Which foods are best for increased flatulence?

Question

I have recently joined the London Bottom Symphony orchestra and I play the trombone. I need to maximise my wind for our next concert, in a week's time. Please can you tell me which foods I can eat to induce maximum flatulence.

Answer 1

CABBAGE CABBAGE CABBAGE!!!!! AND KIDNEY BEANS... ANY KIND OF BEANS!!!

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

No ones mentioned the good old kebab.

A nice greasy Doner should do the trick, washed down with a few cans of cheap lager.

For added effect, take several Alka-Seltzers at once, this must be done while they're still fizzing away.
Bicarb ( Bicarbonate of Soda / baking powder ) is also good.

You can also experiment with cabbage boiled with a good dose of bicarb and a nice egg curry.

I'd advise several emergency underwear changes to hand if you leave the house afterwards, or just wear a kilt.

When's the gig? :-)

Answer 4

I agree w/ everything everyone else has posted. You might also try sugar-free hard candies. Something about them gives you lots of rip-roaring gas!
You may want to try a Chinese food dish before hand. Get something w/ the MSG, cabbage, broccoli, onions & cauliflower & you'll be all set. Wash it down w/ some cows milk.
Plus, lentils. Lentil soup will make you fart all day.
If you manage to eat all of what I said in the same day, you'll probably propell yourself 10 ft. in the air. Might want to wear some old underwear, just in case...
Happy tooting!

Answer 5

Weak tea, cabbage and beans. Try to avoid curry as this can have a detrimental effect and produce rather watery bum burps, not the sort admired by any bottom music lover
Hope this helps

Answer 6

I personally find that drinking large amounts of hoppy beer like stouts or guinness and combining that with chinese style spare ribs produces huge amounts of incredibly potent guff power, i can sometimes manage to rasp the rectum 15 or 20 times an hour.

Theres nothing better for annoying colleagues than constant farting in an office - especially if you stand up, lean to one side (ie. with one foot off the ground) and shout 'BOMBS AWAY' just before squeezing one out.

Good luck with the orchestra!!

Answer 7

OMG hopefully it's an outdoor symphony!lol Try the old beans beans the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot, the more you toot the better you feel so eat your beans with every meal. Baked Beans.

Answer 8

Beans: Beans contain large amounts of the complex sugar known as raffinose. Smaller amounts are found in cabbage, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, asparagus, and in other vegetables and whole grains.

Starches: Most starches (potatoes, corn, noodles, and wheat) produce gas as they are broken down in the large intestine.

Onions: The sugar known as fructose occurs naturally in onions, artichokes, pears, and wheat.

Dark beer and red wine

Answer 9

Coffee, ice cream and many milk derived products do wonders for me. The resulting smell tends to be somewhat sulfuric.

A friend of mine's formula is nacho cheese Doritos with a war, chocolate Yoo-Hoo.

Answer 10

Beans , eggs ,soya,sprouts,cloudy beer and stand clear.

I once cleared a rest room of 20 engineers on this diet.

Answer 11

Ten pints of lager followed by a chicken vindaloo. No one will be able to stand being next to you for a week after that lot.