We've been dating a year. He is great to me when we are together. But, he seems content to see me a couple of times a week. I would like to see him more. He claims he is happy and enjoys our time together. Am I being unrealistic? We are both in our late thirties and he has no kids, if that matters.
2006-10-05 15:05:52 · 15 answers · asked by schweetums 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
One day at a time. All he is asking is his space. Time out for oneself and to be able to chill out with men friends.
There are times where he needs his space to gather his thoughts and be himself, plus men like to go fishing and play a sport without the woman being around.
Its like the woman. we girls like to chill, and take time out without the men.
Your not married, so thats good Once that happens, well thats when you wish you did have more time to oneself.
Getting under foot is bad Karma, Space is good.
2006-10-05 15:13:19 · answer #1 · answered by aotea s 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK... to all those that instantly said "he's cheating" or "hes not taking you seriously, dump him" please reconsider.
I was in this same situation a while back -- except I was the guy that she describes. I wanted to have some time "just to myself." Not to be with other people, other friends, cheating, anything like that. Just some me-time to putz around in my workshop, wash my car, read... just some quiet alone-time. I never could get it though, because the gal I was dating had to have me around at all times, from the minute we got home from work until I left the next morning.
I felt smothered and untrusted -- like I was under surveillance at all times and was never allowed more time than it took to go to the bathroom alone (and sometimes not even that as she felt the need to talk to me through the closed door, maybe to make sure I didn't sneak out the tub drain or something.)
In general, people need their space. It's easy to misunderstand this as rejection if it seems he doesn't want to spend ALL sorts of time with you -- but he DOES want to see you what, every other day or so? Think about how many long distance relationships would LOVE to have every other day instead of every few weeks? You say that he is great to you when you are together --- and that is a good sign. That means he's happy to see you, all refreshed with new thoughts and ideas. If he was always zoning off, answering every question with "huh? whats that?" then you'll be right to think is mind (and maybe heart) are always elsewhere. This does not seem to be the case.
Another reason to reconsider your feelings -- back to my smothered example -- we spent every waking minute together, and had no experiences separate from each other. We had NOTHING to talk about because we were always around each other when anything happened.... Does that make sense at all? When you two are spending time apart and having "seperate experiences" you'll have new things to talk about with each other and THAT is what will keep you two together.
The "together all the time" thing? I assure you that creates boredom with each other and eventually kills one if not both spirits of those involved because they lose their own identiies. I know I did. Took me almost a year to recover... rediscover my hobbies, make new friends (never got to see my friends in that time) and get caught up on all the things I missed. (like putzing around in the workshop, washing the car....)
2006-10-06 01:23:54 · answer #2 · answered by The Jeep Pilot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt matter if he has kids or not. If he isn't giving you what you want out of the relationship, then you might want to reconsider being with him at all.
Sure the time you spend together might be all dreamy, but if it isn't progressing then it never really will. Even if you push him to put in more of an effort, then it's just that... pushing.
Tell him how you feel about the relationship and if it doesn't change then it never will. Good luck on it though!
2006-10-05 22:11:05 · answer #3 · answered by Suzy Q 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I actually have the same problem but it's mainly because he works, so we only see each other on the weekends. It's not that bad because if you don't see each other that often, it gives you two a chance to miss each other. No doubt that when you do see each other, it's great. You'll also get to have time for yourself and you should try to relish those times also.
2006-10-05 22:32:31 · answer #4 · answered by Pinkie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would think he isn't that serious about you unless he is a workaholic and if he is RUN. He will be a very boring person. You need to find someone who loves to see you and calls you and who is serious about starting a family one day if you are already in your late 30's
2006-10-05 22:11:45 · answer #5 · answered by seekinghisface1974 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's probably tryin to slow things down a little, and get a little more comfortable with you, or it could because he isn't all too interested in a serious relationship, but likes having the idea of someone he can relate and talk to.
2006-10-05 22:17:05 · answer #6 · answered by quiksilver8676 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is comfortable with the way things are. He might just want a companion and is not looking for a future with you.
2006-10-05 22:11:14 · answer #7 · answered by sunflower 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not ready for a commitment. Otherwise, he would want to be with you every single day. Sounds like you are moving towards that big C....
2006-10-05 22:10:04 · answer #8 · answered by Milie88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm this is a sticky situation but im going to tell that it's not lookin too good on your relationship. do you guys live far away from eachother? if so then maybe it's ok but wait either way he should WANT to see you .
2006-10-05 22:09:44 · answer #9 · answered by mickey_ds 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not saying it is right but it sounds to me like a hidden agenda.
I f he is not willing to commit now will he ever be?
2006-10-05 22:12:33 · answer #10 · answered by devlin m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋