It seems like it would be raelly obvious but I don't know how to handle this situation. We have been together for 14 months and when we get into fights he yells at me and swears. He turns everything around too. When we are focusing on something that he messed up on then he turns it around and points out something I have done in the past as if to make it seem like what he did is fine. I feel like he tries to justify it. I am having a hard time with this because we have been together so long and his family and I are really close too. What do I do!??
2006-10-05 08:12:34 · 18 answers · asked by zildjian908 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Honey, if he's verbally abuse I strongly suggest you GET OUT of that relationship. He may never get worse, but he's not likely to ever get better. If he can't accept responsibility for his actions, he isn't going to.
You might also check out Codependants Anonymous for yourself. You are living your own life and need to take care of YOURSELF above all. You only have one life to live - this isn't a good way to do it.
Best of luck
2006-10-05 08:16:17 · answer #1 · answered by tigglys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The male ego does not like to be wrong! It will do anything it can to shift guilt and not accept responsibility. And the more obvious it is, the harder it has to work to find an answer and when he can't justify it he loses it and verbally attacks you. If it continues, he will most likely get physical someday too.
It is not easy to change this mind set. You have two options
1. leave him
2. Put all your wants and need aside and know that he is going to screw up, and when he does don't try and make him feel bad or feel like he screwed up. Understand that underneath his ego, he is vulnerable. Even though he does screw up at times and **** you off throwing it in his face isn't going to change him it will only escalate his vulnerability. Instead, express how much it hurts you when he does whatever it is he does. If it doesn't really hurt you, maybe your requirements are too high.
A woman's unconditional love might be the most powerful thing on the planet.
2006-10-05 08:24:33 · answer #2 · answered by tightlies 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is very difficult. If you really love him and you want this to work, sit him down and tell him what is up. Let him know what is on your mind. Try to be as firm and as sincere as you possibly can. You have to let him know that you cannot tolerate him treating you the way he does. Don't hold back the tears, and let him feel what you feel. If he still doesn't want to change, tell him that you just can't be with a person like that, and you really can't. Nobody, even the most evil of all humans, shouldn't bear the pain that you are feeling right now. So let him know, and if he doesn't change, I'm sorry to say, but let him go. Think about it, and I hope it goes successfully.
2006-10-05 08:22:19 · answer #3 · answered by bttm_giverhead407 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first instinct says to get out of that relationship fast. It sound like it's becoming abusive. Verbal abuse is still abuse. What kind of family does he have? Does his dad treat his mom this way? If so, the behavior will not stop. See if he will go to counseling. If not, you should go to counseling yourself. You do not have to stay in an abusive relationship just because you've been together a long time or you like his family. Think about what it would be like if you were married and there were children involved.
2006-10-05 08:19:32 · answer #4 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was with someone who was the same way for 5 1/2 years. I kept putting off leaving and he never became physically abusive or anything like that. I hit a point where I was suicidal just because of how bad he was screwing me up and I still didn't leave him.
Don't get stuck in that situation for years like I did. Get out. It's not worth it, it really isn't.
2006-10-05 08:33:49 · answer #5 · answered by MotherFirefly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he is doing is called transferring blame. He knows that he has done something wrong and in order to take attention away from himself, he "turns or twists" the situation to make himself look better. He will probably always do this. However, stay focused on the topic of "discussion". Tell him that if he wants to place blame, then he needs to be able to take blame as well. Until he can do that, then he needs to shut up.
2006-10-05 08:17:29 · answer #6 · answered by blackwidow 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have been together a little over a year and this is what happens, I'm afraid to see what the future will be like.
If you are close to his family, maybe ask them is this is standard behavior or if they know of any ways to help.
Honestly, I think that if you left him and got to live your life without the stress and pain he causes, you would find out how much better your life can be.
2006-10-05 08:22:12 · answer #7 · answered by teel2624 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Kick his ar*se out of it. If he is doing that after only 14 months, stop and think of 5 years, 10, 15, 20 etc. He will only get worse, never better. So what about the parents - tell them exactly why you are breaking up - they will not have to live and put up with such mental cruelty for the rest of their lives............
2006-10-05 08:22:27 · answer #8 · answered by thomasrobinsonantonio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it seems to me that have to let him know that your offended by the way he is treating you which is abusive and if he does not change or get help you are going to leave. And it does not matter if your close to his family or not. And if his family disagrees with you all the more reason to ask him to do this.
2006-10-05 08:26:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that don't sound like a healthy relationship. If you have a better relationship with his parents then you know somethings wrong!Leave him girl..If he doesnt value you enough to behave himself around you then that would probably start leading towards violence and u dont want that..Find someone who will treat u better ..u dont need to be taking that from a guy.
2006-10-05 08:36:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋