I need some advise. I'm very upset w/ my sister right now , I don't think she even knows.?

Question

Our mother has been very ill for the last 2 months, and my sister doesn't show any concern. She doesn't even call me to ask about our mom. Yesterday I received an invitation for her son's birthday party. I don't want to talk to her or even see her face. Should I even make up some excuses for not going or just don't attend period. Our father passed away 3 months ago, she never visited him when he was sick, she just showed up when he died in the hospital. I forgave her for that. However, I don't think I can forgive her this time. I don't think I would want to talk to her again. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

You need to tell her how you feel, and find out how she feels. Not talking to her will breed all sorts of bad feelings down the line.

Answer 2

Believe this or not, your sister see's you as the "stronger" one between the two of you. I went through the same thing with some of my sisters & brothers. My older sister had a massive stroke and is in a nursing home. She knows who everyone is, can only say a couple of words, can't walk, or use the bathroom, and it will be this way untill she dies. Only a small percentage of my family stays in touch with her because they "think" they can't handle it. So, they call "me" to ask how "she" is doing. I understand how you feel, and what you're saying here, okay? But in actuality, you "indeed" are the stronger of the two. And though I don't personally know you, "I'm" proud of you for trying so hard. Try being honest with your sister, and tell her you would really like to see her come around more., as this would brighten things up for your Mother, and take some of the emotional strain off of you. If she doesn't respond positively, just except it, and keep being there for your Mother, okay? And no, you don't have to make excuses for not attending a birthday party, obviously you're too busy taking care of your Mother by yourself. That's a "fact," not an excuse. Good luck

Answer 3

Almost 5 yrs ago when my brother parished,,my mother was so disstraut she went into a nursing home.She is now almost 87 but as sharp as ever.My sister doesnt visit or send a Christmas card or Birthday card or anything.She is the oldest of the siblings & my Mother was always great to her & her family.I have stopped talking to her & I think she is very rude.I was the youngest & the black sheep of the family supposedly but Im all she has now.Funny how that works out right? I honor you for caring & helping your mother & your father as well,,Im sure that you were there for him also.Take care.

Answer 4

You are not wrong to feel the way you feel..but everyone handles these situations differently and you need to discusss your feelings with your sister. Why are you mad? Is it that she disappointed your parents? Did you need more help or comforting from her? Just tell her what your needs were and are...instead of attacking the way she has been handling the situation so far. She may not realize how her decisions and actions are affecting others.
Im very sorry to hear about your mother. I have seen this happen several times in my own family (cousins) ...and it is so sad. They keep their feelings bottled up and just dont speak anymore. It seems siblings never seem to agree or handle this situation in the same manner and it really tears families apart.

Answer 5

some people can't handle sickness ... your sister seems to be someone who would rather remember the person alive than when they are sick and are afraid of their emotions so they pretend life is normal.

you should call her and tell her how you feel or write her a long letter, but don't be surprised if she does the same thing here as she did with your dad.

thank god your mom & dad have a strong daughter to help them out ... god bless you and your family and forgive your sister for her short comings .. life is tooo short to hold hatered.

Answer 6

You can't dictate how other people choose to deal with their parents' illness or death. Maybe you think she should act all upset because that's the way you deal with crisis, but that doesn't mean that's the only way or the right way for her. How do you know she doesn't cry at home by herself? Maybe she can't deal with you and your reaction because it upsets her more. If your mom is ill and your dad just died, I think you'd be foolish to alienate your sister just because she doesn't grieve the way you think she should. In fact, I think you are selfish for thinking you had to forgive her for not seeing your dad more when he was ill. The relationship she had with HER dad has nothing to do with you, really. She's the one who has to be okay with how things went -- it's not up to you to forgive her for anything in regard to that -- especially when you haven't even had the decency to tell her you are upset over it. What's that about?

Answer 7

family should always stay together your sister may have a reason to why she dose not come around maybe she cant stand to see her mom sick you should talk to her about it befour you just put her out my mother died about 3years ago she has nine kids im the youngest and i took care of her up intell she died i did everything by myself my brother and sister did come to see her every now and then but i was with her all the time i even stoped working to take care of her but thats what i wanted to do i did get upset at my family because i had no help but after it was all over with i seen they did love her but they could not stand to see her sick just because your sister dose noy come over to see her mom dose not mean she dont love her it may just hurt to bad for her to be there with her all the time because it is hard for anyone to go though that just talk to her and see her side of the story first befour you throw her out of your life

Answer 8

I can't jugde u right or wrong but i wud tell u to talk to ur sister n try to figure out y she is acting like this; wat problem she really has to ignore her family like this. Maybe she is bound by other relationships that are not allowing her to be with her own people.... (Maybe)

Having a sister is a blessing dear.... U shud be with each other by ur mother's side n not fight between urselves on wat one is doing n wat the other is not doing. Try to figure out the reasons behind ur sister's action... Hope it works out well for ur mom n good luck..

Answer 9

no your not wrong you have a close relationship with your mom as we all do but maybe your sis is in denial, maybe she cant cope. try talking to her and be prepared you may come to realize that she is hurting as well and has no outlet. so tread carefully.