how do you stop being a perfectionist?

Question

i screw myself up in knot when things don't work out as i planned and people have a different point of view. i do respect them but inside i'm so annoyed. life just isn't perfect and we all have to compromise and bend but it makes me feel ill.

Answer 1

I don't think there is any way to totally STOP being a perfectionist. I would never suggest you go on any of those ridiculous drugs to help you; people can cure their own problems for the most part, it just takes more work than popping a pill every day.
I am also a perfectionist in many ways. It's hard for me to even consider someone else's opinions when I feel as though mine are right. It makes sense to just say, "Stop and truly consider what others have to say," but doing it? Different story!
Try exercises in order to get yourself out of this rut. I know you feel as though you're ruling everything, but it's actually ruling YOU! This disease (yes, I do believe it's involved with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is controlling you. It sounds as though you're a strong independent person. How does it feel to allow something to be overtaking your life?
You need to step back and consider situations. Don't fly off the handle at the people you love and who are close to you just because they don't think the same way on things. THIS is definitely going to take some practice. Before you go blurting out the "right" way to do something, really take a moment to consider what others around you have to say. Keep quiet until the situation has died down; maybe you'll realize it's not you who is fixing the problems alone-everyone else can take care of themselves as well.
Also, I have tried many different things to combat my problem (I always feel like I need to make everything even, neat and tidy). Try throwing a pile of junk on the floor and DON'T LET YOURSELF PICK IT UP! I know that sounds a little off the deep end, but it's little exercises like this that will make your life less "squeaky clean." It doesn't have to be! Be sloppy! Make a mess in the kitchen when you're cooking dinner and don't even THINK about cleaning it up until the next day AT LEAST! (I know those spots on the oven are going to drive you nuts!)
Ask loved ones for their opinions without giving yours. Actually CONSIDER what they've got to say. Before getting into a dispute about something, sleep on it. I'm sure that will ALSO drive you nuts, but DO IT! It will help you in the long run. If you still have a strong opinion about something after 24 hours, feel free to express it. You'd be surprised, but a lot of times, situations will work themselves out.
The world is not perfect. Don't let this intense desire to control/perfect things be the ruler of YOU. Strong independent people are generally the ones who need the most help. Allow the people around you to figure out situations for themselves; they too will be stronger because of this. Good luck.

Answer 2

Realize that you can't predetermine the future. Make the best choices in the present and go from there. If life was too perfect it would be boring and shallow.
Something to think about ...some of the best inventions were created by accident. I am a perfectionist too but only with myself. I can not control other people. Don't focus so much on perfection that you miss what's really important.

Answer 3

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, provided perfection is not an obsession. So ignore people who say psychological terms such as 'anal retentive' - these terms relate to serious psychopathology,which I am sure you do not have, as your question is couched lucidly and is free of signs of incipient hysteria.

You can only organise your own affairs perfectly - your finances, dress, personal hygeine, diet, spirituality and the like. Once other people become involved, then prepare for chaos! However, stick to your guns. If you decide that nobody calls you on the phone between x hour and y hour, tell your friends and other potential interlocutors that this is the case, do not answer the phone, and rely on voicemail. If you decide to become vegetarian, then stick with it. You sat that you respect other people's points of view, so other people should respect your point of view, and if they do not, they have no sympathy towards you and are therefore of little use to you. Respect is a two-way commodity.

You have the right to determine how your life will run and nobody has the right to coerce you from this.

It is necessary to modulate ones opinions as to the running of life in general when one is dealing with employers - they are purchasing your time and thus they have a limited right to dictate to you in terms of work performance, dress codes and the like. Similarly, those of us who enforce the basics of discipline upon society - police, for example, have the right to be respected and obeyed and you must bow to this factor, but again you are only giving respect to those agencies that are aiming to facilitate and leverage your own heartfelt opinion, i.e., that things should work.

Compromise, in some circumstances, is necessary. I will give you an example from my own life - I like to swim and sunbathe naked. So does my wife. UK law is ambiguous over this practice - it is not illegal to be naked in a public place per se, however it could be construed as behaviour likely to cause a "breach of the peace", as some people may object to nudity on the local beach. Therefore, we go to a bit of our local coastline which is remote and sheltered, and we skinny-dip there. Someone did put in a complaint about us, but the Police threw it out, as the guy who complained was half a mile from us, and could only see our bodies in detail through the binoculars he was using to watch seagulls and other (feathered) bird life.

Whatever you do, keep off Paxil, Venlofaxine and other anti-depressants, unless your Doctor of Medicine advises you to take them.

You have the right to be what you are, others have the right to be what they are, in both cases as long as it remains within the law. And remember, you have the right to say no.

Answer 4

take a deep breath... step back a few seconds and ask this question....
"in 5 years time is this situation really going to affect my life? am i going to still be bothered about it then or will i have forgotten all about it?"

if it is that serious do something... if not then just let it go........

i am a perfectionist and i do this every time i start to get wound up now the only thing that anoys me really is the fact that my other half still will not stop smoking dope!!!! (although he has cut down to just a couple on the weekend so maybe i should just accept that!!)
everything else.... i am cool with....

Answer 5

Remember if you always want things to be a certain way they never will if you plan a certain time you will always be too late or too early. Go for your best and keep it that way. people make mistakes. Give yourself a break. Have an hour or so a day of time set away for only you! Perhaps you have a favorite art, sport, computer activity, Friend or family member to talk to, game,book, crosswords, Sudoku etc.

Answer 6

Join the club...Im not a perfectionist about everything, but I look at it as being a good thing, and know that its probably never going to change and you need to just take a deep breath calm down and look at the big picture but I definitely understand how tough it can be.

Answer 7

I have similar problems. There is nothing worse than ordering something or trying to go about your business and someone else ineptitude screws up your day, or your get put on hold forever. BUT..it happens all the time. I guess all we can do is take a deep breath and think....well, at least I am not starving...at least I have my health...at least my house is not burning down...etc
sorry -I hope this helps. You are not alone!

Answer 8

I m just the same. All my friends call me Monica cos I go crazy when everything doesnt go perfectly. But unfortunately we cant expect other peoples reactions and behaviour to be perfect. We don t have that much control. I try not to get too vexed about it but its hard.

Answer 9

Don't sweat the small stuff and accespt others for who they are. It took me about 10 years but I finally was able to overcome it. I still am about some parts of my job but thats why I'm one of the best in the country at what I do. (I was voted that by my peers thats how I know.)

Answer 10

try a little Paxil® ?

perfectionism is a sign of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and can be treated to some extent with medication. Medication allows one to take the focus off the compulsive nature.