My mother's family expect us to visit them at family gatherings at my grandma's house once a month. My grandma lives 3 hours from my house. We also get together for every holiday, including everyone's birthday!
My wife and I are planning to have a baby soon, we decided to cut down on the birthday visits, but go to all the holidays (split with wife's family) except for Christmas.
I want to stay home on Christmas when we have a child. I don't want to put kids in a car every Christmas to spend all day driving and they can't stay home with their toys as a family. My family told me they won't celebrate on Christmas Eve since its inconvenient for everyone else, so we decided to not go anymore.
My uncle said it was selfish of me, but I have my own family and we are starting our new tradition of staying home on Christmas. I told them they can visit us on xmas if they want and they said it was too far for them to drive, but I do it once a month!
Is it selfish to stay home on xmas?
2006-10-05 11:08:54 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Dear, here's the deal. you and your wife are your own family now. Apparently everyone is in your business. And they need to back off. You've made progress, you work, you have a stable relationship to bring children into,a home for them and loving parents. You will be fine. But you have to get these people out of your personal lives.
I assume you and your wife agree when you make decisons. You make responsible decisions. You just aren't getting through to these folks. So, follow through on the things you Know you are doing right. Do not discuss the subject with extended family anymore. If they bring whatever subject up say, " We've decided to come into town once a month." "We've decided to celebrate Christmas in our home." Whatever. And then end the conversation. Say, "The end." And walk away.
You are not being treated with respect. Respect is key to any relationship and your relatives are damaging relationships. When you speak to them you must teach them about this life you and your wife are creating. Respond to what they have to say. Do not react. Simply take a breath, speak to them as if they were a good friend, and respond. If this is a repeat conversation you can ask if they can tell you what you said last time they asked. When they answer you just say, "That hasn't changed." And walk away. You can talk politics, other family members, childhood memories, vacation memories...just don't indulge in conversation about a subject that has already been addressed.
If your wife has issues with other adult females then other adult females should not be in your home. It should be her option as to when she wants to interact with them. Rehease together your polite, respectful, firm responses.
Don't let them provoke you or your wife into a reaction.
You may want to seek other employment at this point. Don't quit your job just go to Your State Department of Labor and check out the job listings. Do get your resume together and be prepared to mail or e-mail it. Scout around. In the long run you are not in a healthy environment at work and you don't want to pay the price.
As far as Christmas Eve goes, you can be the family member that does Christmas Eve, or the annual family Christmas party,since Christmas is going to be an issue. Plan for a Saturday, or do Christmas Eve during daytime hours since driving time needs to be considered.
Stick to your guns, Dear, you are doing fine. When people make comments that are disrespectful like the comment your uncle made about you being selfish you just need to come up with a standard answer. Like, "Uncle, I've always respected you, I just want some of that respect in return." And walk away. End of conversation. There really is nothing more to discuss. Time to talk about how Little Jimmy is doing in math.
Assume you are teaching these people something. Teachers are kind, respectful and firm in their resolve. Be the Teacher.
2006-10-05 13:29:15 · answer #1 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We stopped traveling (10 hour drive) to family for Christmas when the children came along. We also wanted the kids to have Christmas at their own house.
Our families came up with the idea of celebrating Christmas the weekend before Christmas. On Saturday we went to his family and on Sunday we went to mine. Then we packed up and headed back to have our own Christmas at home. Relatives were always invited to come see us if they wanted, but no one ever did.
2006-10-05 11:13:55 · answer #2 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no not selfish
it's not like u'll never ever see them again is it?
u have 2 put ur foot down every once and a while with family or they easily slip in2 taking 1 another 4 granted.
ur being reasonable & ur immediate family has 2 come first now.
2006-10-05 11:16:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO! Who ever thinks that is crazy. You know it wasn't until recently that I finally realized I love spending time with my loved ones, but I guess that's because I was taken away from my family as a child. So now more than ever I love hanging out with my mom and dad and siblings and if that's what you like then do it!!!!
2006-10-05 11:27:55 · answer #4 · answered by xnothing_but_the_truthx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! It is NOT selfish, and please don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it or pressure you in to going in spite of your feelings. Once you have children, it's best to begin your own tradition...if the relatives wish to stop in, fine...but you and your spouse are perfectly justified in wanting to be in your own home with your child for Christmas.
2006-10-05 11:18:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not selfish they will get over it,Christmas is for children and their families not for riding around in a car.
2006-10-05 11:15:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. You have your own family. If that is what you and your wife agree upon, then it is absolutely fine. Like you said, they can come to your house if they want.
2006-10-05 11:12:07 · answer #7 · answered by Jen G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All married couples have to deal with this. You two, and you two alone have to decide where you spend your holidays.
2006-10-05 11:11:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO
2006-10-05 13:58:17 · answer #9 · answered by BadAssGirlINWV 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋