How should a single dad go about getting his daughter a training bra?

Question

Help! Yesterday, 9-y.o. daughter didn’t want to wear a certain green shirt because “its too thin and they show.” She took off the shirt, put on an undershirt/camisole and then she put the shirt on top. But she was frustrated that “they still show!”

Honestly, I wasn’t sure if she was referring to her breasts (which evidently have started to protrude in the smallest possible way) or something else. So I asked as gently as I could, “please forgive me if I haven’t noticed something that’s obvious, but what are you talking about? What shows?”

She didn’t say anything but she seemed embarrassed and so I offered “is it your breasts?” and she said yes. I asked what would make her more comfortable. She suggested a thicker shirt. I said ‘good idea’ and off she went. Whew.

Now, I feel like I need to talk with her, and I would appreciate suggestions on the kinds of things that I should tell her about her body, as well as how I should go about getting undergarments for her. TIA.

Answer 1

The best thing to do is to sit her down, and be as honest as you can. You can say I know that you are concerned now that you are starting to get breasts now. Would you feel better if we go and get you some trainning bra's or would you rather have someone else take you and get you some bra's. Where is her mother? sometimes it's easier for a girl to talk to a woman about that kinds of stuff. Just be open and honest and let her know that she can come to you for anything no matter what it is, and that you'll answer any questions she has honestly. I am a mom of five boys ages 15,13,10,9,and 2. and my boys always come to me about anything and I give them a flat out truthful answer. Tell her there is nothing to be embarrassed by, all girls go through it sooner or later. some girls develop earlier than others.

Answer 2

I give you major props for stepping up to the plate on the issue and not just ignoring it and hoping it will go away. It sounds like you are doing a great job dad.

I would suggest just sitting down and discussing the basics, that she is getting older and starting to go through changes that are perfectly normal and while you understand it can be hard to talk to your dad about it you really want to be there for her if she has any questions. I don't know if at age 9 I would go into too much detail unless she asks. If she knows she can come to you without you acting uncomfortable or judging her, she will ask as things happen. And, 20 years from now you guys will be laughing about all those times over Thanksgiving dinner :-)

If you have any ladies that can help (sister, cousin, one fo her friend's moms she might be close with), ask your daughter if she would like one of them to take her to get her first bra. If there is no one or she wants you to do it, then I would recommend the lingerie department at Sears or JC Penney or similar (or a small lingerie shop if you live in a town that has them) as this is a big milestone for her and there are ladies in these shops that are used to helping with this sort of thing and can size her correctly and help her choose just the right items.

Answer 3

OK you've handled it for a few days,why not go get your self a book,some thing to help you understand whats going on in her body, Then have a shot{or beer} to steady those nerves and sit down and talk to her,Other people have suggested that you could get a woman you know help her,OK that works this time but are you honestly going to keep doing that until she's18?be gentle and try to understand that she may have questions you can't answer or for that matter really don't want to. If that should happen tell her that it's no problem that you can find out together. Now keep in mind there are somethings that she will just plain not want to talk to you about. don't be offended,then she can talk to a female. But it is important for her to know that she can come to you and that you will not be embarrassed or un willing to go get what she needs.eg tampons{ugh that's an ugly word isn't it?} Bras or what ever. My brother raised my now 17 year old niece on his own and often hit a brick wall, he really had no help as he lived far way from us sisters. He learned,she learned to depend on each other as I am sure you and your girl will. good luck.

Answer 4

Sounds like you already did a pretty good job to get the conversation started. You can just ask her if she is interested in getting some sort of training bra to start off with. As far as talking to her about her changing body, it may be less embarrassing for both of you if you get some sort of book or movie about it instead of talking face to face. If you do have any lady in your life that you are both comfortable with that would probably make the situation a lot easier, like an aunt or a grandma or even a family friend. They could talk to her and take her shopping. Every girl is different though. My dad bought my sister a bra around that age (she was an early bloomer) and she was mortrified and hated him for it. Me on the other hand, I was begging for someone to buy me a bra when I was 12 and no one would take any notice (since I was a late bloomer). If you have no other choice, ask for some help from a lady who works at the store, go to like JCPennys or Dillards or something like that. Good luck!

Answer 5

I'm a single dad too, I just went down to Wal-Mart last week and picked out 3 or 4 training bras, each of a different style. They don't really have cup sizes at that age yet.

Try a sports-bra type, and also a couple that look more like real bras, maybe one with a hook in back (my daughter hated that one, I couldn't show her how to hook it) and another one that's a pull-over.

Also, try some that are of different materials (some are cotton, others are kinda silky-feeling)

Then ask her which kind she likes best, and get her some more of that type.

Not sure what size to tell you, I got a 34 for my daughter, she's 10 and big for her age.

Answer 6

Well, is there a woman available who could take her shopping for a training bra? Her mother or grandmother? If not, you'll have to do it. But the problem you're going to run into is that "they" will show with a bra on. It might stop the nipples from being so obvious, but if she's ready for a bra, she needs to be told "they" are going to show. Her concern might be that she doesn't want to develop a chest at all, and you need to reassure her that it's a normal part of growing up. You might go to a bookstore and see if you can find any books that would help her understand how her body is changing with puberty.

Answer 7

Ok #1 AWESOME DAD alert! Sry but has to be said as you mentioned you're a single dad. And i give single dads loads of credit. Especially when it comes to raising little girls.

2nd... if you want to take your daughter for a bra, you may want to try a smaller lingere store. It may sound a bit intimidating, however at these stores you get more one on one with the sales people. They will be able to measure her and get her the appropriate size and they will fit her to make sure that it is the right one. Maybe having a woman in the store to help your daughter with it, might be a bit easier for her.

Best of luck and keep up the good work!

Answer 8

Hi. You seem like a great father, just to say that first.
But as far as your question goes, I would sit her down and talk to her. I never really felt like I could talk to my parents, so one day when we went shopping, I just got a bra and put it in the buggy. It was just my mother that was with me, so she got the point. We went over to the department and all, she was really cool about it.
I would just ask your daughter if she would like to start wearing one. If so, then ask her who she would like to go with. If she says you, then that's great. Take her to a local store, i.e. Goody's, JCPenneys, Profitts, or any other name brand store. Since you said she isn't big or anything, I would just get her a small size. But, if you're puzzled about the size or anything, there are always people there that are willing to help ya out!

If she states that she wants an aunt, grandma, or some other female figure, then that's alright to. Just give them some money, and make sure they understand what you're asking them to do.

Good luck, and you seem like you do a great job at parenthood!

Answer 9

Ask her if she feels that she needs a bra. Tell her that you will get a woman to help her find the right one. Then take her to a good department store Not a Wal-Mart. Go with her into the teen department and ask a sales person if she could help your daughter find what she needs. then go stand back out of the underwear section and wait. Let her get two to start. When you get home ask her if she would like to show them to you. If she says no don't be hurt. As she gets older she will start leaving them in the bathroom, on the floor of her room and it won't bother her to show you.

Answer 10

It sounds like she is comfortable enough to have you take her to pick something. She just may need a jogging bra for the time being. They provide coverage without the worry of hooks and snaps, she can slip it on like an undershirt. You should take this time to explain body changes and basic knowledge of puberty (things like keeping up on hygiene--this is the age when girls start using deodorant).

If you or your daughter feels uncomfortable, then ask a grandmother, adult cousin, or even a close family friend to take her.