Where will you find your best support in this situation ? Where you are right now?

Question

Or with your family or close friends in another location?
And every time you see your ex , your stomach churns and you take out the stress on your kids( that happened to me sometimes how about you?)
Having that absent father drop in every now and then for a cameo apperance(it is called "in-out" ex)does more damage to your children than it benifits them . Since he's not on a regular basis anyway, and there's every indication that he's not committed to participating regularly in his kids lives. I'd move if I had family in the next state asking you to come live near them.

Perhaps your family is toxic,tearing you down at every turn and driving you to beat yourself up and act out of obligation. As difficult as it may be , I'd opt for staying where you are. Or if you're living close to toxic family members, I'd suggest that you move from them.
If that's the case , and your kids struggled in school as a result-- acting out because ot the pressure at home ,

tossing their school- work to the dog, enduring embarrassing comments about their parents and home life from their peers-- a fresh start in a new school might be just the thing to help them get back on track.
Now is the time to ask yourself , What's the big picture? What do I cherish Most? What most beneficial for my Children?

Is that what you really want in the long run?Do you want to give up control to your parents so they once again become the parents, and you wind up more as an older sibiling to your kids?
Does this mean you can't ask for family to pitch in and help?
Innvolment becomes a problem when your parents'"help" renders you helpless. Then even good intentions can be harmful --to you .
what kind of "help" are you asking for?
You don't want to jump back into a relationship with your ex or into the dating scene faster than your three-year-old whiz kid of a daughter/son can tie her/his shoes.

"If you were marooned on a desert island and could have only one book with you , what book would you choose?

(After all , anyone who becomes a parent comes to realize , sooner or later , that part of parenting means you are choosing not to be selfish. You are choosing to put others first.)

feel free to give advice to other parents and on the good point s i describe.

Answer 1

Well, not sure how to advise you in your situation because I'm not in it, but one thing I can tell you for sure is don't take it out on your kids. That is beyond selfish on your part. It is not their fault that you two cannot be adults and decide on a set schedule, and yes, I say you two, because you are a part of that decision making process.

Your kids are innocent in this, leave them out of it. You're the adult, you should know better.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

I'm not sure what you are getting at here. If I put myself in a woman's shoes where the father kept very little appearances I think I'd first get a divorce finalized and seek financial help from Child Support from the ex. If he's not already voluntarily giving any financial support that is. If he refuses to help money-wise take him to court. If the money situation was fine I might want to relocate. There are many complications here, though. One question on what book I would take if I was about to be stranded on an island would be the longest I could think of, maybe possibly a dictionary so I can amuse myself with words I don't know. This way I can keep my sanity while focusing on staying alive.