Is there any other way to deal with a stupid child?

Question

I was just informed that the best way to deal with a screaming child in public is to ignore it. That, not only seems completely disrespectful and offensive, it seems like "enabling". Isn't there a better way to help a child stop screaming in public?

I understand the logic...if you pay attention, the child will learn how to get its way with you. It will learn that screaming equals attention. However, if you ignore the child, everyone else in the area will silently hate you and your baby. Believe me, no one thinks your child is as cute as you do.

Why don't most people just remove the child (i.e. take it outside, change it immediately, etc.)? I know its a pain in the @ss, but that is part of having a child, isn't it? After all, it's yours and not mine. So...isn't there a better way?

**"Screaming child" does NOT include "sick child", "ear ache child", "dropped on the floor child", or any other instance that might make a normal person cry out.

OK, OK...your child isn't "stupid". Jesus friggin' Christ... However, the parent IS for ignoring it at the expense of everyone else...better?

Answer 1

I'm not going to answer this because you're a child yourself. I would hope no adult would call a child stupid.

Answer 2

Looks like you answered your own question. If not at home you remove the child from the attention of others. And I agree with you that it is not advantageous if you just ignore the child. A child must be corrected and repremanded ASAP or they do not learn a damn thing. The idiots who dreamt up this modern day crap are carrying child molesting out of it's context. I spanked my children years ago and today they would tell you that it taught them a lesson the quick way. I didn't abuse my children back then, I corrected them and I wasn't a child abuser either. Corporal punishment in schools also was an excellent usage for correcting abrupting and parental mis-disciplined children in schools. Today there is no disipline in the schools and look what is happening through out the country. We now have police in the schools to provide protection. Expelling a child the way they do today for the same reasons corporal punishment was used years ago is the biggest joke that ever came about. You teach the kid nothing that way, you only give them a legal way to skip school. The whole thing is nothing but a farce. The ones that actually need the whippings today are the parents who don't use disipline in the homes, and all those idiots who came up with the so called modern day tactics should be put in their place.... the unemployment line. Things are only going to get worse unless something is done about it, but I'll never see it come about in my remaining years the way it's going today.

Answer 3

Always remove the child. Once you have the child outside you must get the child's attention. Do not beat the child or shake the child but a not too gentle smack on the behind - especially if the child is wearing a diaper and is well-padded - will usually get the child's attention without causing any harm or pain. Once you have the child's attention you can then try explaining why that behavior is not acceptable (does not work on the very young) or just something like you were bad we are leaving will suffice. Never ever try reasoning with a child in a tantrum, the tantrum is a guarantee you will be ignored.

Answer 4

How do you deal with a stupid question?
Ignoring it won't help.

If you understand the logic then you must understand that parents who have been given that advise are usually doing the best they can. If you're shopping and you have only a couple of things left and your kid acts up it does not make sense to leave your basket and take your kid outside.

Unfortunately you live in a society. That means there are other people inthe world than just you. Young people, old people, men,women and CHILDREN.

Not that I don't respect other people's space. I have pulled my screaming kid out of restaurants and had my food boxed up when nothing else works. But this is not always an option.

So have a little more patience. Teaching children manners and patience takes a long time. These are attributes that you (as an adult) should already have.

**Should you ever have kids of your own you will appreciate the tolerance other people give that you don't seem to have now.

Answer 5

I think you were just trying to vehemently
'express' yourself by saying 'stupid', because it does seem like such a ridiculous problem for a parent to have no control of the child in public. - Or should I say a child that HAS control of a parent!!

You even sound like a very caring person, as you mentioned the children who are hurting, and their stupid parents still drag them out to the stores - another subject where stupid is an entirely appropriate word!!

So I will skip that part and agree with you. It is so aggravating to be in a public place and see a little brat squawling at the top of it's lungs as the parent just gazes off into space like they are deaf! It makes you want to yell at the parent! 'Go home and don't come back till you are civilized!!!'

I come from the generation where if the kids did such a thing, you would take them outside and GIVE them something to yell about!
But of course that was a 'tragic mistake' for us to make. heh heh

Now my kids are grown, and they are all decent and respectful and they are raising decent and respectful kids of their own.
Let's hear it for the helping hand!

Answer 6

My husband or I immediately remove our 2 year old from a store or restaurant when she's having a temper tantrum. She goes outside and we have a "little chat" about the fact that her behavior is going to have consequences, like no TV when we get home, the whole evening in her room, no playground, no soda, etc. She usually realizes that it's in her best interest to settle down and cooperate. Sometimes, especially when she's tired we end up in the car waiting for the other parent to finish up the shopping--she just gets herself so wound up. But if that's the case, we usually ease up on the punishment a little and just make sure she gets to bed earlier than usual.
Lesson I've learned... Ignoring them just makes them angrier and frustrated, which makes them yell louder and for a longer period or time. Parents who think that ignoring a tantrum is the solution are only fooling themselves. I saw a guy one time who was walking away from his screaming kid in Target. The little boy was literally on the floor kicking and screaming, and dad was in another aisle. At that point, he was a)endangering his son, b)disturbing other shoppers and c) not making his child aware of the fact that misbehavior in life has consequences. I personally think that the last one in itself is a lot of the reason why kids today are so violent. They were never taught that bad behavior is not acceptable. Their yuppie parents were so busy trying to be their kids' friends rather than parents, they didn't bother setting any limits, and now we wonder why those same kids never show any respect.

Answer 7

Believe me ignoring it is the best way to stop them! After a few times they'll never do it again.

You must not have kids because had you ever tried 'removing' a kid while they are in tantrum mode you'd know that's easier said than done!! I've been kicked, slapped, almost dropped my kid- she'd be almost on top of my head by the time I got a hold of her and out of the store....so now tell me which is easier? Ignoring doesn't have a payoff for the kid. Fighting the parent and carried out of the store gets a lot of attention....

Oh and do I care if everyone is silently hating me or my kid? Not even a little.

Answer 8

It doesn't make a child stupid...but walking away does work...but there is a time and a place for it...at home. If you are in public then you are right. I remove my child from the situation, take him outside till he calms down and talk to him...tell him what is wrong and ask him if he's ready to be a big boy and stop crying...it works...and he's only 2 and he understands.

Answer 9

I agree that ignoring them is not a valid solution to the problem. I believe if after telling the child to knock it off, if they're old enough to understand that, and they keep on screaming, take them out of the store, restaurant, etc. If the kid does this as a routine, then it's time to find a babysitter or invest in a few hours of daycare while Mom or Dad does the shopping and errands.

Answer 10

Actually the best way to deal with it IS to ignore the child, but if out in public, my understanding is the best thing to do is to remove the child.
That's what I would do with my child. So far he has been an angel! It's what I have done with my nieces and nephews when we've been out. I just took them to the car and waited until they calmed down. Then I asked if they were ok and if there was anything I could do.

Answer 11

You do know that you have set your self up for a whole lot of psycho-babble bulls*** with this question don't you? In that light let me tell you this. My son is 24 yrs old now and he knew better than to throw a fit in a public place. It took one time and he NEVER did it again. He didn't learn not to do it because I walked away from him or ignored him, he learned not to do it because I tore his little a** up and he figured out real quick that attention like that was attention he did not want. Now let me promise you something there are several people who will read this answer and think that I was abusive to my son or that I am a horrible mother. To them I say "bull", my son is a productive, well mannered, well disciplined member of society, he is happily married to his high school sweetheart, they own their own business, attend church together and have tons of friends. I don't know if the couple of spankings that he got as a youngster had any affect on the way he turned out but, they didn't hurt him and he still loves his Mama. So, if it's your child acting stupid in public jerk him/her up and let them know right away what you will and will not put up with. If it's someone else's child, well, you have to walk away and just let it go. You are right it is enabling them, remember how you feel about that now and when you have your own be sure that they know who's in charge and who's not. Contrary to what all the psycho babble folks say they will love and respect you if they are secure in the fact that you love them enough to make sure that they don't end up being a menace to society.