How long should I wait?

Question

I've been dating this man for 3 years. He's became my closest friend. We live almost 4 hours away from each other and weekly I take the trip to visit him on my days off. He splits the cost of the expense as he owns a diesel and my car gets better mpg. We've been doing this for over 2 years now. I get so tired of the drives yet he says he isn't ready to commit. We've broken up a few times and just when I get to the point to start to date, we get back together and try again. He says he loves me but not in the same aspect that I love him. He's my closest friend, lover and companion in life but he's not willing to make the commitment. He had a very bad divorce 8 years ago and says he is stuck in his ways and doesn't want it to go bad. He seems to think once you get married everything changes. We are both in our 40's. I need him more in my life than off and on and I've expressed that to him. But he refuses anything more than what we have. How long should I wait?

Answer 1

i think he is just being honest with you on where your relationship
is going at least you know where he stands, but the question is are you gonna want to be in a relationship where its not goin anywhere?do you want to put your self through this knowing its not working both waysit has to be 50/50 to feel the same you want something that your really not going to have.it cant be all one sided.you deserve love back and commit yourself to that someone and hes not that one, it hurts so why go along with it any further. life is to short you deserve happiness as well.

wish you the best.

Answer 2

Stop. Don't wait any longer. Trust me on this, you will only get older and bitter. I know you care about him, I know you love him - but wouldn't it be mice to have someone feel the same way about you? How nice would it be to have a guy that would drive, or do whatever it took - to come see YOU!?! You ARE worth it. I don't care if he drives deisel, or a jet plane - if he cared enough about you - he'd take a damn bus! Life is way too short. There are men out there that CHERISH their women, men that would do anything to win the love of someone like you. This guy is using you - you drive to him, you have sex with him, you are there when HE needs you. Start going out with friends, not to meet guys, but to have fun. Do things you enjoy, and suddenly, love will fall into your lap when you least expect it. Break the cycle, stop giving in and "trying again". The only one trying - is you! You are the one with a desire for a future, all he wants is for things to stay exactly the same. You don't benefit one bit from that plan - think of your own happiness, think of 10 years down the road! Get out, have some fun, you WILL meet someone who just might sweep you off your feet.

Answer 3

That's too bad, all i ever want in life is for a women to feel that way towards me. I'm sorry about the situation, it seems as though he went through a tough time. you guys really need to move closer to each other, theirs a sayn "out of sight out of mind". if he saw how you felt more often then i think he would come around, faster. And i dont mean to be rude, but when you get to that age all you do is wait. please dont take that wrong, I'm not tryn to call you old. but at that age all you need is someone else to grow old with, come to think about it that's all anyone needs. Wait as long as you think you should, give it a little while longer good things are bound to happen.

Answer 4

hmm, this is a toughie. i think that if you are really dedicated to this guy, and you really want to commit, take it a step at a time (such as, living together etc.) and dont be afriad to wait as long as needed. if you aren't willing to wait for a long time, then tell him that and break it off. sometimes you need to sacrifice a love to save a friendship (so clice i know).
look at it this way though, there was a reason you guys broke up. that reason will always be there, are you completely over whatever the reason was? is it possible that the reason will stay no matter what? just think about it.

Answer 5

i think it would matter on the region. a chum of mine dated approximately 6 years earlier getting married because of the fact she exchange into unwell a superb form of the time and could not bypass via with the marriage in basic terms yet. If it exchange into something like that, i'd wait a collectively as. If all circumstances have been ideal (or as much as they might yet) so a ways as money, a house, and different issues, i'd nonetheless wait a pair years and be content cloth. i've got been engaged for one million.5 years suitable now, and is not married for yet another one million.5 years. i'm affected person i think.

Answer 6

This man wants what he wants,and he wants a relationship of convenience.That might sound funny considering the distance involved,but make no mistake! The distance involved is convenient for him! He doesn't have to worry about you being around all the time,and when you are he doesn't have to pay for fuel!
He may indeed love you in his own way,but that doesn't mean that he'll keep loving you in a way that satisfies YOU!
A four hour drive for a soulmate shouldn't be a regular thing.
He might be happy with the current arrangement,but it sounds like you aren't.Don't settle for a situation that only makes HIM happy.If you're not also happy then it'll eventually fall apart.

Answer 7

He loves the way both of you now. He got trauma and affraid that the next marriage would be as bad as his previous.
You just have to convince him once more and after that wait for his reaction. If he refuses again, than leave it. Don't show him you are begging that this would show him that you are weak. Show him you strong enough to live without him and still able to seek another guy who doesn't affraid to make serious commitment you wanted. Good luck :)

Answer 8

Well.. the divorce was 8 yrs ago.. thats a long time...

What does he say when you tell him this? Have you told him this?

Just tell him you want and need more... ask him if he thinks this will ever be possible for you two. If he says yes it will be possible then I would wait becuase it sounds like you really love him. If he says no, then maybe you should move on.

Answer 9

You will likely get a lot of flip answers about leaving the guy, however nothing will get his attention more than dating other people. He is in a comfort zone and this is really the only way to shake it up. He will either give up, or commit. Either way, don't you want to know?

Answer 10

If he refuses after that long, then he is not looking for a long term relationship like you are. A relationship is a two way street, and it sounds like you are trying much harder then him to make things work. I think it would be better to move on because you are looking for more than he is willing to give in a relationship.