Am I being selfish by only wanting one child?

Question

Anyone else who is a parent of 'onlies' get a lot heat from their friends/family?

Answer 1

I think anyone outside of the parents have a lot of nerve giving anyone grief about having more kids... one kid or no kids at all... so many people give opinions on things that are none of their business. I would just say "Geez sorry I didnt realize I needed to discuss my family planning with you..." or "Im sorry that you think you can dictate how many kids I have... Im happy with one thank you"

Answer 2

It is not selfish at all, honestly, when people say that it is being selfish, I dont understand why at all.

I myself am an only child, at times growing up without a brother or sister is hard. The fact that when my mother is gone, I will not have anyone besides my children is a hard fact to face. But I also feel that becuase I am an only child, plays a part in the relationship I have with my mother. She is my best friend and we always have been super close. She's always the one I go to and hang out with. If I had a sister or brother, I know we would still be close, but I think the fact that I am an only child has a little to do with us being so close.

It's up to you how many children you want. Do NOT let anyone else tell you different.

Answer 3

I don't think that's selfish to only want one child. But if you're arguing with your spouse over how many to have then I would suggest compromising. Explain your feelings to him/her and then compromise, either pick a middle number (like you want one, s/he wants 4 then agree on 2) if possible or have one now with the option open to discuss a second one after the first one is a certain age.

If your family and friends are giving you heat for only having one tell em to stick it somewhere very unpleasent. It's your choice and I think it's selfish of them to make you feel like you need to have more than one.

Answer 4

It isn't really being selfish but it is hard on the child as they grow up. They only have adults to identify with hence they don't recognize that they are a child and not an adult. They just assume that they are equal, and often they tend to get spoiled and have higher expectations of all the adults in their lives. The nicest thing you can do for an only child is put them in situations where they are around other children as often as possible. They have a hard time otherwise. Just being around other children helps them learn to share, to negotiate etc ... Having 2 they play together and entertain each other. One alone expects you to be the entertainment. That can get tiresome for you as the parent. One final thought, it's very lonely for them when their parents die and they have to go it alone. Still I believe it's ultimately your decision, no one elses. Good luck whatever you decide.

Answer 5

I'm not the parent of an only-child, but I thought I'd mention this:

I always kind of wished my daughter had a sister because I thought it was nice for girls to have a sister. Not long ago I mentioned that to my daughter, and she said, "I'm glad I don't have a sister." She said she sees her friends with their sisters and is happy not to have one.

Another point: My sister's youngest child is a boy. He once said he wished he could have a little brother, and she said how "someone has to be the youngest, and it happens to be him".

I think people accept whatever their "lot in life" is when it comes to siblings for the most part, and wanting one child isn't, I don't think, particularly selfish. Only children develop close relationships with their friends; and when it comes down to it, when we lose our parents we each go through it alone even if we have siblings.

Answer 6

I really belive a child needs a sibling someone to grow up with and share things with. My 2 boys aged 5 and 3 are very close. However their cousin aged 2 1/2 is an only child and he seems withdrawn ,selfish and demanding of his mum,he cant really communicate with his cousins. So unless there'e a medical reason please dont deny a child a brother or sister.

Answer 7

Not at all. We all have our own reasons. If you think it's best for you to have just 1 kid, one kid is great...but more than one is better (if you can afford it). I have 2 sons and still people tell me I should have a girl. I decided not to anymore because I'm afraid I won't be able to provide the 3rd child the best just what we've been trying to give our 2 sons always...But if I had the luxury of time and money I think I'd prefer a bigger family.

Answer 8

I personally want 2 children and have one already but i have total respect for those who chose to only have one because you know what you want. I don't believe you are selfish by wanting only one child. Your family, besides your husband, has nothing to do with this choice and neither do your friends. It is YOU not them that is going to raise and cherish your child or children. It is your body that goes through pregnancy and labor not theirs'. That last statement also means its not your partners choice either really. While out of respect you would consult them it is ultimately your body your choice. I hope this helped.

Answer 9

I get grief from my parents,my friends and even my husband for not wanting anymore than the daughter I've already got.Complete strangers ask me when I'm having another and just flat out don't believe me when I say never.My parents keep telling me that my daughter is going to grow up lonely but she goes to play group,to the playground,we live in an apt. complex with other kids and we have a dog to keep her company.I only want one I know I can't handle another and if other people can't get the point that's their problem not mine.I know what I want.

Answer 10

Of course that is not selfish, but funny thing...I never took any flak from family or friends until my own son got to be 9 or 10. He was the one that turned on me in the end. He felt deprived because all his friends had siblings and he had no one. I sure didn't see that one coming.