What should i do after almost 9 years?

Question

A few weeks ago my ex-husbands new wife called me up and asked me if i was willing to take my child back from my first marriage, but the thing is i haven't seen the child in close to 9 yrs. What should i do? Say yeah ok i will welcome him into my new life after so long, and with MY new husband and children. Or should I say no, because I feel I don't really know him, and he doesn't know me either. Please give your honest answers.

Answer 1

I don't really know the whole situation here, this is a tough question. I mean, first of all, why does she suddenly want "you" to have your son back? Is his behavior such that "she" can't handle him anymore? And if so, could it be that your son's behavior is due to the fact that he "misses" his "natural" mother? Wants to know her, love her & "be" loved by her? I ask this because it's the "only" thing that makes any sense to me. Unless he is being abused by his father and the step mother is trying to protect your son by asking you to take him in. I look at it this way. If you have maternal feelings for the children you "do" have at home, surely you can develope those "same" feelings for your other son, right? Perhaps you should look into this a bit deeper, and then decide. If this is the case, I would take your son in and let things flow slowly....it will all work out eventually. Good luck either way. This makes my heart sad for your son.

Answer 2

Whether or not your this child's biological mother is beside the point. It's time to "Mother up" and get involved. There obviously a problem and you have to think of the child. You could have a shared visitation or a relationship. Start slowly and find out the details. It could be that the "new" wife is having difficulties and wants to have an easier way and see's this as the remedy.
The goal of parents, to strive in raising a child that will be successful in society. This includes being a successful family member that feels love and is loved.
I don't know what kept you from this child for nine years because it's not important or the point. What's the point, and important? Is that you build a relationship from now. Make room for this child and you will have made room in this child's heart. I don't think it will be easy, but it sounds like it needs to be done. I speak from experience.
I wish you all the luck.

Answer 3

Wow, this is a very serious question.
I feel that I'm really not qualified to discuss this with you except that I'm a parent too.
I just feel that you should take your child in and give him/her 9 extra years of love.
If this woman wants the child to go, than things are going wrong there. The child is acting up, perhaps, and whenever a child acts up, it's because the child isn't being loved and cared for properly.
Now is your turn to just fill that kid up with love (no matter how old he/she is now). And also get the poor kid a therapist to talk about all these tough life-issues he/she's gone through.
If you don't think you can give the kid the love he/she needs, don't take him/her back. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't.
This is my honest answer.
Further, I'd like more details--like--why didn't you get custody or joint custody? And, why didn't you visit your child?

Answer 4

what you should be asking is why after 9 years are they willing to give the child up? Are they having problems with the child? How old are your other children? How does your new husband feel about this? After you figure out the answers to these questions, then decide what to do. Maybe meet with the child, access the situation.

Answer 5

I wonder why is has been so long since you have seen your child? Do they live in the same town? You need to speak to your ex-husband and find out what is going on and why his wife is asking this. Does your ex want you to take your child? After that, talk to your husband and tell him the situation. Don't jump into any situation. Give it all alot of thought. Regardless of what you do, you should develop a relationship with your child. That child needs to know his/her mom.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Why is she asking you this after all this time. I would find out what is really going on and then judge. Personally I think I might say no unless there was some really good reason for disrupting the lives of so many people you, your new husband and family and this poor child who is gonna need years on the couch because none of the responsible adults in his life what anything to do with him. Poor Baby.

Answer 7

I think you ,the child ,Your X and his wife better sit down together and get to the bottom of this . Also, why all of sudden after nine years why has this come up ? Is the kid not happy living with them ?Is your X`s wife sick of raising someone else`s kid ?
I really feel sorry for the kid though ! Seems like he or she is stuck between a rock and a hard place . I cant say that I have any sympathy for you .

Answer 8

You have children now, and do not long for a relationship with your first child???? That is really nuts. If you love the children who live with you, you should want to love the ones who do not as well, not just put him out of your mind. Would you give up one of your kids that live with you right now. This is just horrendous. Maybe you need to tell his step mom no and to keep him because you are selfish and have forgotten that you have this child. Oh yeah and when he grows up and wants to confront you make sure you tell him about this choice you made, to go along with giving him up to your first husband too. He'll love you for that. NOT!

Answer 9

your lifestyle as already answered this question. If You haven't seen YOUR child in nine years. You didn't want to see him..Didn't you have visitation rights? Did you move away from your child and give up those rights.Your new life seems to be more important than the child.Why does your ex and his new wife want to pawn the kid off to you?Your lifestyle wasn't good enough for raising a child nine years ago. has anything changed?

Answer 10

You havent took care of him in the past 9 years,why start now? Really, what is wrong with people like you? I could never imagine leaving my child for any reason in the world!! I would do whatever it took to have my child with me. What is really sad, you can't take care of him but take care of other children. I feel for this child and will pray for him...he is gonna be messed up in the head!!! You should be ashamed of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!