this friend is using him because he can and in this process your husband is planting his money on a bad seed which will be parted from him in no time.A person can't help anyone that can not help themselves.Jim has chosen to work where he is,neither one of you should pay for his mistakes.I believe this man works where he does due to the child support of 5 children,which is sad,but this is my opinion.If Jim can afford xboxes,then it is time to cut the apron strings here.I hope this has helped you in another way of taking to your husband,maybe this time he might come around to your way of thinking.Remind him that him and you are to come first,that you both forsaked all to live a wonderful life together,let him also know that Jim is a taker and that anything that causes strife and robs you of anything in your home is not of the Lord!The enemy comes to steal,kill,and to destroy.Don't let Jim do this any further.I pray that the Lord cuts all binding ties to you both.I hope everything goes as it should for your household.Best wishes and Good Luck!
2016-03-27 06:52:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me you have a very loving and caring man. One who will be a great dad who will teach his children compassion by example. You should be counting your blessings. You are blessed in so many ways that Jim is not. Your husband is not taking THAT much away from you and when he has a family he will probably help Jim out a lot less. You really need to look at this at a whole new angle. Your husband is a great friend and human being, be proud of him and thankful he is yours.
2006-10-05 18:43:18 · answer #3 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you...."Honey, its either me or Jim."
However, a more simple approach would be to reining in your husband's spending ability so he can't give money freely to Jim. Keeping your savings in CD's that can't be freely raided, holding on to the checkbook, getting rid of his check card, limiting availible cash in the house or keeping the cash on you. It also might be a good idea to start limiting his time with Jim or some reasoning with your husband that stops short of what i'd do if I were you.
2006-10-05 18:28:15 · answer #4 · answered by superchrisw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to make your husband understand that a little help now and then is fine, but there comes a point when he is enabling his friend's dependent behavior. Your husband's friend is an adult. He needs to grow up and face the consequences of his actions without having someone bail him out constantly. Only then will he learn to make better decisions and stand on his own two feet.
2006-10-05 18:27:50 · answer #5 · answered by G.V. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to care for your husband a lot to put up with this. Don't forget YOUR purpose in this life. You have to put your foot down and mean it. Because Jesus promises us that if we have to give up a family member for his say than we will be rewarded many times more because what ever makes you sin than you have to cut it off. You be delicate with the matter but don't put it off. If he is a good husband than he will listen to his wife because you are one.
2006-10-05 18:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
as long as your husband and you arre ok and hes not breaking you, let it go he's a friend in need, you would do it for your friend in a heart beat, you mentioned your ok, even if jim has made bad choices there may be a good reason why, he may need mental help, dont be so quick to judge or selfish, this is definatley not the place for advice talk to your husband not us.
2006-10-05 18:25:51 · answer #7 · answered by jason 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You formulate your question badly. You should ask how you can facilitate your husband's desires. If he makes the money he should be able to spend it wherever he pleases without hearing his wife carp. How would you feel if he tried to restrain you from spending HIS money on your dresses and cosmetics and lingerie (which no doubt you buy to please your lover on the side). Be humble and grant the man his dignity. There are too many wives around who think their husbands owe them something. Try not to be a parasite.
2006-10-05 18:26:10 · answer #8 · answered by Gibaudrac D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dun have an answer for you, jus wanna say your husband sounds like a very nice guy. God blessed you and thanks for the 2 pts.
2006-10-05 18:25:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is ridiculous. His family should come first. I say get your own account. If he doesn't shape up, ship him out.
2006-10-05 18:25:23 · answer #10 · answered by lucy02 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋