Christian husband ...abusive?

Question

I married my husband (now seperated) Sept 5/two years . He is a christian man, child of god. His mood changed once we married and the physical, mental abuse started. I was begining to think "I" was going crazy. I was being accused of having relaton's with other men and sometimes women. He would degrade me and call me names. I LOST MYSELF! My ribs were broken and blackened on two occasions. I would many times ask WHY? Why does God not tell him that all the accusations were false and make him stop the mental and physical abuse on me. I know that God would not put more on us that we could not handle.
Confused......
I would appreciate any feedback ......

dphn

Answer 1

Because God does not exist. Life is really not that bad without an imaginary diety. Try it, you may find it to be freeing.

Answer 2

I am so glad you got out of the marriage before he permanently damaged you. Abusive men are mentally ill, and religion has no effect on their vile ways. The only thing to do is get out - praying or pleading are equally ineffective - an abuser will always abuse again, and it will get steadily worse. You did nothing to bring this on - he is sick.

You must be very strong to have the courage to walk away - abusers often intimidate their victims so much that they can't leave - and many end up dead. Try to move on and put all this garbage behind you - make a new life for yourself, and be very sure the next man you fall in love with is gentle and kind! Good luck!

Answer 3

I would say that your husband probably had an abusive side to him prior to your marriage, just be glad you are rid of him because it could have been more tragic, there are many men and woman out there that have some pretty nasty skeletons in their closets that they do not share or show until marriage, some men and woman can not accept the responsibility that marriage brings, in many cases it is the accusations and abuse that sets them free of the marriage while it leaves the other hurt and vary confused, I would think if you did a little research into his past you would find a pattern from his previous relationships and his actions to end them.

Answer 4

Sounds like he has pretty severe problems. Not to be insulting, but you made a bad decision marrying him. You probably went into it with your eyes half closed, and projected your idealism onto him without really knowing him well enough. This is very common. You made a right decision by getting away from him. It may take him a long time to realize that what he is doing is wrong. Those changes don't take place quickly at all. Any quick change is not a genuine change. People can change though, and this may be part of the growing process that he has to go through. I would stay away for safety reasons, but continue to pray for him. He may try to change right away for you, but this will not be genuine change. He will have to change because he is 100% convinced that he had been sinning and repent from it. This could take a long time, perhaps even years.

Answer 5

I'm sorry for what you've been through. There's never an excuse for abuse. Especially for a Christian. I had similar experiences as a child, and I know all about confusion.

Firstly, God WAS telling him to stop. But the nature of sin is that it stops you from listening to God. He'll be held accountable to God for hurting you. In fact, the bible says that for those who know God's word but ignore it, their punishment will be worse than that of a nonbeliever. The abuse you suffered had nothing to do with God testing you. You suffered because of sin. As you can see, sin NEVER hurts just the sinner. It takes over and just keeps on growing until it hurts everybody.

Remember that just because he calls himself a Christian doesn't make it so. A true Christian's motivations and actions are moderated by the Holy Spirit. It's sad, but there are a lot of frauds out there. When you truly get to know God, though, you'll learn to spot them.

Please don't give up on God because some jerk lied about being a Christian and hurt you. Get involved in church, build your own relationship with God and you'll see that the difference is massive.

And I'll be praying for you tonight.

Answer 6

Your husband is not a christian. Your husband is the opposite of what Christianity stands for. He hides behind his godworshipping hipocrisy. Your husband is the prime definition for the word "hipocrisy". He does the opposite of what he preaches.

Please! Don't go back to him for any reason. Get a protection order. Make sure he can't get ANYWHERE close to you. If you can, move to another state without leaving a forwarding address. Tell your family and friends to never even consider telling him where you are.

I don't mean to scare you. I just want to make sure that you understand that you must keep yourself safe - from him. The world is dangerous enough as it is, but when a violent and abusive husband faces a wife who is divorcing him... all precautions are necessary!

Don't listen to any promises. Abusers don't reform EVER. The only time they feel like men is when they are in control over another human being. His hitting you is his way to be "manly".

Move on, life is waiting for you.

Answer 7

Finalize the divorce. No matter what your christian roots tell you. You are lucky you got out before he killed you.

Read some crime books, these things only escalate and get worse.

God probably was telling you all along that you needed to get out but you were too busy looking for a 'sign'.

Go back to church (a different one than you attended together) and find another christian man. Keep in mind the religion doesn't make the man, the man makes the man. I have known very religious people high up in many different churches that were as wicked as the devil himself. Trust the spirit that is within you. Listen to it more and stop looking for 'signs'.

Answer 8

Whatever you do, don't go back to him. Abusive men have a way of being total gentlemen after berating and abusing you, just to ask for forgiveness and take you back to control you more. So don't go back. Stay with close friends and family And why not go ahead and get a divorce.

Congrats on seperating from him and you will find a better man someday.

P.S. He does not sound like a man of god to me, if anything he seems possessed by evil spirits.

Answer 9

Your husband is not a Christian.

God gave us free will. This means to you and your husband. You are each responsible and accountable for your actions.

True, God will not give us more than we can handle but you have not been properly handling the situation. If you were, you would leave this abusive situation. Handle it immediately! Handling does not imply enduring abuse.

God does not want you to be abused in any way. God said a husband should love his wife like He loves the church. Your husband took vows to love you and cherish you, before God. Your husband broke these vows he made before God and he will have to answer for it to Him one day. Meanwhile, when your husband broke these vows with his first act of (physical or mental) violence, and HE was the one who dissolved the marriage contract you had before God. You are only married legally now. You must handle the situation, legally, and leave him.

I believe the reason you will never find true happiness in this marriage is because you are no longer married before God. You are just living together which is (obviously) a sin. Sins invite Satan, suffering, and pain into your life. Your husband is the one who broke the marriage contract, NOT YOU. You had no control in the matter because you only control yourself, not him. If you had control over your husband you would have stopped the abuse. It's up to you now to use your self control and get out.

You can forgive your husband in your heart if you find comfort in doing this but you must move on with your life and end all communication with him or you may be tempted to return to sin.

There is support out there, find it and use it. Look in the yellow pages if you need to.

Don't let your husband talk you into going back to him. Even if he were to change, which is very unlikely, his realtionship with you is already set in patterns and those patterns will eventually show up again. You already know this because if you look back at his past behavior you will see it. This is human nature.

You are confused because Satan is in control of the situation. This is evident by all the sin going on in your situation. Do not be confused. Do not allow Satan to cloud your judgement. Your actions must be based on what is right.

You already have the strength you need to get out, immediately, because God would not put more on you than you could handle. You can handle this. Do what is the right Christian thing to do and love yourself, get out. God loves you and is waiting for you.

Answer 10

"I would many times ask WHY? Why does God not tell him that all the accusations were false and make him stop the mental and physical abuse on me. "

Meanwhile, God was asking WHY? Why is she sitting around waiting for me to do something when she could get herself out of harm's way?

Answer 11

i am glad you are away from him at right now. abusive husbands can be very dangerous. he is obviously not following God's will for his life. i wish i could give you a solid reason why this is happening, but no matter how bad it gets, God can use it for the good in the end. but you should NOT endanger yourself by being with him. has he sought counseling? have you notified the authorities of this abuse? you are not alone in this struggle! find a local support group for more personal help. continue to seek God through all of this. you're in my prayers!