Do disobedient screaming babies/children give me the right to fart in public?

Question

Sometimes I have to fart when I am in the grocery store or the book store. I think its funny to do it quietly, while walking slowly around the store, so that everyone can enjoy it.

How does this relate to screaming babies, you ask? It's simple. Have you ever been in public (not farting, of course). Near you, there is a baby or child that is screaming, running, and just being a total twit. Often the parent is doing nothing about it or is oblivious to the whole thing. It's as if, they have to put up with their miserable child, so everyone else should too. Well, that is the same reasoning I have with the sulphery, "too much beer" farts that I drag around the store to share with everyone. I figure, I have to deal with it, so you should too.

They may be proud of their child. Since I don't have a child, I figure, I should be proud of my farts. After all, I often think, "Hey, I made that!!"

Please, remove your screaming child and I'll stop farting. I promise...

Answer 1

You are so F*cking hilarious!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

While I agree with your right to a little revenge, your methods are unorthadox. Why lower yourself to petty revenge like farts? If this happens often enough, carry around a few ping pong balls. When a screaming baby is in your vicinity, throw a ping png ball to it (TO it, not AT it). The baby is distracted trying to figure out what's going on with its new toy (The ball is too big for the baby to fit in its mouth, thus no danger to the child), and you freak out the parent because they don't know if you coated the ball with anti-freeze or something. You've got the baby to stop its tantrum and you got the parent to take responsibilty for their child. Two birds with one stone!

Answer 3

may i recommend you fart while standing right next to the disobedient child,
a) to punish the child and his/her parents
b) to watch the mom's puzzled face as she looks in her child's diaper to figure out the source of the stench

by the way, one of the most time-tested ways to deal with a child's tantrum is to ignore it completely, so most of these moms you're talking about might actually be doing the right thing.

how about a little patience? and a little less beer? ;)

Answer 4

Amen bro, fart on the kid and their parents while you're at it. All screaming kids & their parents should be asked to leave the store or control their brat.

And no, i dont want children ever

Answer 5

Grow up - after all, those babies will but you will be the one who is still farting in public for fun.

Answer 6

Kids are horrible things. They smell and make noise, so they are not unlike a fart.

Fart away.

I don't have kids, I don't want kids all because I have heard your kid scream and whine and you do nothing about it.

That's why this guy needs to drink. Kids are annoying.

Answer 7

Move in as close as you can before letting it rip. Then, when the fumes spread, turn to the mother (hopefully, other folks will be nearby), and with a look of total disgust, and blurt out, "Madam! What HAVE you been feeding that child?!?"

Answer 8

Figures, only someone who isn't a parent would say something like that. And no, I think it is rude and disrespectful.

Answer 9

well since you are comparing yourself to a baby if 1 poops in their diaper should their parent change it or leave it on so you have to smell it?

Answer 10

Ok..your weird...You just shouldn't fart in public. It's gross, smelly, and disgusting. Go get a life.

Answer 11

How old are you? under 25 ..grow up
over 25..get a life
and control your ash.