My daughter's Dad was never involved in her life until she turned 16...Now he is "mr superior". My problem is his wife! She insist on calling herself "mom" to my now 21 yr old baby girl. I got numberous emails from "the *****" telling me what a poor parent I am. I am a great Mom by any standard! My kids are spoiled rotten. Now that my daughter is getting married, her step monster is trying to push her way into all the prewedding festivities ..such as gown shopping. I have put my foot down! I just dont know how I can keep from punching her lights at during the wedding....she is demanding to sit on the front pew with me and my Husband. I was thinking more in the lines the car outside the church-lol. I have even offered to pay for the whole wedding if they would stay away...now the step monster is inquiring on "how "willing' am I to pay of this wedding" ~~I told my daughter that was none of their *&%# business. I am going to see that she has the wedding she deserves regardless
2006-10-05 07:17:41 · 24 answers · asked by Kimberly 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I am not angry with her Dad...we can be civil...my dtr doesnt prefer that she call her "mom" but she continues to do so. I have cancer and I feel it is my privlage as her mother to do this with her. I have let this wedding be my baby girl's....anything and anyway she wants it! This step monster doesnt recognize boundaries
2006-10-05 07:52:09 · update #1
slip a strong laxitive in her food...should take care of her for the night. i would also give her some calcium carbonate (crushed up tums) in order to amplify any alcohol she drinks....so not only will she be drunk...she'll have the runs really badly.....she'll either be home half way through the night or busy in the bathroom for the rest of the night. either way she will be way to embarrassed to show her face for a while afterwards.
2006-10-05 07:26:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anthony V 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be the Bigger Woman! Do NOT stoop to her level.
You have a couple of choices. You can leave all decision making to your daughter (do not force yourself on her either in an attempt to block the step-mother from doing it or you will BOTH make the bride miserable (GirlieGirl explained above exactly what I mean about your behaviour vs. the step-mothers)) OR (and in cases like this, this is generally the best solution) Hire a wedding planner/coordinator as assistant to the bride and mediator.
What is happening right now is that you are letting your anger at the Step-mother blind you to the happiness of the big day... You are not enjoying yourself, and chances are neither is your daughter.
As for the seating at the ceremony... that is easy. Etiquette dictates that in the case of divorced parents the MOTHER of the bride sits in the Front Row and the Father and Step-Mother sit in the THIRD row. ONLY people that should be in second row between you in siblings, otherwise leave it empty. This is to give the space between parents that may not be able to get along.
Good Luck.
2006-10-05 07:37:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Spoiling your daughters rotten, does not make you a good parent.
Right now what you have to do, is be a little more civilized about what this event is all about.
You without a doubt very bitter about what you feel this woman is doing. It may be possible that she is playing on you're insecurities or it may even possible that she truly has feelings for you daughter and would very much like to be apart of this wedding as well.
You need to take a step back and truly see what kind of message you are sending your daughter right now, and how you taking this opportunity of her wedding day to make a point about your hatred towards this step monster as you call her.
This other woman looks good right now in your daughters eyes because she is enjoying being apart of this wedding, whereas on the other hand, your to preocupied with condeming this other woman and making demands on your daughter...the pick and choose or else.
My advice to you is to start showing a little class and put your hatred aside, it really will make you look bad infront of everyone. You will not like yourself much after this wedding is over, and you won't have an opportunity to change how you have made yourself look.
Get a grip, my dear. And play this right, so that you look good, for heaven sakes.
You have probably done alot a damage all ready, but there is still time to change that. Take a breath. With your daughter tell her you are sorry that you let your feelings take place over this wedding and that you would like to start fresh.
Tell your daughter that some things hurt you and that you have not been handling it the way you should of, but none the less you feel that you have certain rights over her stepmother with this wedding. And if she could please except certain conditions that you feel as the mother would be respectful and right when it comes to certain things. Like private moments of picking out the wedding gown, moments alone with her on that day....etc.
She will be more likely to incline, when she knows that you truly will enjoy moments with her alone with those moments, instead
bringing all your bitterness out in the air, when all she wants is to feel happy about every moment of her wedding planning.
Don't have your daughter remember her wedding day with thoughts of your bitterness about the other woman. Because she will if you don't stop it now and get a grip.
You said your going to see that your daughter has the wedding she deserves regardless.....ARE YOU TRULY? even though you have a war going on that she is aware?
It's hard, but try to be a gracious lady during this time, so you and you're daughter can look back and feel like it was a special day. And she can say, thanks mom for being my mom, inspite of what you had to endure. That takes guts. Time for you to get some my dear.
2006-10-05 07:56:16 · answer #3 · answered by sweetcitywoman2002 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't worry ...Plus if your daughter is having a religious wedding more than likely the step Mom will have to do what the Priest /pastor tell her to do..And trust me they give dibs to the BIRTH MOM...
Also you have to keep calm so that YOU don't look like the selfish one...Shed light on her behavior by stepping back ...If your relationship w/ your daughter is tight she will lean your way regardless, she may just be polite in listening and going around w/ the step..
Remember hypocrisy is a great weapon so smile at the lady , hug her everything in public so she can have no arms against you w/ your daughter.Do things to include her but at the same time that place her were she belongs, on the side accepting what you and MAINLY your Daughter want for the wedding..
2006-10-05 07:24:28 · answer #4 · answered by cloudrr79 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you don't want to stress out your daugther anymore than she has to be with the wedding planning. As we all know it can take a toll on you. Unfortunatley, as I am learning fast, there is a lot of B.S. people you cannot stand that you are going to have to deal with at weddings and family functions etc. Basically there is nothing you can do about it but ignore her. Trust me I'm all about you punching her in the face, I'm sure it would feel good and maybe you can after the reception but like I said, for now just chill and let everything go for the sake of your daugher's sanity. You can get psycho lady back later :)
2006-10-05 07:21:57 · answer #5 · answered by Jersey Style 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whew! I feel for you. I have actually dealt with this myself. Here is how you handle this situation. Do not inform the step-mother of anything unless she is involved with the payment of this wedding. Also, no one has the right to sit in the front pew except for the birth mother and birth father. It would be appropriate for the step-parents to sit in the second pew. Also, the step-mother should not have a say as to any details of the wedding unless she is asked. This is your daughters' wedding and that is who the focus should remain on. I hope all goes smooth and that you will enjoy that day. This is a very emotional and hectic time, you do not need extra stress adding to it. Good luck and GOD bless you.
2006-10-05 07:28:07 · answer #6 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would think that the relationship you have with your daughter is (or should be) solid enough to withstand any and all pressure from the step-monster. How you conduct yourself through all this will say volumes to your daughter....about you! Rise above the level of the step-witch and kill her with kindness. If my guess is right, she won't have a clue as to how to combat kindness. I'm thinkin' she is looking for a reaction and probably thrives on the fact she can upset you. This type person has to make someone else look bad in order to feel good about themselves and will usually zero in on your weakest point...right now it's your daughter. Just focus on making GOOD memories to share with your daughter in the years to come. She's probably mature enough to see what this women is up to anyway. As for where the witch should sit, leave all those decisions up to your daughter....it is her day. I'm with you, though, I'd want her out in the parking lot, too!! Ha! And, I'd block her email address. Good Luck with this.
2006-10-05 07:37:41 · answer #7 · answered by Rembrandt11 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As someone in the daughter position that went through something very simular with my family, I and my mother were uncomfortable with my STEPmother wanting to be referred to as 'mom' (major b.s. by the way...what in the heck has see done, beside be sloppy 2nds to you of course, to deserve to be called that by your daughter). I, with my mother by my side, spoke to my dad about it, and told him how uncomfortable I was with it. He talked to her and she never brought it up again.
Talk to your daughter about it, how does she feel, where does she stand with 'the step mother'? Does she feel uncomfortable and pressured into calling her mom? If so, either she needs to talk to the stepmother from hel l or to her father. If she is okay with it, relay to her how uncomfortable you are and how horribly rude and hurtful this b...has been to you. YOU ARE HER MOTHER. You only have 1 mother!
Also remember, this is HER wedding day, if she is fine with it all, you may just have to grin and bear it during the ceremony and then at the reception take the limo with some friends around the block a few times to vent, scream, and have a glass of champaigne. Then go back to the reception and pay NO ATTENTION TO THE STEP-MONSTER and only to your daughter and the groom. its there day, don't give into the petty-ness of that other horrible excuse for a person! Don't stress out your daughter more than what she already is.
Hope this isn't too over the top, but it burns me...
Best of luck to you and your daughter, I know no matter what the wedding will be beautiful!
2006-10-05 07:35:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anne Marie 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'm sure my mom lives your moment first hand. I am my mother's baby girl of 23. My mother-in-law couldn't be any worse if she tried. The best solution would be to let your daughter make all decisions herself. Ask her how she feels about everything. And remind the ****( as you put it) that it's not her wedding even if she's trying to help. A wedding Preparation is a Mother Daughter thing and the other woman should step aside..
2006-10-05 07:28:01 · answer #9 · answered by jamie-blacksher@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to do what makes your daughter happy and show you are the better person no matter how much the step mother gets to you. Your daughter knows what you have done for her.
It sucks but that is the way it should be for the happiness of your daughter
2006-10-05 07:24:43 · answer #10 · answered by Cheryl D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the question is not how you feel about this woman, but how your daughter feels. Does her and your daughter get along? Are they close? If your daughter has the same feelings as you, then she should be the one to step up and say something....this is her wedding and her day....no one else's!!
2006-10-05 07:22:35 · answer #11 · answered by dragonfly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋