i have tried many different ways to try and find a gf, joined clubs, socialised, go out, but have none who become interested anymore than friends. i am reasonably ugly, and my confidence seems to get lower as each day goes by. Im also becomin a lot more depressed, and as a result my relationships with family and friends are deteriorating, along with occassional thoughts of suicide (these are generally extinguished by thinkin of mymother at my funeral however). i feel virtually worthless, and just cant stop thinking this way. it is driving me mad, and i just wonder if anyone has tips on trying to feel better about yourself? i dont see how i will ever get a girlfriend that i am actually attracted to, as most girls do not even give me the time of day. it seems most girls that are friends are actually my mates gf's, and i feel its more a comfort thing than them actually liking me. just dont know what to do
2006-10-05 18:10:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Quit trying to find someone here and now, that is why you are feeling dissapointed, live your life day to day and eventually, someone will come along when you least expect it..Try going on a dating site, you never know. Good luck
2006-10-05 18:17:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, it's a great idea to socialise as are you are doing. Very positive -- many benefits aside from looking for a girlfriend -- keep it up. It's also a very good sign that some girls want to be your friend. They would not do that if they didn't see something worthwhile in you.
Secondly, a suggestion about feeling good. Try vigorous physical exercise. You simply cannot feel depressed when you are focusing on exercise -- and it makes you healthier and fitter looking to boot! (Can you tell I used to be a PE teacher?)
Thirdly, a suggestion about your appearance. Simply do what you can to take pride in your God-given physical appearance. Good hygiene, quality clothing, and attention to grooming goes a long way.
Don't worry too much if you are not the handsomeest dude in the world. Physical appearance is not the most important factor for most women -- except for the shallowest of them -- and you wouldn't want to waste your future on one of them anyways -- would you?
Fourthly, a word about suicide. The 'easy way out' is no answer. You will find out, to your horror, in the spirit world that you will not escape. You will be sent staight back here again into the same situation until you live through your problems and resolve them.
Relax a bit. Girl's radar can sense a desperate and needy guy from across the room. They don't like it. Don't try too hard. Perhaps try meeting girls first on some Internet dating sites. Some are even free. It is less stressful than meeting someone for the first time face to face.
2006-10-05 18:46:45 · answer #2 · answered by hughgo-a-go-go 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, all I can tell you is there is someone for everyone. You just haven't met her. The old saying good guys finish last is in existance for a reason. There are alot of girls out there that feel the same way. And always remember that only cowards kill themselves. Not to mention it is a little selfish when those of us out there just keep on keeping on still survive and someone else kills them self over social anxiety.
You are beautiful and I don't even have to see you to know it. You apparently have a soul and that counts for more than you think. Best wishes and good luck. It will get better.
2006-10-05 18:20:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girls are alot of trouble, expense & time.It sounds like you have bigger issues to fry first, anyway. Please seek out some counseling about this. Human life is bursting with potential - it's usually the worst kind of self-deception in our mind that prevents us from seeing that & knowing that. Your worth has nothing to do with the body, or even your abilities but with the things that don't show & which it sounds like you do not consider. A good counselor can help you see this. The self-image you have constructed is as impermenant as the heavy dark clouds before a downpour & with a little help will change just as easily.
Good Luck My Friend!
;-)
2006-10-05 18:27:43 · answer #4 · answered by WikiJo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
awww theres always going to be ups and downs in life. i went through that growing up and i did contemplate suicide, though i was too scared to follow through. from what you've said, i'd suggest you talk to a doctor or a psychaitrist. im sure they can help. and as for the girl troubles. try a new look. new hair, new clothes, stuff like that. also, i suggest a pet. whenever i got depressed or felt unloved, i always went and sat with my dog for a lil while. he would just look at me with his puppy dog eyes and i know that he loves me with the way he licks my face and the way his tail wags when he sees me. i tried this a few times and i think it did help: write "i am perfect because God made me" (well if you're religious) on your mirror and read it aloud 5x in the morning when you wake up, and 5x at night before you go to bed. there's someone out there for you. and just because you still haven't found her yet, doesnt mean you wont. just keep your head up and stay strong. =]
2006-10-05 18:16:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up - there's a lid for every pot! Put your time to good use. Get out and get involved in local groups and activities that you find interesting. Before you know it you'll develop new friendships, and amazing things can happen.
2006-10-05 18:19:30 · answer #6 · answered by Ed 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
clubs and social events aren't the only places to find such close relationships. don't feel so bad. i know it sucks never having had a gf.. but know that there is someone out there for you. and even if you do have to wait awhile for her to come up, she'll surprise you and she'll be worthwhile. of all things.. i think lack of love life should make you closer to your family and friends. they're more important for now i think. perhaps even one of them will introduce you to this ulitimate girl. so chin up!! i'm sure she's just as anxious waiting for you out there.
2006-10-05 18:17:49 · answer #7 · answered by this_one_girl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try talking to a cousolor after I got out of my realationship with my ex he was severly abusive and possessive he had me feeling all the ways you are I talked to a cousoler and it has helped. AND no matter what anyone says everyone is good looking in their own way people need to quit looking at looks and go after personality and if you ever need to talk message me ok.
2006-10-05 18:15:15 · answer #8 · answered by lilblueyes8058 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to research groups who talk about this sort of problem, maybe church supported or through your doctor, lots of ugly men have wives, and some of them are quite pretty, i think its more how you think of yourself than your actual looks so then you put off really negative vibes. talk to a doctor and maybe he can find you a therapy group on self esteem, then put on your best smile and get out there.
2006-10-05 18:18:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you ARE destined to be alone ,It does happen. My tip to you though. Lower your standards! there's plenty of lonely ugly women out there !
2006-10-05 18:19:51 · answer #10 · answered by Jotun 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋