Some friends of mine had their daughter and son-in-law move in with them temporarily, along with the two grandkids, because they moved here from out-of-state and have to find jobs, housing, etc. The woman of the house has been doing almost all the cooking for everyone to give her daughter a break until they got settled. It's been a month now, and the daughter hasn't made any move to take over some of the meal planning and cooking. Her husband is very picky and expects alot, and the only food he will eat is expensive, and the parents have been buying all the groceries. What should the mom do? How should she approach her daughter about this? She feels bad because her daughter does have a baby and a little kid to deal with, but... what do you think? What kind of arrangement / trade-off would be practical? As is, their mealtimes are chaotic and stressful. I was over there last night. It was crazy.
2006-10-05 09:00:15 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes, she wants my advice!
2006-10-05 10:06:28 · update #1
It needs to be 50/50. They (the daughter and mother) should go shopping together and split the grocery bill. It is admirable that she is so willing to help her family when they need her, but allowing herself to be taken advantage of is something she shouldn't do. If her daughter is unable to contribute financially because of their situation, than she needs to be willing to do the cooking and the cleaning. It isn't right that her mother should do everything. Unfortunelty it is really hard for parents to let their kids struggle-even if they are adult children. However, those struggles in life are what make us stronger. Your friend needs to understnad that she could be causing more harm than good by allowing her daughter and her family to freeload.
2006-10-05 09:08:45 · answer #1 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres really only one solution that will get everyone involved.
They need to sit down and talk, as a family. The WHOLE family, this means the mother and father, the daughter and son-in-law, and kids too if they are old enough to contribute.
Everyone needs to be honest about their expectations and desires. The son-in-law should accept that he has to deal with whatever is served if he cannot contribute the hefty sum it takes to make the foods he desires. The daughter and mother should work out a schedule where one does the cooking for a day then the other or else both do it together EVERY night. Or the MEN in the house could take cooking every once in a while too... after all we're past the 40's and 50's women have a place OUTSIDE the kitchen now!
You should probably not become involved though, if the mother wants advice and asks you for it fine, but often people do not want unsolicited advice even from well-meaning family and friends.
2006-10-05 16:40:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She could put a sign above the table that reads eat what i serve or go fix yourself a sandwich. Then after the meal is over head both daughter and son-in -law in there to clean up the kitchen. That way maybe they will get busy looking for a job a lot sooner so her life can go back to normal once more. MOM should not have to put up with this she is in HER home after all! She will be the one who will have to put a stop to being used!
2006-10-05 16:08:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
People are never motivated to change until they are uncomfortable. The head of the house should set up some guidelines before things get really out of hand.
My girlfriend and I use to exchange childcare with each other. We had paper coupons worth one hour of childcare. Each coupon was worth $3.00 of service. If one person was using and not giving back, they had to reimburse the other person with green money. If she wanted to go out of town for the weekend that would equal 48 hours times $3.00 = $144.00. This way no one took the other person for granted. It was up to the giver to say that OK, just give me $50 per the weekend.
This worked out great, we respected each other and did not take each other for granted.
Your family can have a chart with each activity and they can decided what each active/chore is worth. If a person does not cook, they can be responible to do the grocery shopping, cleaning, washing clothes, cleaning the house, etc.
2006-10-05 16:17:59 · answer #4 · answered by D S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, who would be cooking if the daughter still lived wherever she lived before and had 2 kids? I have an 8 year old and a baby, I still cook for my family. And as far as a trade off, there already is one. She lives in their home, she should get off her lazy butt and help, even if it is only dinner.
2006-10-05 16:04:43 · answer #5 · answered by belinda f 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mom needs to let her daughter know that everyone needs to pitch in at mealtime to make it go smoothly. And picky son in law should be taught the peaceful joy of doing dishes.
2006-10-05 16:04:29 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy5 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have the grandma tell her that she will take the kids outside while the mom cooks... that would be a nice break for the mom.... they should be helping to pay for the groceries anyway!
2006-10-05 16:02:54 · answer #7 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to have a talk with them and issue chores, including handing them a grocery list. If she doesn't get a grip on things, this problem will esculate.
2006-10-05 16:10:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the daughter is adult enough to have a kid of her own, she's adult enough to pitch in with dinner.
2006-10-05 16:01:41 · answer #9 · answered by Funchy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to here
2006-10-05 16:06:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋