My mother-in-law will invite family over for the holidays and has us bring all but the meat. After dinner she gets up from the table and goes to the living room to relax, expecting, and demanding, that the dishes get done and the food put away. I want to say no in such a way as to let her know that the hostess does the dishes and the food clean-up, and guests can offer to help should they want to. I am tired of being the one who has enough manners to do them.
2006-10-05 13:06:06 · 24 answers · asked by LindaLou 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Start inviting her for dinner - with the same conditions - maybe she'll see the light if she's on the other end of the invite.
2006-10-05 13:07:34 · answer #1 · answered by workingclasshero 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. I think if you respond in a confrontational way, it will cast a black shadow over possible future events.
I think you are right that the hostess usually does the dishes. It is odd to have your guests do the dishes unless they offer to help.
You have to weigh how important it is to take a stand like this. If it is just the holidays, is it all that much of a burden to do the dishes during this time? Perhaps after a lifetime of doing meals and dishes, she's tired of doing them? Family situations are never easy and as I get older, I find it's best to suck things up and just go with the flow sometimes. If dishes are the only thing that is a problem in your family, I'd say you're pretty lucky. There are members of my family who haven't spoken to each other in years....
Good luck. ;)
2006-10-05 17:24:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think you have made some wrong assumptions. Most dinner guests will offer to help with the food preparation or the clean up afterward. Since you seem to dislike this woman so much, why don't you leave her alone in the living room and go to the kitchen. You can clean up while you're there!
And if helping really gives you heartburn, accidently break a dish. Repeat as necessary. Do it often enough and you'll be banned from the kitchen.
My gripe is that the kitchen duties always seem to fall to the women - while the men sit on their butts like royalty! Oh man, that's the real travesty!
2006-10-05 13:12:07 · answer #3 · answered by alaska_coolcat 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your question sounds like you get stuck doing all the dishes, clean up, etc. by yourself? If so, then the others should pitch in too...I always offer to help my m-i-l when we're over there, though she's usually done before I realize she started, if you know what I mean, she's little and fast.
I think if she's just being a turkey you should probably leave her alone a while - and if asked why, say 'it's tough enough to have to do my OWN dishes at home!'. Maybe that will get through, though she sounds like someone who doesn't get a hint real easy!
2006-10-05 13:43:39 · answer #4 · answered by Baby'sMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would confront her with this problem and tell her how you feel right away. If you don't it will turn into something that will make you hold grudges in your heart and then everything she does becomes a problem. Then after awhile you don't Even know what it was you were so up set about in the first place. Maybe you could approach it like ( mom ) if you call her that, Could you help me this time maybe we could get them done faster and then we all can relax. Or just say give me a hand because it bothers me that you expect me to do the dishes all the time and I need some help.
2006-10-05 13:24:25 · answer #5 · answered by purrfectsandcastle 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she shouldn't expect any one to bring food or to clean up, but everyone should have the common courtesy to offer to bring a dish and to help clean up after the meal!....if u don't like the way things r then i guess you should politely tell her u wont be coming to her house for any more get togethers!...i guess by the way things sound you r one of the only ones that actually gets up & cleans,well its a hard one being that its his family!......i wouldnt make her mad just tell her ur sorry but u have other plans or that you thought you would cook dinner for just your immediate family for some special time together!
2006-10-05 13:09:58 · answer #6 · answered by CRYSTAL S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hard to say when it's family....if you were a guest (non-family) I would be appalled at such behaviour, but when it's family it's different.
I know at our family get togethers everyone brings things and EVERYONE helps to clean up, well...at the girls at least, and then guys leave us alone and take care of the kids. It's worked out great so far.
Sorry, I have no real advice for you....maybe just mention to her that you wouldn't mind her help.
2006-10-05 13:09:10 · answer #7 · answered by Flower 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. I've always just kind of done it and never thought it inappopriate for it to be kind of be expected.
Maybe you could offer to bring the meat- saying something like, how about we handle ALL the cooking, if you handle the clean up and see how the conversation goes from there?
2006-10-05 13:09:28 · answer #8 · answered by Mommyk232 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well just tell her politely that the hostess does all that. if she refuses to believe you or listen, then you'll have to quietly refuse. spread this word out to the other guests, and eventually she'll realize if all the guests do this. but do this all in a polite way--don't be too harsh. (except when maybe she gets really harsh and impolite, which i doubt :-)
2006-10-05 13:09:46 · answer #9 · answered by ♥heartbroken♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest to your mother in law to make reservations for dinner for the holidays. Tell her since it seems to wear her out so much to make dinner that she has to sit down while others clean up, no one gets to enjoy each others company after the meal (hers included). This way, no one has to make the meal and no one has to clean up.
2006-10-05 14:13:21 · answer #10 · answered by pumpkin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋