need some suggestions for a forgetful child?

Question

my 8 yr. old is extremely careless. she leaves jackets, lunchboxes and various items at school. well, today, i discovered she had left her brand new pink barbie boots at school. she wore them and changed into tennies at school for p.e. class. we had successfully done this before. and i reminded her to bring them home. i can remind her and remind her till i'm blue in the face. but she still forgets things. i've tried taking away priviledges, grounding her, spanking her, but it seems that nothing is working. i can't reach her. need some suggestions please!

Answer 1

What I would do is at that age she can deal with consequences... If whe forgets something (that wont be harmful for her) anywhere or does a forgetful action let her deal with it and have to see what its like without it. If she says I forgot that I would say "well the boots belong to the school now" or " I guess some other little girl might want them I guess they can stay there if you dont really want them" After a while she will realize you wont save her everytime this happens and that there are real consequences directly effecting HER

Answer 2

I can relate, my son is the same, it is really frustrating. I don't think they are being careless per se, in most cases they do care, and are sorry but still can't seem to get it. Dr.s love to diagnose these kids with ADHD and CAPD because they have busy minds and tune out responsiblity and other unpleasent things like discipline and homework for example.,With my son I found that a change to a healthier diet was by far the biggest help of anything we tried. We took him off sugar, artificial colorings and flavorings and anything we couldn't pronounce in the ingredients list completely, and simple carbs. We worked in more brain food like avacado and fish because of the good fats. it was rough for about 2 weeks while he adjusted. We also supplimented him with a kids chewable gelcap of Omega 3-6-9 from the healthfood store. He really was sensitive to all that proccessed stuff, because he is so different now. He is happier, more focused, has a better self image (probably because he's not in trouble so much) and so takes more pride in what he's doing.
We've let his diet slip a couple of times for a few days at a time, and it's like "oh no". My husband can tell, and says "has he been skipping his vitamins? Or did he eat some junk?" It's so obvious now. We are also trying to make an extra effort to give really clear, simple directions with eye contact, even though he seems too old for it. and we bumped up his bedtime a half hour and are being really strict about it so that he gets enough sleep.
It seems that the more I tried and talk a point into his head, the more I get tuned out, that is their nature, it is what makes them forgetful in the first place, this tuning out, and they do it to us don't they?
You might try asking your daughter on the way to school "ok, what do you need to remember to do today?" Having her repeat it back to you assures she's listened and may help later in the day, just the the way repeating the name of a person we've just met helps us remember their name later. If that hasn't worked, try a post it, with s short list in her lunch box, and if she doesn't bring home that lunchbox, write the short list on the palm of her hand, she can't forget that. The kids love to write on themselves anyway, might as well serve a purpose.
Good luck, I now how it is, you thought they'd grow out of it after preschool, and it's so trying, good luck.

Answer 3

If I may say so myself, please don't punish your child for being forgetful! I'm speaking from my experience--not as a parent, but a forgetful child. Although I am much better now at remembering things, I used to forget things like my much-needed glasses... even when they were on my head! What worked for me (and still does) is reminders like post-it notes, scraps of paper, stickers, etc. Punishment should be reserved for when your child does something truly wrong. If you punish her now, it will only make her withdraw and either blame herself for something that can't be helped, and/or grow distant from you. After all, this is not a problem with her per se; it's more like the part of her brain that makes her forget. Try out those notes for a while--sooner or later, I think she might have trained herself to remember the important stuff.

Answer 4

She will be more likely to develop the type of mind that has constant serveillance for remembering detail, if her life were quite structured. Same after school activities, homework times, tooth brushing time, bedtime. Dull and boring, but we have the same problem and really structured routine has helped immensely.

Another thing that may be a big factor is we enrolled her in martial arts, which teaches them detail in movement, and they have to do homework/chores before class, and have to tell what they have done that day toward that end. It seems to have really helped her focus and get more organized. Some of it may be she is just getting more mature. We have gotten more structured as indicated above.

Last year, I was ready to have her evaluated for ADHD, this year she is doing great! NOW is the time for her to suffer consequences in school if she cannot remember to do homework/projects. If she gets much older, when it falls to her, the consequences are more long lasting.

Hope some of these will work for your child, but every child is different and what works for someone else's may not be the answer for your child.

Answer 5

She could be ADD, (without the "H"), and that can contribute to forgetfulness and lack of organization. Also, has she had any headaches? That also seems to run together with some of that. Watch for what she eats and see if it has any effect on her. You might consider talking with her doctor. The only other thing you can do is have her keep a list of things to remember. Have her refer to the list (if she will remember). Maybe she will get tired enough of having to refer to it, that she will remember things. Some people need to see things written down in order to think of or them. Perhaps give her a little pocket organizer and have her write things down that she thinks will help her, and let her begin deciding which things need to be put on the list. Many businessmen use lists, so it is good for all.

Answer 6

Pneumonic devices, crutches and coping mechanisms. A pocket sized notebook to jot down things to remember. A string around the finger (truly!), phone calls, notes to the teacher. This mind is not easily trained to recall such trivial things. This mind is a very intelligent mind. I know this mind because I have a 19-year old with this mind... he struggled all the way through school, from 2nd grade. We had him tested, he tested genius. He was bored with the trivial things, couldn't sit still in school... not hyperactive, just too smart.
Please do not damage her self-esteem by making her feel inept for forgetfulness, she cannot help it. Help her to develop her own coping mechanisms... she'll find her way. In the meantime, you can't "fix her" so stop grounding, spanking and punishing. Positive reinforcement is the only measure that works here. When she does remember something... praise her and reward her. When she's 21 and gone from your nest you will realize that those brand new pink Barbie boots mean nothing compared to a healthy feeling of self for your daughter.
Stop sweating the small stuff. Cherish the fact that she comes home and is still in your nest.

Answer 7

i obviously do not know your daughter or your specific situation, but here is one mother's opinion.

it sounds like she does not value her possessions. they are things and nothing more. she seems to have no concept of money or what it takes to acquire these 'things'. does she get an allowance? if she wants a 'thing' does she have to pitch in on buying it? she most likely does not forget her friend is having a birthday party three and a half weeks from Saturday. she probably reminds you everyday that you need to go shopping to get the birthday present. (i could be wrong)

we remember things that are important to us and that we care about.

now, if she's generally forgetful as well as inattentive, high strung and disorganized, she may have ADD or ADHD. (I am not a psychologist so again, could be wrong). I DO NOT like labeling a child. it happened to my brother and it was a disaster, BUT it is real and it could be a possibility if the above is true. it is much more prominent in boys, but sometimes goes undiagnosed in girls.

hope that helps?
:)

Answer 8

You need to use a little daily reminder book - it is amazing how quickly the child gets used to it. You, though, have to be consistent in writing things down for her. Don't punish her for these behaviours - she probably honestly doesn't mean to do this, some kids are just like this. Try a more positive approach, even if you need to use rewards. Negative reinforcement rarely works (even with us adults!).

Answer 9

Asking a child to change shoes for elementary school P.E. is unnecessary and time consuming for a teacher. Try to have her wear shoes that don't require changing or have her wear tennis shoes on the days she has P.E.

Have her pack her own backpack each night and make a list (laminate it for future use) of the things she needs to bring home (add pictures for reference) and put it in her backpack. Praise her when she brings everything home!

Answer 10

Make a list for her.

(PS disorganization can be a sign of a learning disability. Keep an eye on her school work and talk to her teacher)